It's always nice to start writing after eating something especially delicious.
As an ode to the year that was, as the last meal - I made myself my special bowl of chocolate ice cream. Basically a ton of chocolate ice cream with everything that I love in it in it :)

2014, the year that was... mmmm...

I read somewhere that the saddest word is "Almost"
She almost made it...He almost stopped her...They almost worked things out... She almost looked back

2014 was just so to me

I almost got a best friend back
I almost quit my job
I almost joined a new company
I almost found "that someone"
I almost got published (still)

2014 was also the year

I lost good friends

Some just decided to drop out of my world.
I don't know why. I did try a couple of times. And decided I'm too old for that drama, especially when there seems to be so much unexplainable (from my perspective of course) hatred.

And some ,,,well, this is a quote from a movie, which seemed to fit that situation perfectly:

"There are some things that are nothing more that what they are.
They are not meant to last.
They just take your place in the heart, and make you a little smarter the next time."

He briefly came back in my life... but we'd changed too much as people in the (about 3) years we'd spent apart. And we resented not having been there as part of the change, and the separation having caused a part of the change. However... we tried.. and briefly it was ... wonderfully.
There is a Tamil song that goes like this:

Un Karam Korkayil
Ninaivu Oraayiram
Pin Iru Karam Pirigayil
Ninaivu Nooraayiram

Roughly translated to:
When I hold your hands, there are a thousand memories
When the hands let go, there are a hundred thousand memories

Well, that perfectly described that. It wasn't romantic ...it was just the joy and the old comfort..but with irreparable differences that had cropped up. So smarter next time, I shall be :)

Some friends just moved away geographically...from work, and you know things won't be the same again.

The sister moved to a different city to study.
As much as I love the extra space and bigger bed, I love her more. And so many things aren't the same any more, and probably never will be.

I lost 3 brothers
I gained 2 friends, but one who once mattered a lot more is now not even a passing acquaintance. We just have a silent relationship, where we occasionally text to communicate, or pass on gifts. But it's all oh so silent. And silent is sad.

There was one dear friend, who may not regard me as that dear any more.

All this sad, 2014 wasn't all sad or bad!

On the up side ~ oh there were some nice ups :)

It was the year where I got drunk silly for the first time!
Happy to report that apart from severe balance issues, I don't cry or laugh to much, or blabber ..too much ;)

It was the year I finally actually! got inked :D
And unlike some people who sometimes like and some times are not comfortable with their tattoos, to me it feels like a complete part of me. It's gorgeous, and I'm so glad I decided to brave it on valentine's day!

It was the year I completely planned in detail an overseas vacation, and funded it for my sister and I :)

Also the year that I started funding my sister's masters education :)

It was the year I laughed till my stomach hurt - soooo many times!!! Almost on a regular basis
Those friends I gained were totally worth not quitting this job... friends from the company, friends who briefly consulted for the company- and continue on to be gems of people who will always be around!

It was the year, wherein I witnessed my boss's transformation from evilness personified to the best boss ever! How many people can experience that !

It was the year when my CFO walked up to my dad (on family day) and eagerly told him that I was the best employee in Administrations!

It was the year whence, both for my Birthday and Christmas, I was literally showered with gifts. Completely. Between that, and my stable job, this year, today, I can actually say I have EVERYTHING material that I want at the moment in this phase of life.

I've probably...no definitely taken more pictures in this year than all the previous years ...maybe even combined! Oh so many selfies ;)

It was the year where I got through the #100happydays challenge through and through!

The year, where I can proudly say that I spent a lot of quality time with many good friends ... all those who matter. Even if it is via online means in some cases, I think it still mattered, and it felt good. Especially knowing that regardless of the number of friends I have on facebook, I have a GOOD set of friends who are absolutely the best!

It was the year when I found for certain that my nagging tendencies come from my dad ;)
And we are on a nagging see-saw at home. If I don't nag, he does. Hehe.

It was the year, without any doubt or competition, when I ate out and socialized the most. I realized that excess socialization is really bad for you..r waistline. *Sigh*

It was the year I found how organized I could be. And how much I love being so!

The year where I got back to sports - shuttle and carom almost on a regular basis. Competition is really good :)

So many more memories moments missed, those as well!

I made a lot of memories in 2014:
Genie awards:

• Best drinking spree: Cunoor. Night around the bonfire. Being supported just for standing
• Most resolute moment: Getting Inked, Feb 14, 2014.
  Me: "Please excuse me if I scream. I'm slightly scared of needles"
  Tattoo artist: "Scream away. Screaming should be made the best for of communication"
• Happiest moment: When he said hello back
• Special special memories: The 26th Birthday with the cakes and the gifts
• Sweetest friend of the year: Me: "Why so many gifts! It feels like the Christmas miracle or something!" Him: "That's exactly why...so you feel that way"
• Saddest moments:
  1. Being sent the picture of someone opening a gift, because I couldn't/ wouldn't be there
  2. Leaving sis at hostel for the second time, after she had broken down weeping
  3. Knowing it's over...all over again. But not seeing it said.
• The most desperate moment: When I realized both my team mates were quitting, and I was left with my (then) evil boss
• Best friend proposal: That evening, writing notes on samsung note "I think we can be good friends"
• Best vacation of the year: Malaysia!!!
• Proudest moment: When sis got her call letter for her masters
• Most liberated moment: When daddy let me drive the car around one morning
• Most torn apart moment: When I decided to cancel my resignation

2014... despite all these good moments, great moments and sad moments, I'm really glad to see it go. 2014 had way too many blah moments. Like nothing great happened / nothing that really made it exciting ... not like Korea of 2013 or the book writing of 2012. It was a good year, but ...well... it was more of a year wherein... I had 25 years before, and I had 1 yr to organize everything so far. I organized a lot of things this year - in my head, and in all my shelves. and most definitely in my life. So 2014, to me, was just a Goodbye Year. Where I understood what had to be kept, and what had to go, and said good bye to all that is, so I can move on to the next phase.

Whatever... wherever ... whenever ... whoever that is.

2014

I sang a lot...danced a lot...
Laughed a lot....loved a lot...
Ran quite a bit
Travelled too much (commute to work)...
Ate too much as well
Gave up hope
Then regained it
Didn't wish too much though

2014, it was a good run.
Thank you for the patience you taught me
For the people you brought in my life
For the people you brought back in my life
For the people who were in it from even before
For the people you helped me gracefully let go of
For all the laughter
For the tears, that made me stronger
For the doubts that helped me make plan B's
For the success
For the failures
For the blessings
For being a steady ally
My frenemy
Good bye now :)

When Santa Came a Visiting

Christmas 2014

I have a feeling that in my many many years to come, 2014 may by far be the best in terms of gifts received!

It was crazy and it was awesome :D

My amazingly lovely friends, and online shopping together made it a Christmas which would have made any Santa proud, and any little girl (apparently big girls too!) squeal with excitement.

I know it is materialistic of me... but I'm going to indulge this time.

So it all started with my very normal, and very regular "Christmas List"

The kind I put up before every birthday, and every Christmas. You know, that random wish list that everybody has :)

My blog is not the most famous or popular...but a few good friends still follow it sweetly! And I guess it all started there ... and with a few of my good friends from office wanting to get me Christmas gifts as well, seeing how crazily I seemed to be grinning and jumping around all the time due to the Christmas season! Or even before, when I got myself the OTG, which was the biggest one on the list, and started my baking frenzy ;)

There are about 4 to 5 little chapters to this Christmas story, after the OTG :) Maybe more!

1.

"Hey, I have to get a dress for a friend who is about the same height and build as you. Help me pick one from the options I'm going to send you"

How sweet is that! From a most obvious friend ;)

We spent almost 2 hours checking out oh-so-many dresses. When I said that I didn't prefer the red, only because I had 2 other red dresses, he agreed. Completely giving away the fact that it was for me. Yet almost innocently believing that it would come as a surprise to me.

But the website sends me a text as soon as the order is confirmed, and the poor dear was so upset that the cat was out of the bag so soon! But it was a gorgeous dress, and he is an absolute darling!

2.

"An office backpack"

So my good friend from office decided that his Christmas present would be the Office Back pack. I love my purple ones, but they've become slightly old, and hence it's time for a change you see.

We spent days looking for one, and went through countless stores - online and brick. But to no avail. 

Then one fine day, one more friend from office says lets all go shopping, and within the hour, I had a(nother) pretty black and gold dress (A traditional one this time) and black pumps (from the list! :D )

So the office backpack didn't get through, but who cares when better things were in store!

I think I'll bling up my old ones and revamp them ;)

3.

(I get a call) "Tell this guy where you're is! Quick"

This from the same friend who got me the dress. "But whyyy...you ...you already got me...". "babe, he's at you're street, and can't find your house. Call him now!"

I got a box, which claimed to have 7 items in it. But I promised my friend that I wouldn't open it till Christmas day. So it waited around till then, and on Christmas day I find that it's got seven bottles of beautiful nail paints. Yaay yaay !! 2 of them which have already found their way on to my nails :)

Happiness!

4.

"So, When I get back, I'm going to take you on that long drive on the ECR"

Aren't promises of good things to come the most gladdening things ever. It's like a nice thing to look forward to, and it's always a good feeling!

5.

"Umm... dessert bowls?"

"You're baking now... "

"Äaaaahhh...."

 ;)

6.

"How many boxes of things keep coming to you ?!?!"

Well, between the stuff I was buying for others, and the gifts, there sure were many. So it's kind of understandable that my grandmother was getting a little suspicious of it all. 

I keep this box till Christmas day as well. And this too is from the same friend. I guess I might as well just rename him THE BEST SANTA EVER. This time, they were headphones. 

And, not just random Phillips or even fancy Sony headphones I wanted (because my old headphones had gotten slightly worn out) but these were over the top JBL head phones ... about which he asks if I am okay with the J55 ...that he considered the J88, but they seemed too big. Blink blink. White headphones that perfect match my laptop and have ridiculously amazingly brilliant sound quality - WHOAVE only :P

7.

I also got a silent gift - silent because that person and I had a major fall out. Yet we still silently traded gifts.

I know it's the thought that counts ... but how much thought have these amazing people put into not just the gift, but also how and why they picked those. 

Be it my favourite Santa ever, who not only spent hours picking a dress for me, but also went to many stores and checked sizes of headphones, and so sweetly announced that he has never shopped for nail paints before, and he hoped to God that I liked those! Or my friend who picked out dessert bowls cause I'm baking or those sweet souls who would have scourged no less than a dozen shops with me, as I happily hunted for what I wanted. And of course my dad, who not only bought me an amazingly fancy dress, but also kidnapped my sister and brought her home for a crash visit this Christmas - because next Christmas I may (like he desperately hopes) or may not have another family that would have my divided attention as well.

This Christmas, I really did feel wonderfully blessed and loved :)

And more so, because I realize there are so many people who actually want me to have a wonderfully blessed and merry Christmas!

Thank you so very muchly and wish you all a very Merry Christmas! .*. 

P.S : I'm still wondering what on earth I should get my peter pan Santa friend ... he wouldn't tell me what he wants o.o

Any suggestions?

Deck the halls with boughs of Holly

It's yet again the season to be jolly :)
Season to love and more importantly hope!
I've recently noticed that I've become a believer or wisher of the utopian-world. Which isn't keeping me very happy, as I see myself unhappy about every little thing (and there are a gazillion :( ) that is not as it should be. Even small abberations. However, hoping that that will just run its course and fizzle out, this is not the season for perfectionism, it is time for happy happiness :)

This Christmas season I am thankful for every little thing and the big things I've gotten this year (more detailed year end review to follow a little later this year) and hope and pray that God gives me patience and good sense in the days , and years to come :)

As hopes go, I'm putting up my annual Christmas wishlist. Well hope is after all the theme of this time ;)

Here goes:

1. Black 2 inch pumps
2. Office backpack
3. Chocolate and Mango cookies
4. OTG
5. Nail polish!!!
6. Silver paint... to paint my wall! And white paint ~ 1 lt each :D
7. Purple dress
8. Memory foamed mattress
9. Loong drive in the ECR :P
10. Headphones
11. Fridge list magnet
12. Hair brush with natural bristles :)

Too much of a good thing

In today's news, I read that some guy who works for Google quit his job. Big deal right? Anyone can quit a good job! But the reason for quitting was what got him on the news: because he was getting too comfortable in it, and everything felt too fun and easy. 

The general reaction from the public (as can be expected) was that he was crazy and should just enjoy it, while thanking God for his good fortunes.
However, I actually agree with his views and actions. This might be because of my sometimes strong pessimistic nature, which pops up. Just maybe. When life is getting too easy, and everything feels too peachy, there is a feeling of wariness that settles in. At least in me. It feels like... If everything is going too well, even if I don't pay attention for a second, the bad might creep up on me and totally take me by surprise. When I'm least prepared for it. So, I'd rather, like him, quit while the tide is high. Better safe with lesser comforts than being plummeted down unaware.
Which is kind of the situation in my current job. Not that it is anywhere as cool or awesome as google probably was for him. But it is getting a bit too comfortable and familiar. I'm not going to do anything drastic as that dude though. But I am taking a step back and will be pushing myself further in the more professional front. I'm also unfortunately, in the process, becoming meaner and moodier ~ collateral damage so to speak. But it feels like the safer choice.
Gah life and its crazies!!!

Like none ever before

It was a night like no other

The soft low howl of the echoing through the streets and roads

Yet, it was strong enough to sway her bike

That she had to struggle to keep it steady

As she tried to ride as fast as safety allowed her to.

There was something different in the air

A sense of lonely despair

She was sure it didn’t come from within her

Just an unsettling quiet

On that silent night

It was a night like no other

Fallen leaves, things of poetry

Swirled on the roads like things of nightmares

Small tornadoes, uncharacteristic of that place

Slashing into her, as she tried to focus

And then out of the blue

Out of the inky blue of the late night

It started to rain

Heavy droplets,

That fell like pin pricks

It was a night like no other

People seemed to be in a blind rush

The roads seemed emptier

Yet, there was enough traffic to keep restrict the pace

Within that unspoken serene death race

The wind made sense now

She realized, as the rain drops fell stronger

She took a shortcut

In the hope of getting back faster

Getting home faster

She made another sharp turn

And that’s when it happened

Two vehicles swerved and screeched

Not quite coming to a halt

Barely but successfully avoiding each other

Then, she looked at him

Into his calm and serene eyes

With her panicked and suddenly scared ones

His calmness seemed unnatural

Yet, he smiled just that naturally and rode away

She hadn’t stopped her bike

Though her heart had stopped a bit

For fear. Not because of anything else

Yet his unexpected calm eyes had distracted her enough

Calming her down faster

And then wonder

Why and how they had been so

The rain had given way

Between that turn, her thoughts and now

The sky was a little clearer

And the moon shone

It struck her that she hadn’t seen the moon in a long time

She smiled as she finally closed the door behind her

It was a night like no other

Like none she had ever seen before

That serenity and calmness in there

Wasn’t in it before

-

Mentally written on 2 August, 2014

It really was a night like no other

Best Laid Plans

I have a swing in my veranda... a one seater, hanging by an iron link chain kinda swing... I bought it like 2 years ago. And it's been more than a year since I actually used it.
I work in a smaller town 25 kms from where I live. I'm away from home a good 13 hrs a day - and that's just the time between leaving home and returning, not taking into consideration the getting ready time and the like.
Today, I got home early after a meeting. 2 hours early! The climate was perfect... it was just about to rain. The thunder rumbled in the sky, lightning streaked. I had a book I had begun just this morning. So it seemed like the perfect combination... I had enough time to take a quick shower by the time the rain got really going, and I would be there for the jam session.
I even had the first few lines of that post written in my head, as I gleefully got set for my rainy day swing reading session. Even my sister wasn't expected home for the next hour. I got out, and quickly dug out the book from my bag and I all my leap over to the swing.
Obviously, from the build up to the finale, you guessed that my amazing plan didn't go through.
I go out, to see my grandma quietly swinging and watching the rain. Of course I didn't have the heart to ask her if I could use the swing for a while. She just looked so peaceful.
So I went back in, and watched some more Grey's Anatomy.


Over the last 6 months, I've made so many plans and I've seen them all tumble and fail terribly and miserably. Big plans & small plans. The saddest thing I saw, physically felt, fall was my passion for this job. When I joined, I felt like it was the dream job. It was exactly what I had wanted. Too perfectly... in a Korean company. So it just could not have gotten better. I loved it for all of one year. I learnt so much from one boss. He left. I learnt a lot, despite the next boss. And then it slowly rolled to a stop.

Till one day in February, I actually felt the emptiness in it all. The complacence ..and the giving up.
Business was down, politics was raging like wild fire and I felt like collateral damage. I didn't have much work to do. I could meet my monthly targets in 4 days work. I'd known that industrial set ups don't have much work many times for the HR department, but this was a crazy low. But I stuck on...The pay was good. And I decided if they want to pay me for nothing, I will let them.
Feeling worthless... especially when ALL of one's time is invested in that thing can only go on for so long.

I'm now at a cross road... it's time to decide how to get to my next destination...since I already know what that is.

I can see that talking about a wonderful but tiny plan failing...and then about the bigger plans in life. It;s just that over this year I have learned to accept and even expect the pitfalls in the best laid plans. Especially the best laid plans.
So I have to keep my back up plans ready and roaring! :)

As always,
Someday's Dreamer

10 day challenge : Day 9

2 smileys that describe my life right now

Across the silver moon

The new year is here
All my plans are clear
All but the biggest one
From which Ive wanted to run
Now it is time to stop
Take a look at what could show up
Right?
Yup!

Life has been pretty good so far in 2014. Apart from silly mood swings, and decisions I didnt think I had the will power to stick to being made ~ its pretty good!
Stay calm motto helps ;)
Im being a lot more cautious of certain things...
And trying to be laid back about many other... I m really starting to wonder if nagging is in my gene! Hehe. I hope it isnt.

Thats all for now. Just a random update to let you know that all is well in 2014!

Love
More of the realist!