Whoa! It's time again for a review of a year that was post! And, what a year it was!!!

2017 subtly, gently but surely nudged me out of my comfort zone in so many ways.

I did travel as much as I would have liked to, but almost none of them were alone. 5 domestic - Fort Kochin, Pondicherry, Wagamon, Tirunelveli and Mumbai (the one day trip - the only one I went alone on) and 1 international - China. Most surprisingly (probably only to myself) I immensely enjoyed the different kinds of company I had on each of those trips, and even feel that I wouldn't have liked/ enjoyed/ covered half as much had I been alone! Be it covering all the exhibits of the Art Biennale which I definitely wouldn't have done without my companion, Figuring our way through a foreign land, not knowing the language, feeling lost - that day, if it hadn't been for my friend who was able to keep a cool head, I would have broken down for sure or Lying in a tent on a hill that's almost where the clouds as the sky cracked open and poured down on us, as a girl friend and I giggled and laughed at our love stories, with no care about the downpour outside.

I was given incremental roles at work - things that required me to learn SO much more than I would have ever imagined, and more importantly, about things that I once believed were so far out of my scope of interest. If you'd told me just a couple of years back that I would be writing statement of works for drill kits, vices and what not (with the help of an engineer of course) and be able to do basic repairs in 3D printers, I'd have said you're high on imagination - but well here I am!
At the end of the day, as challenging as it was, I completely enjoy it!

Serious relationship! Now this one was and is a roller coaster - but I'm not alone, and hence it's so much fun! Yes I've been in relationships before. Even this relationship started last year, but it was just this year - almost starting from a conversation we had on January first, did the seriousness sink in. What initially seemed almost impossible is now a beautiful reality.
Long distance relationship - I've got a year of that left, so I'm going to just say that as long as there's enough love, it's not as bad I expected it to be at all!

Writing fantasy - this one was a pleasant surprise! I actually started working on my fantasy novel last year. I wrote about 5000 words then and paused. I realized this year that I was trying to extrapolate too much from my life experience and had to let that go. The world that opened up post that is extraordinary! I hope I do it justice in 2018 :)

All this, however, would not have been ever possible without the support system I had!
My family - old and new who have been sweet and great, My friends - they're rock solid and the best ever, My team - Best team ever!

Now moving on to some of my favorite moments of 2017:

1. Getting engaged. Funnily enough, the engagement of July 5th sunk in for me only on September 4th. ;)
2. The great wall of China, making it to there by train. Watching the sunset from there. Being there when it was pretty much empty - just about 5 others were there, and having a marvel and greatness of the endless wall sink in. That was fabulous!
3. Holding the hands of the tiny, minutes (less than an hour old) daughter of my close friend, after having stayed with her through the labor, calculating the time between contractions and waiting in front of the labor room. That's an experience that cannot fully be described! Got to mention that I went for a walk with the mother just the evening before :) 
4. Getting a phone as a gift from my sister! The little thing is all grown up, earning and even giving expensive gifts!!! Time flies. Proud moment :)
5. Getting picked up to go to a certain dinner by a certain someone. I had decided against going to that dinner because I didn't know them too well. However, I was picked up, and taken and made to feel at home. That car ride still makes me smile :)
6. Sitting on a cliff somewhere in Wagamon, watching the clouds pass by below and the sunrise above, as the plot of what happens in a world created within my head came to life 
7. Getting paati a new earring with Jeffy. It's sweet how proud grannies are of being gifted by her grandchildren.
8. Sitting on a swing and catching up with a friend of mine after almost 5 years. That was happiness. 
9. Meeting my team face to face in China this year :D
10. Craft - This year I crafted a lot of things beyond just dream catchers. It's been a whole load of fun. I hope I continue to do so!

Biggest regrets of 2017:

1. Mixing friends and money - lesson learnt: DON'T
2. Not going to Vascos for lunch :( I don't know why I don't do some things that I want to so badly sometimes
3. Putting on weight *cries*
4. Not writing more
5. Not taking better care of myself. Be it dressing up or staying fit. 

Hopes for 2018:

1. To not get lost in the vortex of wedding planning. Still have a wedding I enjoy.
2. To finish writing ATU
3. Go to at least one new country (please please please Travel Gods)
4. Find the gentle balance between Us and Me in relationships
5. Learn to wear make up
6. 58

If you stayed on to read all the way till here - Big hug and thank you :)

I hope you had an amazing year as well!

Do share a memory of your year here if you like :)

See you in 2018 ❤

27 - A Year in Review

Yet another year is over ...
I am now Twenty Eight years old!
I don't consciously feel it yet. But I know it has happened - know it not just from the number but also because of where and how I am in life.
The Twenty Seventh year was a testimony to that.

Prominent Achievements:

1. I bought a car - not a starting, base segment car, but a decent mid segment hatchback. FINALLY!
   AND, I've paid off the loan for it, so it's completely mine now!
2. The story I wrote got published (again, finally!) - Crystal Cacophony
   So I'm one step closer to the dream ;)
3. I switched jobs. I finished exactly 3 years with my last organization, and now I'm in yet another brilliant organization with an amazing multinational team, with a bigger scope of responsibility and getting to do all that I love!
4. I went as a Guest Speaker - to a university, to speak to a bunch of  MBA grad students.

Happy Things:

1. I have learned to drive comfortably now. (Thanks to very patient friend who helped expedite this process!)
2. I wrote and blogged more over the last year - happy to be writing a lot again!
3. I tasted some amazing yummy food - ate a lot!
4. Family, as always was there anytime needed :)
5. I have good friends - and I'm blessed to have them!

Major Regrets:

1. Having to let go of a few really amazing people who were in my life. For not being able to like/ love them as much as they did me, and the imbalance was obviously not fair on any of us.
2. No international travel last year
3. I didn't stand up strong enough for myself during a case of harassment.  
4. I ate too much :/ And didn't balance it with working out enough. 

Major Lessons Learnt:

1. Life goes on.
2. No point complaining if you're not going to do something about it!
3. If I want something, really want something, I can find it by all means available to me
4. Gifts don't necessarily buy love. Neither does good food. But Food is closer.

27

That was the year when I experienced an actual flood. Saw water surround the house. We were some of the lucky ones who didn't incur heavy damage. 

That was the year when the biggest awesome things that happened to me were almost all in my control - it made me realize that being a grown-up is not so bad after all. Being single and accomplished is something I am - something I am proud of. 

27

Personal life wise - very calm. Maintained status quo. Maybe I needed that stability there while I established professionally. And now I'm ready to make things happen in this arena as well. Maybe!

Twenty Seven ...in retrospect, you've been a good year!

You've helped me dig deep into myself to find the courage, resilience, will power and positivity to march on ahead. For that, thank you :)

Look forward to how the Twenty Eight is going to be!

Yours always,

Someday's Dreamer 

Being 26 - A year end review!

And we're finally here :)
I'm actually a week late on this post... took a week to process the 52 weeks that were. Or get over it. Whichever!

This might be the shortest yearly review post so far, but it is still a year's worth of events so, here goes!

26 ...twenty six... it sure dragged quite a bit, but was also quite fun. Like how lazy Sunday's are. It was rounded, blunt and comfortable. No major heart aches. No life altering events. Just a few intense ones. 

If 25 was an amazing roller coaster - with a Korean theme, I think 26 was dedicated to all the special men in my life. They totally saved the year from complete mediocrity, so to say!

My dad and I got much closer. We also had many many more yelling matches than ever before. I found out that a lot of who I am today is because of him. That I am a lot more like him, than I would have guessed! It has been a lovely year that way. He even let me drive his car once ;)

2 guys from work who have moved from brother zone, to friend zone, and have become such amazing confidantes and partners in crime, that I totally feel blessed to have found them! We make such a happy team of friends it's a ball all the time. And like one of them keeps pointing out, Even fighting is so much fun with them!

My long distance best friend got whatsapp, and we really got back in touch - and that's one of the bestest thing of last year. He's a real peach! Probably spoiling me for life by being super patient and pampery! He was the best Santa last Christmas, sent me a forest of red roses for Valentines, ensured I had the yummiest and sweetest birthday cake for 27th ... showing me how much he cares. Not just materialistically, but by being there all the time when I need him, and hearing me out! I even get though PMS and first days with him! That's how much of an important role he played in my 26th, and continues to! I only hope I can give back a tenth of what he has done for me.

Can too much love be too harmful? Apparently that's a yes. I got first hand experience of being someone overly cared for. However, that person, brother is also one of the sweetest, kindest more caring human beings I've known. so that relationship has been the most restructured and modified relationships so far. Trying to make it possible, but you can't have it all. We can still try :)

My best friend ... or about time that I accepted that he is now my ex-best friend and I got back in touch, just to find that things can't work out even as friends. We even met, he was within my reach and then gone. You can start hating, more accurately resenting someone because you loved them too much at one point.

My partner finally got out of something sticky, and is moving on. He will be married in less than a month's time, and I hope he is so happily. Fingers crossed! I know he deserves it :)

Those were the highlights about the important men in my life.

There are also other good friends I've made at office. And I generally belong more with the boys group than the girls :P To the extent that they forget that I'm a girl quite often ;) But that's cool as its quite comfortably convenient, and I don't have to be coy or girly - realizing its a liberating feeling that!

Some other very important things that have happened over the last year are:

One of my best friends got married. She found a lovely guy, and they are already happily married! Love to both!

I officially financially support another human being :) It's an empowering feeling!

I have learnt to bake cakes :D Just 2 so far, but, it's a start!

The groom hunt is on. And it really feels like a real hunting season. And I'm not sure if I'm hunting or being hunted. A lot of mixed, complex and complicated feelings there.

We had a lovely family vacation in Malaysia :)

I really organized my cupboards, and got rid of a lot of junk. It may not seem like a big thing, but trust me, it was! It felt like a BIG step into adulthood to have that :) I had ironing clothes as a hobby for almost 2 months!

I got back in touch with a lot of family. That's been nice!

Gadget wise, brilliant year!! Laptop, cell phone, even headphones and the like have had brilliant upgrades B)

Brand wise too. The stable income has made shopping from big brands a really easy thing to do :P No complaints there!

Got a ginormous amount of gifts. And anything else I wanted, I got it myself!

Some unfortunate things:

I have had a falling out with another very very good friend of mine. She is an amazing person, but sometimes, unknowingly, we use one person as a dump for all the negativity in our lives. I unfortunately became that person for her, and I had to get out of that rut. I hope that

I did not go on any vacation alone last year. Since my 19th year, I've been making it a point to get away and have some alone time at least once a year, but that didn't happen.

That falling out with the ex-best friend already mentioned.

Some nice people who had become friends at work moved away, moving apart.

Some other good friends also moved away geographically to be with their spouses or for other reasons.

I don't know which category this belongs in, I resigned. Cancelled resignation. And apart from travel to and from, I have become very comfortable with the job. And uncomfortable about the status quo comfort. So that's been at a weird state. Got to figure that out!


So over all, 26 was a good year. But bad because of how ordinary and uneventful it was. But it was good because it wasn't bad ;) It was too simplistic, with too many routines. I'm looking forward to a more eventful 27 :)

Good Bye Year :2014

It's always nice to start writing after eating something especially delicious.
As an ode to the year that was, as the last meal - I made myself my special bowl of chocolate ice cream. Basically a ton of chocolate ice cream with everything that I love in it in it :)

2014, the year that was... mmmm...

I read somewhere that the saddest word is "Almost"
She almost made it...He almost stopped her...They almost worked things out... She almost looked back

2014 was just so to me

I almost got a best friend back
I almost quit my job
I almost joined a new company
I almost found "that someone"
I almost got published (still)

2014 was also the year

I lost good friends

Some just decided to drop out of my world.
I don't know why. I did try a couple of times. And decided I'm too old for that drama, especially when there seems to be so much unexplainable (from my perspective of course) hatred.

And some ,,,well, this is a quote from a movie, which seemed to fit that situation perfectly:

"There are some things that are nothing more that what they are.
They are not meant to last.
They just take your place in the heart, and make you a little smarter the next time."

He briefly came back in my life... but we'd changed too much as people in the (about 3) years we'd spent apart. And we resented not having been there as part of the change, and the separation having caused a part of the change. However... we tried.. and briefly it was ... wonderfully.
There is a Tamil song that goes like this:

Un Karam Korkayil
Ninaivu Oraayiram
Pin Iru Karam Pirigayil
Ninaivu Nooraayiram

Roughly translated to:
When I hold your hands, there are a thousand memories
When the hands let go, there are a hundred thousand memories

Well, that perfectly described that. It wasn't romantic ...it was just the joy and the old comfort..but with irreparable differences that had cropped up. So smarter next time, I shall be :)

Some friends just moved away geographically...from work, and you know things won't be the same again.

The sister moved to a different city to study.
As much as I love the extra space and bigger bed, I love her more. And so many things aren't the same any more, and probably never will be.

I lost 3 brothers
I gained 2 friends, but one who once mattered a lot more is now not even a passing acquaintance. We just have a silent relationship, where we occasionally text to communicate, or pass on gifts. But it's all oh so silent. And silent is sad.

There was one dear friend, who may not regard me as that dear any more.

All this sad, 2014 wasn't all sad or bad!

On the up side ~ oh there were some nice ups :)

It was the year where I got drunk silly for the first time!
Happy to report that apart from severe balance issues, I don't cry or laugh to much, or blabber ..too much ;)

It was the year I finally actually! got inked :D
And unlike some people who sometimes like and some times are not comfortable with their tattoos, to me it feels like a complete part of me. It's gorgeous, and I'm so glad I decided to brave it on valentine's day!

It was the year I completely planned in detail an overseas vacation, and funded it for my sister and I :)

Also the year that I started funding my sister's masters education :)

It was the year I laughed till my stomach hurt - soooo many times!!! Almost on a regular basis
Those friends I gained were totally worth not quitting this job... friends from the company, friends who briefly consulted for the company- and continue on to be gems of people who will always be around!

It was the year, wherein I witnessed my boss's transformation from evilness personified to the best boss ever! How many people can experience that !

It was the year when my CFO walked up to my dad (on family day) and eagerly told him that I was the best employee in Administrations!

It was the year whence, both for my Birthday and Christmas, I was literally showered with gifts. Completely. Between that, and my stable job, this year, today, I can actually say I have EVERYTHING material that I want at the moment in this phase of life.

I've probably...no definitely taken more pictures in this year than all the previous years ...maybe even combined! Oh so many selfies ;)

It was the year where I got through the #100happydays challenge through and through!

The year, where I can proudly say that I spent a lot of quality time with many good friends ... all those who matter. Even if it is via online means in some cases, I think it still mattered, and it felt good. Especially knowing that regardless of the number of friends I have on facebook, I have a GOOD set of friends who are absolutely the best!

It was the year when I found for certain that my nagging tendencies come from my dad ;)
And we are on a nagging see-saw at home. If I don't nag, he does. Hehe.

It was the year, without any doubt or competition, when I ate out and socialized the most. I realized that excess socialization is really bad for you..r waistline. *Sigh*

It was the year I found how organized I could be. And how much I love being so!

The year where I got back to sports - shuttle and carom almost on a regular basis. Competition is really good :)

So many more memories moments missed, those as well!

I made a lot of memories in 2014:
Genie awards:

• Best drinking spree: Cunoor. Night around the bonfire. Being supported just for standing
• Most resolute moment: Getting Inked, Feb 14, 2014.
  Me: "Please excuse me if I scream. I'm slightly scared of needles"
  Tattoo artist: "Scream away. Screaming should be made the best for of communication"
• Happiest moment: When he said hello back
• Special special memories: The 26th Birthday with the cakes and the gifts
• Sweetest friend of the year: Me: "Why so many gifts! It feels like the Christmas miracle or something!" Him: "That's exactly why...so you feel that way"
• Saddest moments:
  1. Being sent the picture of someone opening a gift, because I couldn't/ wouldn't be there
  2. Leaving sis at hostel for the second time, after she had broken down weeping
  3. Knowing it's over...all over again. But not seeing it said.
• The most desperate moment: When I realized both my team mates were quitting, and I was left with my (then) evil boss
• Best friend proposal: That evening, writing notes on samsung note "I think we can be good friends"
• Best vacation of the year: Malaysia!!!
• Proudest moment: When sis got her call letter for her masters
• Most liberated moment: When daddy let me drive the car around one morning
• Most torn apart moment: When I decided to cancel my resignation

2014... despite all these good moments, great moments and sad moments, I'm really glad to see it go. 2014 had way too many blah moments. Like nothing great happened / nothing that really made it exciting ... not like Korea of 2013 or the book writing of 2012. It was a good year, but ...well... it was more of a year wherein... I had 25 years before, and I had 1 yr to organize everything so far. I organized a lot of things this year - in my head, and in all my shelves. and most definitely in my life. So 2014, to me, was just a Goodbye Year. Where I understood what had to be kept, and what had to go, and said good bye to all that is, so I can move on to the next phase.

Whatever... wherever ... whenever ... whoever that is.

2014

I sang a lot...danced a lot...
Laughed a lot....loved a lot...
Ran quite a bit
Travelled too much (commute to work)...
Ate too much as well
Gave up hope
Then regained it
Didn't wish too much though

2014, it was a good run.
Thank you for the patience you taught me
For the people you brought in my life
For the people you brought back in my life
For the people who were in it from even before
For the people you helped me gracefully let go of
For all the laughter
For the tears, that made me stronger
For the doubts that helped me make plan B's
For the success
For the failures
For the blessings
For being a steady ally
My frenemy
Good bye now :)

Deck the halls with boughs of Holly

It's yet again the season to be jolly :)
Season to love and more importantly hope!
I've recently noticed that I've become a believer or wisher of the utopian-world. Which isn't keeping me very happy, as I see myself unhappy about every little thing (and there are a gazillion :( ) that is not as it should be. Even small abberations. However, hoping that that will just run its course and fizzle out, this is not the season for perfectionism, it is time for happy happiness :)

This Christmas season I am thankful for every little thing and the big things I've gotten this year (more detailed year end review to follow a little later this year) and hope and pray that God gives me patience and good sense in the days , and years to come :)

As hopes go, I'm putting up my annual Christmas wishlist. Well hope is after all the theme of this time ;)

Here goes:

1. Black 2 inch pumps
2. Office backpack
3. Chocolate and Mango cookies
4. OTG
5. Nail polish!!!
6. Silver paint... to paint my wall! And white paint ~ 1 lt each :D
7. Purple dress
8. Memory foamed mattress
9. Loong drive in the ECR :P
10. Headphones
11. Fridge list magnet
12. Hair brush with natural bristles :)

25 - The Year In Review

So it's done... I turned 26. 

I'm done being 25!!!

A small brief look at the year that was :)

For starters, I always expected 25 to be a big year – signalling one quarter of existence and all. And it was, in more ways than I imagined it to. So let me go through this in three parts – The Bad, The Awesome and The Lessons Learnt!

The Bad

1. Got rejected. Twice.
2. The job that I loved transitioned to the job that I tolerate
3. Not yet published (Though it will happen soon, or eventually, hopefully)
4. Lost a friend
5. Lost a phone – XOLO, worst customer service and after sales service in the history of the universe!
6. My Stevie (laptop) crashed

 The Awesome

1. Stayed in a beautiful country for 2 whole months (South Korea)
2. Saw snow!!! Walked in Snow. Drank hot chocolate I as walked in snow :)
3. Got a tattoo!!!!! (Finally!.... I really did it!)
4. Got back my best friend (After 2.5 yrs)
5. Loved someone
6. Had a job I loved (Still have the job, just don’t love it ;) )
7. Made global friends (Russian, Korean, Chinese, American)
8. The first birth year that I had a job from the start to finish!
9. Travelled to 2 countries amazing countries. Loved both for very varied reasons - The States for the people and the attitude, and South Korea for the sheer beauty of it all :)
10. Ate a lot of amazing food (like a LOT!!!)
11. Became really organized ( Gymming regularly (almost), writing regularly, sticking to things from start to finish)
12. Went to Lotte world [ :D Twice! And the Gyro drop]
13. Got an awesome new anna who actually keeps snickers ready for me ALL the time!
14. Learnt a new language decently (before I dropped it)
15. I went from completely clued in to clueless to just calm

The Lessons Learnt

This is an interesting category... anything can be a lesson learnt. Any good experience or bad.:) However, here goes

1. It pays to be calm
2. It pays to be straightforward
3. Patience can be learnt. And I might have just learnt to practice it a little bit!
4. Love involves a lot of adjusting, hurts like crazy sometimes, and you have to know when to take the call on whether something is not worth it, or worth fighting for - not always an easy rational choice
5. Some relationships are too high maintenance, and as we grow older, we realize that they are sometimes not required
6. People change- big time. Its funny how strongly that realization hits every time.
7. Old love can be rekindled into love or friendship, it all depends on you
8. Travelling rocks. Nothing NOTHING like travelling alone, exploring new places, and trying to figure out a country or place's culture based on their history and trying to connect the dots, and just being there, soaking it all in
9. Politics is, unfortunately, an essential part of South Indian companies
10. It is always safer to keep the personal life - professional divide
11. Sometimes, the lines fade, you might get to have strong new bonds, but one should be ready for messy after effects in case the relationship goes sour
12. Being happy is a choice
13. When I stop nagging, my dad nags
14. Money can buy happiness sometimes. To an extent, but it can.
15. Supporting the parents financially gives an amazing sense of accomplishment, in the best possible way
16. Sisters are such marvellous confidantes!
17. Family matters.
18. Friends do too.
19. If he does not fight for you, he doesn't deserve you.
20. Alcohol helps :P Dancing helps more!
21. Rumours are bloody vicious. But castles inside the head are sometimes more harmful.
22. Food is the best. Shopping is a close second.
23. I am difficult to shop for. Just take me shopping in stead :P
24. A job well loved can become just a source of money before you know it
25. I am more like my dad than I ever knew before! ;)

These things I learnt (sometimes, re learnt) in my 25th year. Valuable lessons indeed.

And there it is...the lot of it ...maybe not much of it, or too much of it.

26th ...I wonder what it will bring.

Yours, 

Still,

Imaginative Realist

2013 ~ Mixed feelings

That image probably best depicts my year 2013.
I love ice cream... I love writing... it was a fancy ice cream parlour... I was alone...I enjoyed being alone... I was supposed to be there with someone else... I was there for closure.

Mixed feelings
Loaded emotionally... were all under statements of the year!

It was rich.. it was fun
It was thought provoking
It was emotionally exhausting
I earned a lot, saved a lot, but spent a lot more
It was worth every penny
Everything I wanted I got ~ Every wish, dream and whim was granted
To help me figure out what I actually needed
To slowly look for maybe

I made amazing friends
Great memories
Greater experiences
But got to know myself best
I learnt a lot

I loved with a reckless abandon, unlike myself
Pulled back too soon
I laughed and cried passionately
Didn't know I could

I travelled,
I explored
I even wrote

I coloured my hair red!

I did so much...
So many people
Friends, family, mentor, colleagues, strangers and fellow travellers
At the end of it all, 2013 was  a journey where I found myself
Saw what Im capable of
Incapable of
Scared of
Insecure about
Comfortable with
Relate to

Saw myself.
That was the most deepest part of 2013
Like this image... my reaction to myself is a melting pot of mixed feelings

Now its time to look beyond, though
Knowing whats within :)
So knowing what I should expect

2013 was a year when dreams came true
Little bubbles burst... some beautifully, some tragically

2014, I have a feeling, is a year for hopes :)
And thats how new beginnings happen!

Something to look forward to

My mid year review
It's almost the end of July, and I'm about to post my mid year review that is technically a month late. As resolutions, I had three things which I strongly and quite vehemently wished for in the beginning of this year.
Maybe it was the fact that I treated them as wished, rather than resolutions or goals that I should work towards, that brought me to where I am now.

As a quick recap, the three things I wanted were ;
Get a job
Get a boy friend and
Get published

I now think I should have been a bit more specific. I got a job. It all but fell onto my lap. It was luck, all that I wanted with elements of a lot of things I hate - like long travel time, and not much freedom in the job. But it's a profile I love, and a culture I'm interested in, so working quite well. My job, me and our love hate relationship are chugging along for the moment.

Get published.... I'm going to be. A short story of mine, not my novel yet. I won a competition, hence I get to be published. This also pretty much just happened to me rather than me working on making it happen.
I am aware that I will have to work on my book, if I ever want to make that happen. But, the resolution thing kinda worked out, so.

Get a boy friend.... Well that came and went. I guess I should have mentioned that I wanted a boyfriend I could keep. The one I got, I lost.
Yet, not too many regrets. A friend of mine was saying that I almost didn't have to lift a finger in finding him. It worked the same way with the losing him as well though. Still, the fact remains that it was one more thing crossed off my list.

It's strange right?
Everything had happened, but so very very different from what I had planned. Next time I plan, I'm gonna make sure that the whole plan will be layer out for the universe to know.
Obviously, either God or the universe want me to have whatever I want. If they're just giving me what I want, to make me realize that it's not what I needed, then I'm actually fine with it. At least they believe that I have it in me to go through the situations before figuring out whether I needed it or not.
Or, if they decided to be that awesome (or in some cases, plain scary) and give me all that I want, being specific is going to be a bigger deciding aspect of my judgemental capabilities.

In case you're wondering if I'm actually complaining that I got everything that I have wanted (at least a warped version of it) ; I'm not.
I'm happy it happened.
I'm seriously feeling pretty damn spectacular about it. Keep em coming I say!
As for me, and I think I'm going to consider working for what I want for a while. Or, I might just forget how that feels like :-P

5 months to go..... So much more to undo and redo! ;)

Cheers *.*

On a cusp

It's almost the midnight of 20th December 2012. We're two minutes away from 21.12.12, the day the world was prophesied to end.
I know it's not going to, my brain knows that it is a ridiculous idea. But my heart? It believes. Rather, it wants to believe. There is something so poetic about things like the world coming to an end, that makes me wonder what if. Will I regret anything? I'll regret regretting, so I shan't. It's funny...I'm typing super fast, so that I can hit on the 'Publish' button, just in case something starts to happen. Hehe. Its strangely a fun feeling.
Of course I'd rather it happen after 8 hours. Considering that the 2 people I care for most in this world aren't home right now, and are expected back only in the morning!
I've already packed for my trip tomorrow, but I haven't started studying for my exam a week from now. *Keke*
I guess tomorrow same time, when news reports of nothing majorly catastrophic turns up, and I'm sitting curled up in the bus, the biggest thought on my head would be "Damn, I have an exam coming up!" ;)
Nonetheless, if. IF.
If the world does end today (It's here! 21.12.12) I think I am happy about the life I've lead, and am glad I'll get to join my mum again :)
I didn't think I would have such a simplistic approach to death. And more of a curious interest in the end of the world. Nonetheless, I'm glad I now kind of know that I either lived big enough to be satisfied with it, or small enough to be content with it. A world of difference between the two, but I'm too eccentric to tell the difference for myself.
If we live to see another sunrise, I hope y'all had a time to rethink life a bit and get ready to start living again!
I for one, have...will have... an exam to ace, a book to publish, a relationship to explore, a temper to deal with all over again and a job to find! Phew!

Reminiscence

Its that time of the year again, when I'm forced to look back. On the year, on my life so far. My dad said make awesome memories for Christmas this year; this might be the last Christmas you spend as a single girl in this family. He said that last year, and I think he'll say it again next year :)

Two things bothering me, interestingly, both have korean effect on them. One is to do with age. Every January first, Koreans declare the age they will be that year as their age. So in 16 days, I would be considered as a 25 year old, if I were a Korean. Even otherwise, I have about 5.5 months left to get there. Have you seen the movie 'Never been kissed'? She was 25.
I've never been kissed. One guy gave me a peck on my head, and I punched him. That was four years ago. I don't regret not having been involved with anyone this year. That was a conscious choice. Nevertheless, I do regret not having been in more concrete relationships. I think I not only missed out on an essential growth phase/ developmental milestone, but it'll also affect any future relationship(s).
And hitting 25 without being kissed is rather pitiful. Still, I think I should be discussing this before my birthday, and not now. So case adjourned.

Second one is School life,... college life. Everyone says that the golden years of their lives was their school life and college years. I don't agree. Those were the years we wanted to grow out of the fastest.
Apart from the fact that my mother was around then, I didn't really like school or college life. My school life was, in one word - a mess. I never fit in. And I till date do not like the person I am around my school friends.
My undergrad days could have been better. They probably were... I had a much better hold of myself, and I grew as a person there. But it was a blur. It was textured with painful confused, mostly blocked away memories. To the extent that I don't even remember how I became friends with some of my current best friends. Yet, god bless their souls, they're around!
If I were to write another book, I'd like to write one based on school life though. A bunch of kids, co-ed, simple life problems...and the ultimate aim is to find their dreams for their lives. Small crushes, first love...relationships, and problems then that seem like the world's biggest. But gotten through with one solid set of friends.

If I were to define my golden years, its now. Its 2012, 2011, 2010... the freedom, the family, the friends. I loved these two years. I learnt so much about myself and the people around me in these years. Especially 2012.

2012
My biggest and most important moments/ realizations

I think for the first time, my sister and I connected, in a basic level. It was brief, we went too deep too fast. But now I know we can connect and we're not just sisters because we share blood.
She told me all about her life. And even when I was brutally cruel and judged her, when I had said I wouldn't, she forgave me. For that, I know she has the biggest heart ever. And that night, I will always regret my reactions. But that night, I knew I had a sister who was a passionate believer in God, and someone who knows what it is to get through the roughest storms life throws at you. I now know more about the sister, I once just knew as the girl who didn't cry out loud.

I realized that it wasn't just my mom who always supported my dreams, but my dad as well. He let me quit my job, he watched as I sat doing nothing for months, saying I'm trying to find my purpose in life, he didn't laugh when I said I wanted to write. He didn't make me feel embarrassed about writing a romance story. He read the whole thing, edited it, gave feedback, and is helping me publish it. How awesomely brilliant is that?!
My dad is impatient, he takes four steps instead of one. He jumps the gun... and I found that I get all that from him.

I found out that I am actually a very reliable person in times of emergencies. I have a cool head, and possibly a cold heart in those times. We faced the big cardio scare for my dad, and we got through it well and safe. Touch wood!
That week, I found out a whole lot of things.
-My family is the best support system anyone could ever ask for, hope for or wish for.
-Though I hate hospitals, I feel really safe in them. (Its not ironic, think about it :) )
-I don't cry when I have to be strong for others
-I have a ready made step back and be clinically organized me inside of me, who is very efficient
-I have a lot of good friends
-My fear of needles, pain and hospitals in general is definitely genetic. I am my father and mother's daughter.
-I still do turn to God and my mother when things get rough

There were a few firsts this year

I went on an arranged date for the first time this year. Dad was about 20 feet away. The experience? I'll probably never forget it, so not writing about it. But I was officially a nervous wreck for the three days that preceded this Diwali - when I met him. And found out that my nerves were actually quite reliable during the actual meet. So yaayy.

I stepped out of the country for the first time this year. Thailand was fun. The most fun day(s) were those 1.5 days I spent roaming around alone, exploring the city! The next time I leave this country, I hope its with just one good travel companion who is ready to try out everything. But the shopping was awesome fun!

I finished not one, but 2 books! One, my friend's story - as a gift for her wedding. Another, which is currently in the publisher hunting phase and actually one more collection of short stories which I gave a friend for her birthday.

One of my best friends got married, and I was with her throughout. It was an amazing but emotionally exhausting experience :)

Those were the firsts...
Some other important things of 2012

*My edu loan was paid off - yaayy!!
*Three new nieces! Flower girls :D (All born in the beginning of this year. I'm yet to see one of them, hope to before the end of this year!)
*Our home went through a lot of revamping this year. A LOT!
*I still haven't started driving properly ( :/)
*I found that we dont need a purpose in life, we need a reason instead. (This is probably a big one. But since the realization came in such a simple way, I'm putting it here, with ample happiness in my heart.)
*I made new friends, kept the old ones that mattered, made big mental decisions, and had to let go of one very important friend. (This is a big one, but I don't know where it fits, and neither do I want to write anymore about it)
*My book was more of a closure in many aspects
*I still don't think I am or will be comfortable with touch gadgets. I still have phones and netbooks and haven't shifted to touch phones and ipads. Buttons are good!
*I think I watched the maximum number of korean dramas this year, and have probably become and official addict *gasp*
*A good friend got married, one of the most extravagant gorgeous weddings I've witnessed!
*A really good friend go married, I couldn't make it
*Another friend got married, and I couldn't make it to that either.
*My cousin, younger than me by 2 yrs, is going to get married, and I will be attending! First relative, younger than me who is going to get married - mixed feelings, I'll tell you how it feels when I find out
*Many many many trips - Kolkatta (yum and cheap food!), Cunoor (Again, Lamb's rock is really the best! I want to get married there!!!), Coimbatore (All the cousins and nephews and nieces), Bangalore (More cousins and nephews and nieces!), Mahabalipurum (Drive with a girl is a whole different experience!), Velankanni (Family bonding, and wooww early morning drives)
*I didn't get along very well with my grandmother this year. Not proud of it.
*I actually went to a doctor for my skin!!! Me! And even more surprisingly, I was able to give up sweets and chocolates for almost two months straight! The battle is still on, it is surprisingly easy to not include artificial sugar once you get used to it.
*I briefly tried teaching at college, but I remember the horrendous travel aspect more - and I was asked to quit.
*There was one earthquake I felt this year. Taylor Swift's Safe and Sound is really an apt song for calming people at natural calamities.

2012 was amazing. A lot happened, but more than what is here, more happened in my head. 2012, I know I grew up and matured in just my way of thinking. Maybe not by leaps and bounds, but at least a little :)
There were a lot of things which were so much richer because of how they felt... good and bad. Arguments, hospitals, best friends weddings, closures, meeting someone new, meeting someone old.... it was a damn interesting year!
And it's not even over yet! I have exams, weddings, family vacation and Christmas before it closes.
Wow right? :D

This was fun :)