Isn't being rocked gently a lovely feeling?

I imagine it is.

The last memory of being rocked to sleep is from when I was a little girl (as described in THIS post). I've been a big girl since and fallen asleep by myself.

However, the next best thing I suppose is being sung to sleep. I have a host of tiny babies around me in varying levels of baby metrics (I'm going to dedicate a post to baby metrics) - one thing common across them all is that I instinctively start singing to them when I want to calm them down. It works many times, doesn't work sometimes.

The tiny humans are probably wondering why I make strange noises directed at them I suppose. Last evening I was spending some time with one of those tiny humans - she's still shy of three months, and one of two things is going to happen to her; She's either going to continue to be really talkative, or she's going to be all talked out soon. For a little thing that can't make words yet, boy she talks a lot. Baby language of course. She spoke so much that I even forgot about my song. I was just trying to decipher what she was coming to say. She did pause to stare at the fan though. Of course, those are the most amusing things invented. I used that gap to sing to her, and she started laughing away. Was it me or the fan that amused her so? I wouldn't know.

Singing together is a happy feeling. I've been lucky to have a sister who sings amazingly, and (more importantly) sings with me. That's something about home that I love. Hearing a song, and continuing it from the next room. Granted she's accused me of making her forget many songs - and also, she remembers my composition of baby songs better than me.

My boyfriend and I, who are in a cross-continental long distance relationship also sing together sometimes. We're on the phone, doing different things, and singing the same song. One day, when he was being very indulgent of me, and I guess in a very good mood, he readily agreed when I casually asked him to sing me to sleep.

Being sung to is such a happy feeling. So calming.
That day, he had a whole playlist of songs ready for me. Yes not all of them would qualify as bedtime songs - I think he even threw in a few raps in between - however, that night, I gently drifted off to sleep with the phone on my ear. Almost better than being rocked to sleep :)


P.S: Such a random haphazard yet happy post right? Well, that's how I'm feeling now :D
Sometimes, who cares if the nursery rhymes seem a little violent? So what if the cradle drops or jill tumbles? As long as the children singing them are happy :)
Who cares if the fairy tales have been romanticised now? We could use lesser gruesome stories all around, thank you!

Going the Distance

Long ago, back in simpler times - when life was in black and white; when people said "Trust is essential in any relationship" I used to think - "D'uh.  Isn't that obvious!" I used to wonder why they bothered stating simple facts.

Back then, when people remarked "Blood is thicker than water" - I wondered why? I loved my friends as much and would rely on them for anything.

When people quoted; "If you want to travel fast, go alone. If you're travelling far, go with someone" I used to think, go alone, and then you'd reach soon anyway.

So.

I decided to try out how it would be to travel with someone. To see if the distance was reduced. And this experiment helped me learn a little bit more about trust.

You see, the "Travel with someone to shorten distance" has a catch. You need to be able to either completely trust that person/ those people, or you should just not care at all. In both these extreme scenarios, you might just enjoy the journey, and it probably won't seem as long.

And Trust - oh how much packed into that little word!

When you trust that someone is going to feed you, or that someone is looking for food with you, you are willing to go along with them till you get it. But if suddenly they say "I wish I could get you food. I'm not certain we will find food" then the hunger that was tucked away neatly will come out roaring. Unwilling to be pacified by the trust that someone may or may not be helping you out. Because you see, you are suddenly not in the journey together. Their motive or their destination is probably different from yours. Even if the destination or the purpose were the same, even if, with all good intentions they do want to find the food with or for you - the commitment that was once taken as granted is no more there.

This is why they say blood is thicker than water. Because family, even if they had different destinations, they would still ensure you reach yours. So you can safely go along. That commitment is a given to any who enjoy a close a loving family. What about friends? Yes. We find those gems, and they become like family as we go along.

If you want to travel fast, go alone

If you're not travelling far, and you're in no hurry, find random company

If you're travelling far, then go with someone you trust and can become as good as your own blood.

Those moments of weakness

Those moments ...
When you don't long for that person
But wish their presence next to you

When you frantically search through a hundred mails just to find that deleted number ...
To save it
Just so you can look at the latest display picture.
Reassure yourself that they're doing fine
Ask the universe to let them know that you're fine too
-Despite these moments-
If they ever wondered, that is.

Those moments
When you close your eyes
And you're caught between a smile and a tear
And a strong wave of nostalgia
Remembering that feeling

When you imagine the scenario of bumping into each other
Practice what you would say
How you would look
And react
Run it over in your head
Just so that, when that moment arrives
The moment you dread and anticipate
You're not stuck staring
Like a blubbering fool

Ah well

Those moments when you wish..

Just to, for a brief moment, remember how it used to feel
How life used to be
Who you used to be.

Disconnected : Day 0

Technology was catching up to us.

Now, we are trying to keep up with it.

I remember back in the days of just land lines and no mobile phones, no facebook and no internet for all. We spoke and laughed with people. We did things and didn't document every second of it in Instagram. We had fun, and we were genuinely happy.

The lonely people were genuinely lonely for understandable reasons.

No with a million different ways to stay connected, we have so many ways of being lonely. Conversations and laughter have become a luxury. Texts and LOLs typed out with straight faces have taken their place. We live in an era where we cut off a live conversation with a living breathing human sitting or standing across from us to speak to one who is connected to us via strange telephonic waves that I don't even comprehend the working of.

We text and smile at posts as we ignore those around us.

Yes, it does have its advantages.

We need never get lost, but I don't know the way to my friend's place anymore. Only my GPS does.

I have my sister on speed dial, but I don't know her number by heart anymore.

No message or mail need ever be erased, but that makes everything easy to forget.

General knowledge is at an all time low - cause Google knows it anyway, and we can "Google" it.

I can track my expenses on my phone, I can track my contact lens cycle on my phone, Hell, I even track my period on it! Meaning, without them, I no longer have a track of what and when.

We can dig up any documented information on anything. We can make payments, transfer money.

We need never be bored because our smartphones with expandable memories can store a great amount of videos, games and anything one might find interesting - how comfortable are people sitting still with their thoughts anymore? I realized I wasn't preferring it much myself! Why sit idle, when you can be occupied!

We can call anybody anytime. Yes, we can keep in touch with our near dear ones even from farther and farther! But this also makes us sometimes disregard their situation then, cause it's a personal phone and it's become the norm anyway.

*Norm is the researchers' abbreviation to refer to "Normal" behavior. We have, with the widespread usage of mobile phones, made rude behavior normal.*

Facebook ...don't even get me started on that!

We don't have to strictly stick to our schedules anymore as we can always call and cancel at the last minute. Some are more polite "Can I confirm by tonight?" for tomorrow's plan, made a week ago.

We can always be connected. The possibility of which has made us more fragmented than ever. 

We wish, we celebrate, we even make love over the phones. 

We can do so much. We can.

I do. Too.

I have a fairly fancy smartphone. I have numerous apps that assist my everyday living. I claim in makes life so much easier for me. I give a lot of these apps more access to my information than the logically require to function normally. I tell myself that it's a fair trade-off, for how they help me.

The question should be, is it worth it?

I am not contesting the usefulness of smartphones. No. I accept they are extremely useful.

I am contesting their importance in our lives.

Do they have to be so essential that their absence can incapacitate us?

That's exactly what I want to find out.

Despite my philosophical approach to it all, I do depend on my phone quite a bit. I'm constantly taking pictures, even rearranging food to make it look pretty before clicking it, and texting all the time, GPS, my apps and so on. I'm not as addicted as many (my dad for instance ;) ) but I do feel the need for, rather than just want it.

So now, I have decided to DO something that many hypothesize: We should just turn off our phones and find out how it is. 

I'm going to do it, and find out what about just the idea of living without a handphone makes your friends go: "Are you, alright sweetie?" "Did something happen?" "Is someone stalking you?" and your acquaintances just simply go: "Are you crazy?"

Why does the simple act of living without a handphone seem like such an extreme decision? 

I shall switch off my phone for 15 days and find out :) And you're welcome to my answers. 

Would you jump in the well, if he did?!

Probably.

Man is a social animal.

We live in a world where people do the strangest weirdest things, because the society does it/ expects it of them/ appreciates it. A world where becoming an army man is seen as a thing of pride, when in actuality it is essentially standing in the line of fire. (I don’t have anything against soldiers, mind you. Because I live in a world, where one is taught to respect and admire soldiers.)

We live in a world where starvation, for as little a motivator as being thin – to fulfill the warped society’s idea of good looking , is practiced by many women, and quite a few men. Starvation, even if it sometimes leads to death. Actions that go against the most primary of instinct of self preservation. We would even go to that extent, for somebody else. Somebody who has no relation or connection to us!

A society need not be a continent, or even a nation. A society can be as few as 100 or even 10 people, who proclaim a certain culture and set of beliefs. Any group, which creates its own laws/ rules/ guidelines, no matter how detrimental to the persons of the society itself, that it might be.

So the next time, you think you’re being clever by asking “would you jump in the well, if he did?”

Well, if him, and her, and them too,

I would probably already be in the damned queue!

-

P.S: This is not a rage/ rebellion against any society/ group. As the author, I completely also agree that societies aid in the hum developmental and civilization process hugely, and do appreciate them. This is just merely an alternative line of thought.

Sometimes

Sometimes,
I think over matters of the heart
With my head

Sometimes,
I wish I could run far away
Have a clean slate and a fresh start
Do good there
Do right

Sometimes,
I realize my life plans haven't worked out quite the way they should have
What once felt obvious, now feels herculean
What was once comfortable, is now disconserting

It happens. Sometimes.

Sometimes,
I realize that forever ends too
Short term becomes long term
Life chooses to not make sense
Not even try

It's okay to yell at someone
It's okay to push people away
It's okay to just be silent
It's okay to change all the rules
Sometimes.

It's okay to hold on. A tad longer that allowed.
It's okay to let go. Before I thought I would.

It's okay to be hated.
When thats better for them.
It's okay to be misunderstood
When it smoothens things out.
It's okay to be misinterpretted
When that works out better
It's okay to be judged.
And misjudged.
When you just dont give a damn
Sometimes.

It's okay to want a hug
It's okay to like someone
It's okay to hate someone
It's okay to be terribly confused
Sometimes

As the tear drops fell

There is one theory of Emotional Psychology which states that what we feel is based on the emotions we're overtly expressing. I.e.; We don't cry because we feel sad, but we feel sad, when we realize we're crying.
Before you completely dismiss it as a stupid theory, think about this: Have there been times when people have pointed out to you that you are frowning, or that you look sad, and you, till that moment hadn't been aware of feeling annoyed or sad, but once it's pointed out, and you realize it, you wonder, and maybe even started feeling annoyed or sad after that - because you might have had a reason to be annoyed or sad. It might have even been happiness ... Have you felt happier, when you noticed you were smiling?
Well, I'm not here to lobby for that theory, neither do I completely believe in it. I just think that it is interesting, and that it might be applicable in some situations.
Like today.
I have a terrible terrible cold. So terrible in fact, that even my eyes have been leaking all day. So I've had to keep wiping away tears all day.
Granted a blocked nose, exhaustion from the lack of sleep, the slight throbbing head ache from constant sneezing and a throat that was competing with a blazing blunt chainsaws is enough and more reason to make a person feel a little blue. But my day wasn't half bad otherwise ... but with the wiping of tears ..and wiping and wiping... I started thinking of all kinds of saddening things, and by the end of it all, well you get where I'm going right.
All I'm saying that James and Lange may not have been completely batting in the dark there.

Primal Insticts: The Protective

Yesterday, a friend of mine...a male friend of mine was forcibly involved in an argumentative settlement/ meeting. He was taken as his department representative, and had to listen to being blamed for the better part of 2 hours, for no fault of his. The blaming apparently was quite strong and derogatory as well.

He came out of the meeting visibly furious. Since we all go back in the same office bus, another friend of ours and I were still waiting for him inside, rather than in the bus.

He stormed to his workstation, and in a moment of uncontrollable rage, flung a huge box file on his desk. Papers were flying and he just stood there seething for a moment. Not usually used to this kind of blatant rage, I stood shocked, and stopped in my tracks quite farther away from him than I would have usually gone.

Normally, I think (since I've never actually been in a similar situation before. (I've occasionally been the one flinging things ;) )) I wouldn't have gone closer...stayed at a safe distance and quietly watched and waited for him to calm down. That feels like the response that I would have expected from me.

Yesterday, I went over, helped him pick up the strewn papers and then walked with him to the bus. We (The other friend and I) even sat together, and made him calm down and laugh. All the while, at least in the beginning, I was wondering why I had this strange urge to hug him and soothe him.

He is a work friend, married and to clarify, I have no romantic feelings towards him. However, he is a really good friend of mine.

I have heard of friends who have been relationships that involved violence, and friends of friends who have been physically abused as well. I have always thought that it was crazy and/ or stupid of them to stay in them. I never understood why any rational/ sane person would willingly even stay in touch with a person who is violent, or worse, uses violence against them. So, my reaction…instinctive urge rather was quite confusing to me. Even if I didn't act upon it, a possible (unreasonable!) explanation, to the till now strange behaviours of those women didn't sit really well with me.

Well however, some things do make sense now. Though I still (somewhat) strongly believe, (and now hope as well!) that I won’t tolerate being in a relationship with violent or abusive men. Of course, there are levels of violence/ abusiveness… so how much of it will get covered under the protective instincts of women, and beyond what level does it go to intolerable/ habit? I wonder…

I know my friend was just acting out of rage, and didn't harm anyone, and calmed down soon after. I'm not making excuses for him. Just that I found an opportunity to partly discover something new about myself and about humans in general. We sure are a strange, complex and interesting species!

Too much of a good thing

In today's news, I read that some guy who works for Google quit his job. Big deal right? Anyone can quit a good job! But the reason for quitting was what got him on the news: because he was getting too comfortable in it, and everything felt too fun and easy. 

The general reaction from the public (as can be expected) was that he was crazy and should just enjoy it, while thanking God for his good fortunes.
However, I actually agree with his views and actions. This might be because of my sometimes strong pessimistic nature, which pops up. Just maybe. When life is getting too easy, and everything feels too peachy, there is a feeling of wariness that settles in. At least in me. It feels like... If everything is going too well, even if I don't pay attention for a second, the bad might creep up on me and totally take me by surprise. When I'm least prepared for it. So, I'd rather, like him, quit while the tide is high. Better safe with lesser comforts than being plummeted down unaware.
Which is kind of the situation in my current job. Not that it is anywhere as cool or awesome as google probably was for him. But it is getting a bit too comfortable and familiar. I'm not going to do anything drastic as that dude though. But I am taking a step back and will be pushing myself further in the more professional front. I'm also unfortunately, in the process, becoming meaner and moodier ~ collateral damage so to speak. But it feels like the safer choice.
Gah life and its crazies!!!

As the rain clouds gather

Hope

Such a four letter word.

There is a phrase that goes; "Damned if you do. Damned if you don't"
I can't think of anything better to describe the act of hoping.
Around a few weeks before my birthday of this year, I did something. The result of which I knew I would find out around the first week of June this year.
During that 1.5 month period, I had to do 2 things.
1. Have 0 hope, because if it doesn't work out, I should be ready for it
2. Not be completely hopeless and give the universe wrong signals

Crazy right?
But I pulled through, mainly because I had a clear dead line. The only thing that I had to keep reminding myself was to be patient. I also stopped writing my diary during that period...because I didn't want the opposite of point one or two to reflect in what I wrote.

Ah well, I chugged along and finally got to D Day.
It came.
There was a brief moment when my heart beat really fast. But after the initial rush, it was totally normal. I got through the day sane. Not thinking about the end of it, when I'll know the big result. It went almost perfectly. A little too perfectly.
And then it was time for that... the results were announced.
It didn't work out. I lost.
A big part of me couldn't comprehend how it could have slipped right through my fingers, when everything seemed so perfect...but that part also knew that things like these happen, and that's why I had kept telling myself not hope. But I guess I had hoped after all.

I even had theme songs picked out. For winning and losing.
Though it didn't feel as intensely sad as it did in the song, I was sad, angry and hurt.
But I accepted it.

I could continue my life with all it's normalcy, wondering if I could ever hope again that is....
And then the next morning it rained.

Hoping is like the rain clouds gathering.
It becomes very dark....and you can never be too sure if it'll rain or just blow over.
But when it does, it's beautiful.
That's when I realized that I could never stop hoping.
It might even be humanly impossible.
It is necessary for the rain clouds to gather if you want rain. Though, many times it may not rain near where you are. We will see our fair share of rain. Which will be followed by brand new beginnings.

So now, I wait as the rain clouds gather, to wonder if it will rain where I am next :)

The first day

This is going to be a gruesome post. Definitely not for the faint hearted, or for those dainty men who like to tip toe around girl problems, and pretend they don't exist ~ or exist in an alternate reality where only women in pain are allowed. This is about my period pain.

Today is my first day. Bam, it started at 5:30.

Actually, for 24 yrs of my existence, rather for the first 11 yrs of my womanly existence, I didn't have period pains at all. I used to be that girl who went "Oh I'm so sorry... it must be terrible right. I don't know how it feels. I don't have any aches and discomforts.... for me it just comes and goes. Once in 45 days that too! Touch wood"
All the touched wood provided luck that lasted only so long, or its probablh just that when  the luck runs out, it runs out. Its also possible that all those other girls with pain cursed me terribly ;)

Or there could be some rational biological explanation to it all. But I'm personally going with the curses theory. Seems to make most sense.

Anyway... the luck ran out, and the pain ran in, about 5 months back. So here we are.
I'm planning to explain the the experience as clearly as possibly... and I'll try to give at least an hourly update or till the pain runs out today.

Small rewind till 5.40 today

5:40. I poured myself a giant glass of milk, cause I know I won't be consuming much else for a long while today.
At around 6 the pain started. Its almost gentle at first... radiating softly through my legs, till it reached the extremities where they lodge themselves as the first pain centre. Beating and pulsing the pain gently in regular intervals.
I called the boss man at 6:10. Didnt want to repeat last time's mistake of going to work and suffering like I'm in hell. I work in an industrial area, so its about 1.25 hours drive from home ~ under good traffic conditions. The boss, though evil, being a man, readily sanctioned the leave. "No problem ma. You take care" I wonder if he got scared that I would get into graphic details of the said "bad stomach ache" with him too. That taken care off, I have a relatively calm pain focussed day ahead.

By 6:30, the big guns are brought out. The biggest pain centre for the menstrual cramps differs from girl to girl. There are some common ones... lower stomach, bum, lower back, upper thigh, just stomach. I've been blessed with pain on the spinal chord in the lower back region.
So let me try to explain this as accurately as possible. It feels like little people are walking on the last 3 spinal chord bone rings. As the walk, not being smooth catwalkers, they tend to have the spinal rings clash with each other - then falling on them - so the entire region throbs for a moment, then stops...then again...then again...

Its almost 7 now. I think theyre trying to sculpt the 4 faces on the final chords... or pinching to check the elasticity of the bone. If I tell them bones are not elastic, will they stop?

The carousel has started in the stomach now.

I think this is a good time to explain position. Not those positions perv! Menstrual positions. During the cramps, there are positions of comfort. These mostly depend on where we are. Like sometimes, you might see a girl hunched over one side, in what seems to a positively uncomfortable posture with a slightly relieved look on her face, which is still slightly scrunched up. She has probably found the position of the moment that gives maximum relief for the highlight ache of the moment. Positions have to keep changing sometimes with somepeople, as the cramps people find amusement in playing hide and seek around the centre of the body.

Right now, it's just 7:05 but already it feels like the entire lower back is a demolition ground. Theres also a possibility that they are building a small plank bridge connecting the tail bone anf belly button. And too many cramp people aare trying to test it.

I know its just test, cause I know its gonna get a lot worse. -_-'

8:15. The big guns are out. Theres a bloody war being waged in my abdomen. Right now I dont care who is winning or losing. Just want the damn thing to stop. The leg is having its one ball. It feels like I ran with 5 inch heels for the better part of 2 days. If there is a provision to cut it off and refix it later, I will gladly chop it off instantly.
My sis was sweet enough to get me a hot pack. It helps slow down the big musk mellon that is being grinded in my stomach.
The experience is so not cool man. Not cool!

9:55. I want to take a shovel and scoop out my innards. There was a time this morning, when I thought that now that Im at home and in bed, I can comfortably find this position or that, set up my laptop and watch a movie maybe. But Nooooo!!! A girl can be on an office chair, princess bed, on the floor or anywhere... this discomfort cannot be helped.
If you re wondering how Im writing this, its in a desperate need for distraction with almost shivering hands.
My right leg is my worst enemy. 

Moving is an amazing moment of co-ordination of discussions with various parts of the body. I have to get up in a moment to pee, and my shoulder (one of the very few parts of my busy that isn't in paint) is very guiltily checking with my abdomen if it can move. After a series of such checks and adjustments, I slowly move.
My pelvic region... I would gladly break away parts of my pelvic bone and the tail bone - if only I could throw away pain in those parts along with those parts.
It goes from moments of intense prayer to curses to just giving up. Gah.

10:45. The violent storms are finally calming down, and the ship is slowly...veeerrrrrryyy slowly regaining a semblance of balance. Hope in the possibility of staying alive (all in one piece!) is finally restored.

As things calm down, and land can be sighted a great distance away, peace takes over. There is still a shooting pain on my back. But after the last couple of hours, just pain is nothing. It's a welcome relief. The hot pack is warming my back and I thank heavens for letting me be able to stay in one position for such a length of time.

12:20. I don't know how it happened... or when it happened... but I had actually dozed off for almost an hour! My back is still being a pain... in pain rather. But its so much better than the crushing feeling of the morning. Now it's just pain. 

Now the storm is over.

I may still not be able to run for the next 1 or 2 days. There will still be an angle at which I walk - which probably makes me look like a 90 year old, but what the hell, its comfortable. But in reality, after this point, as much as I would love to walk bendy, I'll probably suck it up and walk straight, like all other girls do in this condition, almost every month.

Now that the land is actually clearly in sight, despite knowing that there are about 3 to 4 days before being able to get there, I can think of other stuff like - maybe something to eat. Thought of breaking/ chopping/ scrunching body parts are now gone :)

This was an interesting thing to share.

I wonder how many people I freaked out. And I wonder more about how many men would read this and go "NO WAY!!!!" And how many girls give a sympathetic knowing smile.

Life goes on, and this is done with for a month at least!

Have a good day ;)

Across the silver moon

The new year is here
All my plans are clear
All but the biggest one
From which Ive wanted to run
Now it is time to stop
Take a look at what could show up
Right?
Yup!

Life has been pretty good so far in 2014. Apart from silly mood swings, and decisions I didnt think I had the will power to stick to being made ~ its pretty good!
Stay calm motto helps ;)
Im being a lot more cautious of certain things...
And trying to be laid back about many other... I m really starting to wonder if nagging is in my gene! Hehe. I hope it isnt.

Thats all for now. Just a random update to let you know that all is well in 2014!

Love
More of the realist!

The other side.... that exists

This isn’t about life after death. Or poverty or any such thing.

This is about the other side of people.

Each person we meet inspires us to be a certain kind of person our self. Ergo, we inspire each person to be of a specific type to us.

Yesterday, we were making a list of people we thought were “happy” people to put on the cover of the in house magazine. There was an overall consensus, among the 4 of us involved in the discussion, on 75% of the names. Then it started…we were each suggesting names – where some or all of the others did not agree upon. Reactions ranged from; “Really?! Him ?!?” to “No way!!!” about a girl I thought I knew.

It was interesting how very different people are, even to each other!

Then there are those cases where we know someone under one circumstance, and then the situation changes. So hearing about them even staying the same as how they used to be, or worse seeing them in their former state – whereas, to each other, we’re now defining new interaction rules.

And back to the girl I never knew about…but happen to travel with her, and even joined around the same time that she did…I think in the distant past, I remember her being fun and jovial, when we were spending a bit of time together. And then things changed, and I forgot what was.

But forgetting, apparently does not mean that some things stop existing.

Facts in fiction :)

A little about me

Read if you're bored or curious!

Or just paste the questions in your blogger, and start answering for yourself :)

1. Most comforting place, smell, sound and memory?

Place.... by the beach, the sunrise... or by a river...I guess in not so crowded places near large water bodies

Smell... milk and mum

Sound...rain

Memory....Hot chocolate, or was it cold? Heavy rain, sitting in 2 arm chairs in the verandah, having a long talk with mum about God knows what. 

2. Your ambitions as a child and your ambitions now

As a child: to become a truck driver

Now: To become a famous author, singer, poet, lyricist, travel blogger...photographer

3. Biggest fear

Dogs.

4. Qualities you would like in a partner (if you would like one)

Trustworthy, patient and a really good sense of humour

5. Traits you couldn’t put up with in a partner (if you would like one)

Lying and not giving importance to the relationship

6. What is the worst thing you have done to another person? (Let them down, lied, faked love etc)

Ignored someone. 

7. What are your worst traits and features?

Attention seeker. Dominant. Easily bored.

8. What are your best traits and features?

I don't give up on people I care about (It doesn't feel like the best thing right now, but I think/ hope it stays)

9. How would you explain your idea of ‘true love’?

Wanting to be anyone for that person. Being able to completely be yourself with that person. Someone you automatically think about first when something good or bad happens. Someone who's presence you can feel. Someone, who, you automatically look for in a crowd. Someone you miss even before they leave. Someone, who... just through memories makes you smile/ laugh/ cry.

10. The biggest mistake you’ve made.

A promise a very long time ago.

11. Are you rational or more emotional?

Emotional 70%

12. Do you think you’re very conscious of the feelings of others or more self oriented?

Self oriented..60%

13. Greatest achievement personally.

If I had already achieved it, life would have become boring

14. If you struggle to sleep at night, what do you do to try and soothe yourself to sleep?

Rewrite endings of stories 

15. What irritates you most about society?

Tolerance to dirt and messiness (mine included)

16. When you compliment someone, what do you tend to focus on? (Looks, intelligence, personality…)

Whatever stands out in that person. A compliment is about them :)

17. Think of your oldest friend. If you met them now do you think you would still become friends?

Without a doubt

18. Something you love to do, but feel guilty about after/during?

Eating out. Junk food. Texting some people. Whiling away time.

19. Would you like children in the future. If so why?

Mmmmm......  :)

50 little things

1.How many pets do you own? 

One. Rock. I think he might have died a while ago.

2. What’s your least favorite season? 

Winter, when it doesn't rain

3. Do you prefer to text or call? 

Depends on the person. 

I mostly just prefer face to face conversations

4. Morning or night?

Night. Midnight.

5. Do you like tacos?

Not so much.

6. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Ambi

7. What’s your favorite desert?

Fried ice cream

8. Do you enjoy walks?

Love it. :)

9. Are you a frequent user of Facebook?

Unfortunately, yes.

Do I post everything about my life? No

10. Do you watch animated shows still?

More than many people. A lot less than I used to.

11. Can you roll your tongue?

Yes.

12. What’s your “lucky” number?

23

13. Are you scared of anything?

Dogs. 

Not knowing why. 

Being walked away from.

14. Big mac or big whopper?

Big Whopper

15. Do you like to play board games?

A little too much :P

16. Are you fond of romantic novels?

I even write them sometimes :P

17. Fruitloops or cocopops?

Neither

18. Would you eat a live spider for one million dollars?

If it's small, bring it on baby!

19. Are you a heavy drinker?

Nah

I can hold my drink though ;)

20. Would you forgive someone for cheating?

I'm not sure.

I'm starting to wonder (be afraid) that I just might.

21. Are you superstitious?

Yeah....

22. Have you seen A Clockwork Orange?

No. Whazzit?

23. Do you like to read?

Yes .... its a need. Which has its seasons.

24. Are you easily distressed?

Nope.

But when I am :/

25. Do you believe in aliens?

Maybe.... other beings in other planets...hmmmm

26. If you were the last person alive besides one other person you get to chose, who would it be?

Logically, it makes sense for it to be a man right?

But I'd still pick my sister :)

27. Dogs or cats?

Neither

But if I HAVE to pick, cats.

28. Are you a grumpy person?

Nope

29. What’s something you hate?

Lies. Being left out of a secret.

30. Are you a worry wart?

A teensie little bit.

31. Do you like having your picture taken?

Sometimes, when I feel I look good :)

32. Do you like cotton candy?

When I'm in the mood for sweet stuff.

33. Would you ever use a dating site?

Don't think I'm the type.

Though I might try one out of curiosity.

34. Do you believe in ghosts?

No

35. Rap or pop?

Pop

36. What’s the weirdest flavor of ice cream you’ve tried?

Mint with something (*Shudder*)

37. Do you like math?

I like formulae.

38. Are you the type of person to laugh at others misfortune?

Yes, but I laugh at mine too.

39. Love or lust?

Love.

40. Do you remember lyrics easily? 

Of songs I like...or those that get stuck in my head.

41. What was/is your favorite school subject?  

Science.

I think I might have been a well hidden geek

42: Do you like tattoos? 

No

43. Are you the type of person to lie? 

Sometimes.... for work?

44. Do you eat porridge for breakfast? 

Ugh no

45. What music are you listening to right now?

Silence of the wind :) 

46. Are you allergic to anything?

Metal...dust... the some types of artificial wood in tables...

47. Do you like Lady Gaga? 

Just her speaking accent

48. What about Nick Minaj?

Who dat?.

49. Do you like rainy days? 

More than a bowl of ice cream :)

50. Last question, do you like pie?

Apple pie? Yesh ! ;)

I could hear your heartbeat

Before... when I heard the word heartbeat, I imagined something like this:

DUK dukk DUK dukk DUK dukk DUK dukk DUK dukk DUK dukk
Along with this auditory imagination, that glowy like that jumped up, then fell a little below the median then continued on the flat for a while before jumping again, also accompanied- almost always.

We've all heard the heartbeat thousands of times. When hugging someone close, or at least versions of it - in songs, in medical dramas, in thrillers, in cop dramas... various sources. And as someone who watches plenty of most of the above, I assumed that I knew the beating heart very well.
I was a student of biology after all; we were taught the process of the heart beat in detail!

None of this years of assumed awareness, nothing prepared me for how I'd feel when I actually heard a real heartbeat.

Not long ago, a cousin of mine, who so happens to be a student of medicine, happened to have his stethoscope in his back. Looking at my excited face, he urged me to try it out.
I first tried to listen to my sister's heartbeat. Being a novice, I heard nothing. Nothing apart from my sister shrieking in her most dramatic tone; "You're saying I don't have a heart? Oh noooooooooooo!"
My cousin, took the chest piece of the stethoscope and placed it on his own chest.

In word, it was amazing!

In many; It was an organ... amidst gushing blood and sturdy muscles. It sounded vaguely muffled and underwater. But so very real, and so much closer.

I've never felt more alive, and in touch with my body that the moment when I got to hear my own heartbeat after that. That feeling is indescribably incredible!

I've always said that I wanted a tall guy for myself. The secret reason, I've been to embarrassed to admit is that I like to hear the person's heartbeat when I hug them. A long time back, every morning; as soon as I woke up, I would groggily walk to the kitchen. My mom would be there cooking, facing the stoves (obviously ;) ) And I would hug her from the back, for a minute or two, till I wanted to properly wake up. Most of my waking up memories are in the kitchen, rather than on the bed.
It was the perfect way to wake up... listening to her soft and steady heartbeat, engulfed in mommy smell.

At one point, I used to wonder why the symbol of the heart was so popular.
It was probably enthralled and awestruck people like me who made the heart oh-so-famous after listening to it close up. But you know what? I think it's worth it :P

-
Love with all my heart,
Yours truly :)

Sometimes...

Sometimes, we don't get second chances when it matters the most
Sometimes, you don't know if letting go is the best thing to do, even if that's the only option available to you
Sometimes, when you think you have finally gotten used to something, something small happens, and you realize you are exactly where you were not supposed to be anymore
Sometimes, small things like a car leaving the campus can be an important moment in someone's life
Sometimes, you want something to happen- as much as you dread it
Sometimes, I wish life were simpler, emotions less complicated to deal with and people a constant
Sometimes, the regrets come too late. Because realizations have a knack of sneaking up on you when you least expect it
Sometimes, trying to be over prepared makes you a nervous wreck
Sometimes, you contribute to a lot of happiness in someone else's day - even when yours in crappy- but that makes your day a bit brighter.
Sometimes, I wish I could curl up and wake up when the world makes it's mind up
Sometimes, I wonder how on earth I ever ever thought growing up would be an easy and fun thing to do - and even wanted it for myself
Sometimes, silence speaks more than words can ever do. But the welling tears spoil those moments
Sometimes, when everything sounds too perfect - it's probably about to go horribly wrong
Sometimes, just after the light goes off, the world feels darker than it really is.
And sometimes, adjusting to the darkness, while waiting for the light to come back on can take longer than you think it would.