I had gone to conference on Gender Equality a couple of weeks back. It was organized eWIT (Empowering Women in IT).

The conference had many amazing sessions, about the various facets of women in the work place – Health, being empowered, finding their niche, The identity of Women away from their men, and so on. Among these was a panel discussion with many questions ranging from “How did you find your place in your organization?” to “What’s the toughest thing you’ve had to do as a woman?” and “How do I survive in the male dominated world”.

This is when it happened – one of the women panelists (there were two men in the panel as well) chose to answer “My male counter parts are not letting my reach my full potential by coddling me and patronizing me. How do I deal with this?”

Her answer was standard – “Make sure that the quality of work that you deliver is the best and in no way less than that of your male counter parts. Once you’ve established, if it still continues, call your manager and talk to him. Address the issue. Tell him this is how you feel. No emotions. No tears. Just focus on the issue.”

Good advice? The girl who asked the question seemed to think so.

But I have my doubts.

Women and Men may or may not have equal capabilities to perform a task in the professional set up, but they are by no means equal. Women are emotional creatures. That is neither an advantage, nor a disadvantage – it is just a characteristic. Men are territorial, and that’s how they are. Yes, men have emotions too, and women also feel the need to protect what’s theirs. I’m talking about dominant traits. That’s where it’s an irrefutable fact that women are emotional creatures.

So should women be more like men, to be treated as “equals” in the work place? Wouldn’t that mean that women are confirming to a standard that men have set for professional behavior, and women are merely adapting? How is twisting and bending into their idea of ‘ideal’ behavior result in ‘equality in the workplace’?

A Gender Equal workplace would be a place where men can be men, and women can be women – both contributing their strengths to the tasks at hand, in the way they are best at. (Don’t you dare have the thought that women can be women best at the kitchen, I’m sure the men will have to start going hungry in that case)

Women should be able to be emotionally free and work. Men should be able to cook in whatever way they find peaceful! That would be tending toward gender equality. Asking a woman to be someone she isn’t – is not anything close to Gender Equality. If that’s the advice we’re going to be giving, we have a long way to go yet.

Crossroads

Have you ever done something that you never thought you would? Like using your entire life savings and taking out a huge loan and getting an impractical sports car?

Say you go on some crazy lobotomy inspired whim, and go ahead and do just that. It’s done. That moment gave you an amazing thrill. There is a sports car in your garage! Just the thought of that gets you excited, and you want to go and take it on a drive immediately.

BUT. Of course there’s that big but! D’uh. Anyway, so it’s running on the back of your head – “Should I just return it and get that semblance of sanity back in my life?”

But (Of course, there it is again!) … “But… I haven’t done something this exciting in a long time. Infact, I’ve never done it! And I really love driving this car! So can I please please pweeasseee keep it? I could give it back later! I can manage now..... Till something goes wrong. Like the car stops working, or I can’t pay my loan… or I really need that money, to be used in an essential project.”

“But…. If I had that money, I could be ready in case the essential project came up earlier”

What should one do?

Is there a right answer?

Coin in the pocket

We play carom at office, during lunch break, quite a lot. I am not the best player among the lot. Far from. Skimming the bottom three more like. But I do pocket some seemingly impossible coins (mostly out of sheer luck!) many a time, and being the only girl there, I’m quite indulged and allowed to play as an equal ;)

I’ve been having a particularly bad week in terms of performance. Yesterday was the worst of it all. I was struggling to pocket even a single coin. So it happens, that by random draw, I got assigned a partner. In that game, he pocketed 4 coins out of 9 in his first turn. 4 more quicly followed, plus the red. And I hadn’t pocketed a single coin. There was a point when the opponent team had 5 coins on the board, while we had just one. I had many opportunities to finish the game with simple direct shots… but it just wasn’t my day, and I couldn’t. The best became the worst, as we lost pathetically in the end – despite such a glorious (thanks to my partner) start.

My partner, whom I have played with before – days when I have even been better than him, gave me a hi-five after the game. I guessed he didn’t want me to feel too badly or was seething inside, for what could have been his perfect victory. I did feel sorry for him…but there was nothing I could do, so I laughed it away.

So we left the board to the winners and the next team. A little later, he called me on the intercom, and goes “Today was awesome! Let’s play together more often!” I was stumped. Wondered if he was being completely sarcastic, though he didn’t sound it. 

So I ask him how come, and he goes – “I’ve never played this well before! I've played so well for the first time with you”

Relationships are like that aren't they?

Its many a time not about if it’s a successful partnership, or a complete failure. It’s about one person makes the other feel. One might be doing his best, and the other nothing at all, but if she makes him good about his best… or for some reason he believes she brings out the best in him, the partnership is a success. And there is hope for them to stick it out. Hope meaning, they can continue to believe that it will all work out at some point. And they win. Even if they don’t. They probably still win where it counts.

But as some people say, it’s apparently the journey that counts ;)

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How long will this last, since the balance is so off? I wonder. Just some random postscript wondering.

10 day challenge : Day 1

Idea borrowed from Gitanjali Naidu, who blogs here : http://gitanjalinaidu.wordpress.com/ ;) Good thing too, as Ive been neglecting my poor blog for a bit and just reappeared a while back. I think this is gonna be fun, feel free to try it too :D

Ten things I want to tell 10 different people right now...Here goes!

1. Aj ~ How are you doing ?

2. Mmy ~ I'm feeling absolutely clueless this year. It feels like there is nothing to looking forward to. Will it get better?

3. Daddy ~ I'm sure I'll figure things out. Though I am at a rebellious phase, don't worry, the dust might settle soon ;) ( soon is a relative term though)

4. "I am sick of making comparison reports! Just use your brain and let me use mine!!!!"

5. Nman "We were such good friends... whatever happened?"

6. Bummer ~ Where in the world are you? I misseth you!

7. Pri ~ Relax babe, life is a crazy mess for all of us. Not just you.

8. Chingette 1 ~ Will you go away and forget all abt me ??? O.o

9. Chingette 2 ~ I miss those long detailed scientific discussions that we had!

10. Harper Collins ~ When exactly are you planning to publish my story ?!?!??!?!

And to Jef, Git, Chu , Mis, Sug , Nik and Nit (and of course nos.: 2, 3, 6, 7, 8 & 9)~ I may not say it enough, I might show it even lesser, but  I want you to know that I really really really love you ♥

Can you...

Miss someone you've never met?
Feel like you know a person you've never once spoken to?

Just Asking...

Paparazzi

In the past month alone, three of my friends (on FB) asked me to take down pics with them and their exes in it. It wasn't even necessarily pics where they were standing together, just any with both of them in the same photo. Most of these requests are from guys. I guess they weren't introduced to the phrase 'You play you pay'.  

Do they think they're being prudent? I think they're being ridiculous. 

I decided to take down almost all the pictures, and just leave those photos of random sceneries. I'm sure they won't object.

In this day and age of social networking, socializing itself has taken a crazy turn. We know so much more than we want to know about our friends, and so much less than we need to know.

Private affairs are splashed all over public forums. A couple were going through what they claimed to be a silent divorce - with the dirt posted, for everyone to see. Step by step.

Another 'friend', lets call her A, recently got engaged. Her best friend, who also happens to be my best friend from a different circle, (who doesn't log into FB much) didn't know about it. But all of A's thousand odd friends knew that she was engaged to this guy she just met, but she was still in love with and missed her ex-boy friend. How horrible is that to her fiance? On what is their marriage starting!

I myself am not that far behind. I may not use social networking forums, but I use my blog instead. Relying on the fact that it is anonymous. How long will it be? I guess, I will soon go on a cleaning spree of my blog as well.

Why has it become so difficult to find good friends like the ones who had back at school and college these days? Work friends just don't cut it. And everyone's left lonely instead, and end up relying on the internet to be heard and understood. A status being liked has become a reassurance of 'you're not alone'. How long will that reassurance last?

This world has become a complete stranger to me. One day, I might be able to go with it's new found ways, but not today.

Today, I'll finish with my last word:

Why?

And maybe 3 more:

Why why WHY ???

Love and Suffering

I watched a Hindi movie today, after a long time.
Happy ending and all that, but i realized why I started avoiding Indian movies.
I reduced English rom-coms too.

This movie, like most Indian movies and sitcoms seemed to emphasize on the pain that love brings, and relief from that pain as the climax. This concept somehow deeply irritates me. Why does one always have to go through pain, and internal and major external conflict, if they were in love in India? I'm guessing it might be the culture...
Love marriages - yes, they are a whole different category, are a surprising minority in Indian marriages. growing in number, yes. But by breaking through shackles, one by one.
If we were to compare this to politics, then only the 6 major cities have gotten freedom - but the power to govern has still not been given.
Marriages here are determined predominantly by caste, religion, superstitions (and oh, there are truck loads of them - speaking against which would apparently offend God in all sorts of ways), the families' societal status, educational background, gold ... and somewhere towards the very end of the list of gazillion prerequisites for a marriage, in real fine print "liking each other" shows up.

Indian women got their freedom before the American women - did you know? But I think they forgot to send out the flyer, because most people don't seem to know. But that's a whole different story. The point of it that concerns us here is - they're controlled by the family. Or by it (Read "it" - family, community, neighbours, religious division....)'s beliefs.

Finding their life partner themselves isn't an option for most, and for the rest (save 1%) it is a washed out second option, which completely fades out around the time a girl approaches 26, and the guy approaches 30 -32. After which, they're either forced into some loveless knot or for the strong ones who endure it - they face a life time (or till wedding) of random jobless people asking them when and why not, and accusing you of being too picky, or heavy headed or some other negative adjective.

The cinema aspect of this - which is probably also the realistic aspect - of secretly meeting, breaking up because the kundli didn't match, breaking up because they had different faiths - and families would never gel, breaking up because parents found out and get them married to someone else .. wait, all the breaking up happens in real life, but in cinemas, to keep the ratings high - we give them a happy ending at the very end.

The spend all that time fighting obstacles, when do they ever get to know each other?! But wait, India is the land of arranged marriages, where many meet on the day of the wedding (I am not stretching it, trust me) - so they can adjust and make anything work. But what about love?
Love without pain, love that purely makes you happy?
Is it non existent only in Indian Cinema?
Does it exist in real life? I'm not sure about in India... not as far as I have seen it.
Am I being an unrealistic romantic? critic?
Just inexperienced? ;)

That Random Moment From My Day Dream

Have you watched a movie and wished it happened to you?
Have you randomly day dreamt that this perfect guy comes along, with a cheesy one liner, and you give the wittiest reply, and hit it off completely?

I have. Tons and tons of times! It's sometimes when I'm reading at a mall, or sometimes, when I'm walking nonchalantly in the park.
Today it happened to me.
I was walking along, looking for a store to buy something. Head phones plugged in, and my hair roughly pulled in a knotted bundle, so all the straight strands fell like a fountain from it. I was navigating my way along the side walk, when this guy sitting on a bike grinned at me.
He was sitting pillion, behind this other guy was wearing almost complete formals (grey shirt and black pants). This guy was dressed, and looked more or less like a DJ. Black tee with white stripes... longish face with a French beard, an iPhone with the head phones wound around it.
Since there was a bit of traffic, I was soon ahead of them, and quickened my pace to keep it that way. I had to take a turn, and get on the road to pass some barricades, when they their bike stopped bang in front of me.
"What's your name?" He asked.
Since my mommy taught me never to speak to strangers, I answered  with a "Why?", while trying to see if I can just walk past. I took a step forward, which landed me right next to him.
"I like your attitude, so I wanna know:"
What you can make out from a girl  walking, I know not. I wasn't even wearing a tee shirt that screamed 'I'm a bit crazy, but that's why I RULE!' - no, that was yesterday! I'm pretty sure he was fishing for my number, with the number of times he looked at my phone, which I had temporarily taken out of my pocket, to pause the music.
I looked confused, the expected expression: offended and slightly in a hurry as I replied with a
"Thank you... I guess" and walked away quickly.

They passed me in a second, and the guy was still smiling at me like a friend he knew, and waved, as they drove away.

This is definitely not how it ends in my dreams!
But it got me thinking of all the times I've averted my gaze if I found someone looking.
I am not sure if I believe in fate, or in the soul mate concept - but what if, just what IF that were true, and I had just walked past without introducing myself, because of my - ironically - attitude?
Attitude ...or belief that I can't just randomly pick up a conversation with a stranger I meet on the road! Why is finding that someone so difficult? I wish we were born into this world as memory cards. Pairs predetermined, you take one look and you know that's the one you're with. Sigh.
Next time someone stops me, would I tell him me name?
I wonder....Hmmm.... Would you?

Perfectly Right?

The difference between right and perfect may not be much most of the time. But there is a difference, a big one.

Right is like having dinner. You have to do it everyday. You may not always like what you get, but it’s the right thing to be doing. Eating dinner. Because you need it.

Perfect is like sitting on the porch swing, and watching the sky turn from light blue, to blazing orange to violet to a deep dark inky black. Perfect may not always be the right thing. You might miss your dinner.  Your body might be hungry. Perfect is when your soul is fed, because you spirit needs it.

When you have to pick between right and perfect, which would you pick?

One is reliable, and the other …well the other one is perfect!

Jealous much?

It's midnight...
My writing now has more to do with my brain not working, and very little to do with the stray thoughts that are passing in it anyway.
I caught up with a friend after quite a while today.
She's.... living life. Travelling... decent job... super professional life... happening personal life... constantly changing emotions.
She really is living.
And I?
I'm watching.
I was jealous for all of 3 seconds after 15 minutes of uncontrollable laughter at myself after reviewing both our lives. We both went to all girls schools, same college, same coaching institute, co ed post grad colleges, and we're both working for almost 2 years now.
Theoretically, it looks like almost the same experiences right?
Practically... I went, did all that and got back home. She went, did all that, made truck loads of friends, and more memories.
It's crazy I tell you.
Watching her, I know I could have had a much more happening life.
Neither of us could answer "why" I don't.
But then... my life, with all the dramas - virtual, books (Yes Eragon, I know you're giving me meaningful dead pan sarcastic looks, I will get around to finishing you and all of the others...someday!), the dresses I design, the stuff I stitch ... is that all I do ?!?!??! Oh yeah, and work and study!
Sheesh... why am I sounding more like a 2D story book character?

Last year, around the same time ...I was job hunting, getting over a major ego bruise, restless, still caught up in past tangles... and lonely.
All I wished for then was to be content. Not ecstatic.. just content.

Now I am.
But then again, I'm not lonely one bit ! I'm single and content.

Cleaning up my friends list. Got clear idea of what I want and don't want in my career.
And there's this strong ... pyramid builder attitude.
God knows where all that patience came from... but there seems to be some sort of calming force within.
I'm making each block, cleaning the surface and polishing it, setting it just right before moving to the next one. And checking the state of each block as I place the others.
The base is not yet complete. Everyone knows, once the solid base is in place, the rest will automatically set itself.
The cleaning is making me all calm and composed.
Am I scared of myself?
Sometimes I wonder...will I become someone I don't know?
:) I don't think so... just that one part of me is getting slightly bored. But she knows why we're doing this now. So the occasional 3 seconds of jealousy .. when I see committed friends, or people at work giving it their all even when they have no idea what the bigger picture is... doth flash by. That's good though...ensures I don't get too complacent and get stuck at one block.

Too tired to sleep
Too sleepy to type

Current song running in my head: A thousand years  by Christina Perri.
         "How to be brave, when I'm afraid?
              ....One step closer..."




I should be more careful of what I wish for though ;)

Gummy Bears

I like gummy bears. Do you like gummy bears?
Little, colorful, sweet, chewy, bear shaped things, that you can just mindlessly chew on for ages.
I don't like them in ice creams though... (irrelevant point)

All said, why are they shaped like bears? Why isn't it gummy rabbit or gummy lion?!
Why all the hype for bears anyway?! It's really weird.



We have teddy bears, bear hugs, stories about sweet bears and Goldilicks... Winnie the pooh is a bear, there was this British bear..er....Paddington Bear. Dr. Doolittle's Archie... in movies.
I'm pretty sure there are a hundred more that I missed.

Why are bears portrayed as such sweet things?
I have nothing against bears, really.
But I am curious!

Did anyone receive a nice squishy hug from a bear (and come out of it alive, to tell the tale!)?
Or did humans have bears as pets before they switched to the smaller and more compact dogs and cats? (They did have more space in the world, before all the population explosion and all! That's a thought to ponder!)
But nothing in classics, or mythologies really point towards humans actively taming and domesticating bears. (I don't think Enid Blyton's books count here).

How did bears became so popular for the children? Why are they portrayed as such adorably friendly creatures, when they aren't really.
Well if anyone ever find outs, do enlighten me on that!

In the meantime, want a gummy bear?