It has been six months since Chennai last saw rain. Six months since the greatest flood the state had witnessed in a hundred years!

Six months since the water started drying, the land became dry, and the ground water scarcity started cropping up again

Two months since the use of geysers dwindled to a slow stop. Since the summer collections became famous in retail outlets. Since watermelons started being stacked up on roadsides.

One month since the temperatures soared so high that we wondered if we would all roast right here. One month since deliberations began about the actual position of Chennai / Tamil Nadu being closer to the Sun than Mercury is. One month since the Mango season begun.

Yes, almost every Chennai-ite prayed for a relief from being constantly scorched every day. A relief from all the incessant sweating. A relief from the heat. All that heat. So much heat! Heat from the sky...heat in the air… heat from the darned earth!

Three days since the rain begun. It hasn’t stopped since.

Everyone’s happy?

No.

Not even fifty percent!

This is just a baby rain. But once bitten.

We used to be strong folk. We loved the rain. We’ve had an uncountable number of songs that celebrated rain. Innumerable heroines who expressed freedom by dancing in the rain. Movies dedicated to rain! 

We used to be.

Now, stepping into the second day of a drizzle – people are scared. They’re scattering like they’re being hunted. There is too much well-meant advice given along “Leave quickly!” “The roads are going to be jammed” “There will be water logging everywhere”.

A friend of mine cried yesterday – said she can’t go through another flood. That she didn’t sleep all of the previous night, as she kept getting up to check under the bed to see if water had come in. again. The fear is all too real. Too close to the skin. Too close to our hearts. Too fresh in our memories. I get it. I understand.

There are too many posts giving updates on waterlogged streets. Too many people listening to the weatherman. He has gained importance now. He once used to be irrelevant.

We once used to describe our land as having just 3 seasons – Hot, Hotter, and Hottest.

Now we scram and hide at the face of a baby rain.

It’ll take a while since the fear is contained. I heard on a TV show yesterday that the part of the brain that controls fear reacts much faster than the part of the brain that controls reason. Sometimes, the reaction to fear is so strong that there is no option to reason with it.

So my dearies, worry not.

It's just a baby rain.

This will not hurt you.

We know these summer showers.

We’ve witnessed a lifetime of these and loved them for all they have been to us.

Yes, we had a terrible flood last year, but this is not that.

This is just a baby rain, one that’s come as the relief we needed...wanted. This will come and go soon enough. Even if it becomes harder, this one will not harm you.

This is the same rain we used to love.

Hush now… it’s just a baby rain J

As her hands let go

If I had been a painter,
I would have drawn her clear
Up on a narrow cliff
with just enough space for,
As she stood with her back stiff

I would have painted her with a long dress
The colour of midnight
Flying despite the rain
because of the harsh, ruthless wind
Her hair, not too long
Yet undone
Being swayed by the rough gusts

Her hand outstretched
Her eyes almost blank
Mostly undone

The rain would be falling
Long and hard
And her hand tightening
As something fell from it
Something she once held
Tightening not to hold it back
But to let it go faster
Like sand that's contained in hands

She'd tried
God knew she had
Desperately, relentlessly tried to actually hold on to it
To protect it
Had
Not anymore
She had nothing more to give
It had all eroded like the rocks
From the cliff she stood on

Now she wanted no more of it
Not when it left her so empty
That even tears didn't fall
As she let it go

The sadness she felt
Oh, that she did
Was completely passive
Like the sadness from the person who once was
Was it forced?
Probably not
But it was as much for what could have been
As it was for what had been

But it was time to let go
And let go she did
By holding it tighter
Knowing it'll find it's way out faster

The rain thrashed on her
The drops were cold
So was the gale that thrashed at her face
If it hurt her, it didn't show
Maybe because she had nothing left to give
Nothing left to feel even for her own pains

Nothing but the pull of gravity
So strong, she didn't try to fight it
Just knew it was heavy
Everything that was left with was too heavy
Everything except that which was already leaving

I would have painted her so
Standing there alone
More alone than lonely
Looking like the last person alive
Who vaguely remembered days better
But was battered by the storm after
Battered by the fight she'd put up
And eventually lost
By winning
Or won, by losing
She couldn't tell which now
It didn't matter
She'd once hoped
Foolishly believed even,
that it might have.

I would have painted her there
And had people wonder
How did she end up there
Does she have a place to go after?
How will she get away from there!

But I ain't no painter
I've only got words
So I write her as I see her
In my head
And hope one day
Someday
She finds her way out
and then, I'll be back
Writing about that too.

For now,
she stands
Eyes looking at something far away
Hands almost empty
The sand or star dust
Whatever that was
Worthless or invaluable
Almost all gone now
And she was left there
Standing
With just the ruthless cold rain
Still slashing down on her

One more last look

There he stood. Just outside the door.
She knew it was him, even from the other end, as she descended the stairs towards the department downstairs. She could identify his tall frame in a crowd.
She didn't have to, but she decided she would go pass on the message to him personally. An email would have sufficed. An email she had already sent.
She liked him. She occasionally crushed on him. It was perfectly clear that he will never be more than what he is right now. But what he was, was more than enough.
Especially when there he stood,  already turned around, already smiling right at her like he'd sensed her coming.
She returned the smile so frankly given with a beam of her own.
"Where are you going?" she asked him.
He was standing on the ground, the 2 steps below where she stood ~ and he was perfectly at her eye level now.
His eyes looked a little worried. The usual sparkle wasn't as bright then.
"I'm planning to run away. Wanna come with?" He winked.
"Maybe" she grinned. "What about my customer interview?" She asked... knowing well that she was stalling the moment.
"I'll fix the appointment. Definitely this week. Now I got to go okay"
"Bubye" she turned as well, as he jogged out with a distracted nod directed at her.
Ah well, she decided as she walked back in. The bounce in the step gone now.
Her mobile phone rang... it was him. She turned around to check if he was running back, having forgotten something. There was no sign of him.
"What happed?" She enquired, still searching for signs of him
"You looked good today"
"Huh?!"
"You looked good ... cute ... wanted to tell you that. That's all"
She could sense the smile in his voice. The spring in her step was back ... so was the smile on her face, as she let out a little laugh.
"Thank you, you"
And she turned around for one more last look, knowing full well that he wont be there... but happy anyway.

Like none ever before

It was a night like no other

The soft low howl of the echoing through the streets and roads

Yet, it was strong enough to sway her bike

That she had to struggle to keep it steady

As she tried to ride as fast as safety allowed her to.

There was something different in the air

A sense of lonely despair

She was sure it didn’t come from within her

Just an unsettling quiet

On that silent night

It was a night like no other

Fallen leaves, things of poetry

Swirled on the roads like things of nightmares

Small tornadoes, uncharacteristic of that place

Slashing into her, as she tried to focus

And then out of the blue

Out of the inky blue of the late night

It started to rain

Heavy droplets,

That fell like pin pricks

It was a night like no other

People seemed to be in a blind rush

The roads seemed emptier

Yet, there was enough traffic to keep restrict the pace

Within that unspoken serene death race

The wind made sense now

She realized, as the rain drops fell stronger

She took a shortcut

In the hope of getting back faster

Getting home faster

She made another sharp turn

And that’s when it happened

Two vehicles swerved and screeched

Not quite coming to a halt

Barely but successfully avoiding each other

Then, she looked at him

Into his calm and serene eyes

With her panicked and suddenly scared ones

His calmness seemed unnatural

Yet, he smiled just that naturally and rode away

She hadn’t stopped her bike

Though her heart had stopped a bit

For fear. Not because of anything else

Yet his unexpected calm eyes had distracted her enough

Calming her down faster

And then wonder

Why and how they had been so

The rain had given way

Between that turn, her thoughts and now

The sky was a little clearer

And the moon shone

It struck her that she hadn’t seen the moon in a long time

She smiled as she finally closed the door behind her

It was a night like no other

Like none she had ever seen before

That serenity and calmness in there

Wasn’t in it before

-

Mentally written on 2 August, 2014

It really was a night like no other

Best Laid Plans

I have a swing in my veranda... a one seater, hanging by an iron link chain kinda swing... I bought it like 2 years ago. And it's been more than a year since I actually used it.
I work in a smaller town 25 kms from where I live. I'm away from home a good 13 hrs a day - and that's just the time between leaving home and returning, not taking into consideration the getting ready time and the like.
Today, I got home early after a meeting. 2 hours early! The climate was perfect... it was just about to rain. The thunder rumbled in the sky, lightning streaked. I had a book I had begun just this morning. So it seemed like the perfect combination... I had enough time to take a quick shower by the time the rain got really going, and I would be there for the jam session.
I even had the first few lines of that post written in my head, as I gleefully got set for my rainy day swing reading session. Even my sister wasn't expected home for the next hour. I got out, and quickly dug out the book from my bag and I all my leap over to the swing.
Obviously, from the build up to the finale, you guessed that my amazing plan didn't go through.
I go out, to see my grandma quietly swinging and watching the rain. Of course I didn't have the heart to ask her if I could use the swing for a while. She just looked so peaceful.
So I went back in, and watched some more Grey's Anatomy.


Over the last 6 months, I've made so many plans and I've seen them all tumble and fail terribly and miserably. Big plans & small plans. The saddest thing I saw, physically felt, fall was my passion for this job. When I joined, I felt like it was the dream job. It was exactly what I had wanted. Too perfectly... in a Korean company. So it just could not have gotten better. I loved it for all of one year. I learnt so much from one boss. He left. I learnt a lot, despite the next boss. And then it slowly rolled to a stop.

Till one day in February, I actually felt the emptiness in it all. The complacence ..and the giving up.
Business was down, politics was raging like wild fire and I felt like collateral damage. I didn't have much work to do. I could meet my monthly targets in 4 days work. I'd known that industrial set ups don't have much work many times for the HR department, but this was a crazy low. But I stuck on...The pay was good. And I decided if they want to pay me for nothing, I will let them.
Feeling worthless... especially when ALL of one's time is invested in that thing can only go on for so long.

I'm now at a cross road... it's time to decide how to get to my next destination...since I already know what that is.

I can see that talking about a wonderful but tiny plan failing...and then about the bigger plans in life. It;s just that over this year I have learned to accept and even expect the pitfalls in the best laid plans. Especially the best laid plans.
So I have to keep my back up plans ready and roaring! :)

As always,
Someday's Dreamer

Early morning first thoughts

It's a beautiful morning... It rained most of last night, and the earth is pleasantly coated with dew and mist.
And my head is gently layered with confusions and questions. Why so early in the morning?
To that I know the answer. I started writing it out yesterday. The story as it were, so I can get over it as soon as possible... Apparently I don't have much time till I get my full act together. 15 days to be precise.
This morning I'm saddened more by everything that went wrong, rather than by what it all could have been. This is sadder because now I have to accept that it's over, or would have been anyhow.

Technically.... As a story writer, one couldn't have set the scenario much better than what it is right now. God's one smart cookie, He is.

Imagine this; I wanted a boyfriend, and he practically threw one at me. I didn't have to lift a finger. He was sweet, and the nicest and most patient guy a girl could ask for.
He loved me, I knew it and felt it. I loved him too... But I wasn't in love with him.
We were far from right for each other. Our priorities and outlooks on how we dealt with life were poles apart. We tried so hard to make each other understand, and a little to understand the other person.
But, the interracial differences and the language issues made it so much more difficult. Yet the reason we broke up had nothing to do with our differences, and was something entirely.... Almost entirely out of my control. Yes, out of my control, because I do blame him for not having any control in that situation.
It happened too fast, even before I knew for certain if we could have ever ironed out our differences.
We broke up, and that's were the brilliant scene setting begins.
I was supposed to go someplace abroad officially. I run off to a friends place for the weekend so I can take some time out to lick my wounds. I get back to find that he has gone to that same place abroad for a month, and that someone else is going in my stead. Ergo, him and I don't have to be in the same country, this one or another, for a while. And him not being here means he'll be missing the 2 day exhibition we were to attend together.

Perfection right?

Yup

Now I just have to go through all the million stages of dealing with this, so by the time he's back, I can acknowledge him like a cold stranger. Like he already does to me, over text. I didn't know "we can be friends" can ever sound so cold.

Something about rains and nights make me more emotional than I need to be.

All this rambling, because this morning, it struck me anew that it's never going to happen. Ever.

Pity?

Like many other things, I don't know.

Will I be okay when I see him again?

This one, I so so wish I knew.

Have a good one y'all.

Yours truly,
Today's wonderer

Smile in the rain

She woke up bright and early. It hadn't even dawned yet. Her alarm hadn't rung either. She just woke up because she was well rested. That was definitely .... Not something that had happened in quite a while.
She smiled contentedly.
Walking out to the veranda, she realized it had rained through the night and the rain cloud's were still at it. Softly.
There was a gentle drizzle, that combined with a soft cool breeze that brought to her the glorious whiff of the smell of rain soaked soil. Combined with the amazing colours of the slow brightening of the morning sky, it felt perfect.
Almost perfect.

This was the perfect time to get hugged. The thought almost popped into her head involuntarily. A rueful smile played along her lips. A quick memory of a certain walk on a rainy dusk flashed by, back when she had gotten a tight hug when she wanted it.

She hugged herself close and tight. The memory was tucked away before it can uld bring with it any pain. That would spoil this perfect morning. She smiled.... At herself, and the smile grew bigger as she let herself remember one last time.

Regrets? She asked herself.
Maybe a little bit, but not enough to be worried about.

The rain was after all a symbol of new beginnings.

The smile didn't fade away as she went on to get ready for the day.

Sometimes, the sky tells us that all will be alright again. Sometimes, all it has to do is rain, to make a girl smile.

When the back door opened!

It's been raining for a few days now, and days are lovely.
Every night, for the past few nights, like clockwork - it starts raining at 12:30 AM. It's not helping my nocturnal-ness become normal again one bit! Just about when I wonder if I should maybe hit the sack early, the wind starts howling first. Like a teaser. Even though I don't normally go out at that, I can feel it from the inside. Feel it just by the sound.
Last night it rained again. (After I'd gotten back in from rain watching), as my grandma rushes from her room, and goes out back.
Behind our house, we have a pretty big roofed back yard, where clothes are hung during the rainy season, amongst other things. The whole place is surrounded by a 4 feet wall, above which are metal grills. When its raining hard, if the clothes are not hung on the two sides of the room that are towards the house, and have full walls, they get wet from the rain coming in through the grills. So my grandma was rushing to get them. I followed to help and realized the awesomeness of that place!

So far, every time it rains at night,  I always rush to the front. The front though, has a roof that extends well beyond the front door, so no chance of getting to feel the rain from there.
The back was completely different. It was brilliant! Next time it rains, I'd be rushing there here on :)

Nevertheless, last night I stepped out front as usual (Before my grandma woke up and rushed out!) when it went from drizzling to pouring. I stood there,in what's becoming my usual place, my head stuck to the railing on my door. It was so gorgeous out there, that I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud in happiness a few times too.


The sound of the wind, through the rain - pure magic!
And when that wind find you, carrying with it stray droplets, its like a small slice of heaven being shared with me. I don't think I can ever ever help closing my eyes in those moments and trying to just take it aaalll in. Like I did last night too, greedily!
As I stood there, I saw a vehicle suddenly light up the road.
See, light in rain is a beautiful thing. The lamp post near my house sheds pretty yellow light on the rain below it. The whole thing has an antique delicate feel to it.
Light from vehicles are a different thing. With the change in angle, the focus is more on power of the rain, which is quickly followed by a small demonstration of the power of the human, as he goes slashing through it. So yesterday I watched the head light briefly light up the entire street, accompanied by a hoot. Not thunder, but a human. A girl. There were in front of me too, a girl riding pillion in a bike driven by a guy. (Obviously - right?) When I think about it now, though the whole thing happened in about 3 seconds, the memory is in slow motion for me.
The girl had her arms wrapped around the guy. And when they passed in front of me, like a piece of perfect direction, she unwrapped her arms, spread them wide, palms facing up, hooted while looking upward too, then wiped her face and laughed. The street was lit up by the bike's head light, but she was lit by the street lamp. For one moment, it was pure poetry, and she was a painting.


Some moments can be captured, others are better off left in the memory.

~ Mystical Experience ~

Too much of a good thing may be a bad thing, but too many good things at once is definitely an AWESOME thing!

Today evening, my dad and I went to a wedding reception. After some yum food, we decided to hit the beach, as it was quite close from there. We reached there, and imagine this:

9:00 PM ... Dark sky, lit up by a hundred or so sky lights that lit up the periphery of the city that I was walking away from.
Gentle drizzle with a few stray heavy drops of rain
The heady mix of the smell of the rain and saltiness of the sea in the air
The sea herself, violent and calm at the same time
An empty beach, which the people had boycotted, leaving it all mine and my dad's
Ice Cream Pot Kulfi in both our hands,
And a conversation that was complete with gestures and "Mm"s and not a single word said.

My dad had promised to take me to the beach today, and hence, though it was raining, there were were. Father and daughter, ice cream kulfi in hand, walking towards the sea. My sea! Though I've imagined it a hundred thousand times, I've never actually been to the beach when it was raining before, and trust me, no mater how intricately I might have imagined it, it wasn't even a shadow of what I saw today.

In my imagination, the rain at the beach had wind and drops all over the surface of the sea. Distant sail boats, that were rocking furiously as the made their way back to shore.

What I saw today though, was nothing short of magical. As we walked to the sea, with barely a 50 metres left to the water, lightning cracked the sky open. It was like the floor of the heavens had cracked. With the sea in front of me, and the wide wide expanse of the sky above me, a little girl's squeal automatically left me as I stared awestruck at the ENTIRE lightning bolt. I've seen lightning from above buildings, through windows, over fields, but this one was the best one so far, Biggest too.
Even as I stood there, still in shock. The happiest of its kind, forgetting my ice cream and the journey to the beach, the thunder rumbled. I love the thunder. If the lightning is a feast for my eyes, the thunder is a feast for my soul. I cannot explain how or why I fell in love with it. I just know that when it thunders, I feel complete. And I'm almost always smiling automatically.
As the thunder boomed, I bolted towards the sea. The next lightning and thunder, I wanted to experience it with a waves lapping at my feet.

My dad didn't come with me to the water, though that was okay with me. He stood a few steps behind and just let me be.

I reached the sea to have another fantastical experience waiting for me. My imagination, of raindrops on the sea, it might have been true for a harder rain, today it was just the shore... with deep secrets. I used to believe that the sea at sunrise, the expanse of liquid gold was the most beautiful sea, but I was wrong. Today, she was the goddess of the night. If the sea were a woman, tonight she wore her shimmery silvery black dress, her sleek hair let down, with grey eyes. Grey eyes that are light and alluring, and ever so inviting, and once you go near, you realize that they are deep, very deep. Yet you cannot leave, because you're bewitched. You cannot move, you just want to know more. That is how the sea was.

I was all alone in front of the sea, and when the sky lit up with a lightning that was hidden by the clouds, I felt like I both owned the place and like I was a very tiny tiny person. The city's lights were quite far, and deep within the sea, at some far away place, I could hear the rain pounding away.

They say that when you find the right person, you will fall in love again and again. Tonight I found out what that meant. The rain and the sea, I don't think I will ever be able to help falling in love with them over and over again till my very last breath!
-
Today, if it hadn't been for my dad (yes, I did turn around several times to just see him and make sure he's there) I would definitely have been completely freaked out. Since he was there, I was happily played with the sea. It felt like, as I waited for it, it wouldn't come. But when I drew something on the sand with my toes, it slyly came and washed away just that, as if to say I got your message.

We stayed around for a while and left.

Within minutes of starting from the beach, it started raining heavily. The rain really is my boyfriend! Always watching over me ;P
I did another thing I've always dreamt of, but never done before. I kept my window down, and head out, resting on my arms the whole drive home. My face was wet, and when I had to take my head in, I kept my hands out. Slow music in the background.

Some nights are perfect. Few are mystical :)

Nae nae nae kasumi toeg :)

That's Korean for 'my my my heart bursts'
It's lyrics from the song, I was listening to the wind rustling and happily calmly compiling a rhymey baby poem about stuff I liked. Of course I mentioned rain and thunder and all that.

All the while, I heard the transition from the soft breeze to the stronger rustles to the soft thunder, slow drizzle and the rain. Natures song and poetry, some of the best compositions I've ever heard.

When I find my self almost mentioning rain for the third time, I couldn't resist. I had to go out, at least for a moment and see it...feel it...hear it...smell it from up close. And that's when nae kasumi taeg !

Absolutely love this feeling :)
Hope you have many heart bursting moments too!

P.S: The song is called Jaywalking, and it is a drama O.S.T sung by Sung Joon. Lyrics below!

“Jaywalking”

The moment I first see you, you turn my head, time stops Right now, I can’t even see if the light’s green or red I don’t need anything My heart just heads toward you Oh, my love I run blindly ahead and hold you Just as I am, like this I run without fear and hold you When I see you, so beautiful, my, my, my heart goes thud

I don’t care about rules, what anyone says, or whoever blocks me Even if I collapse or shed tears, I’ve only got one path I don’t need anything My heart just heads toward you Oh, my love I run blindly ahead and hold you Just as I am, like this I run without fear and hold you When I see you, so beautiful, my, my, my heart goes thud My heart goes thud My heart goes thud My heart goes thud My heart goes thud

Prisoner in Paradise

She lifted the curtains a teensie bit on the side, and looked through the window yet another time. It sure did sound like it, but she couldn't make out if she saw the pitter patter of drops or not. She let the curtains fall, and went back to writing on her laptop. Three words, and she was reaching for the curtain yet again. She almost let it fall back, when she noticed it. The unmistakeable lighting up of the whole street by a lightning.

She left what she was doing as it was, and ran to the door. Quickly unlocked it and stood still in her verandah. The smell of the rain and the winds surrounded and engulfed her. Zoe had waited for this for so long. She pressed her face, to see through one of the petal shaped apertures of the metal gate - Part of the iron frame surrounding her verandah, a detailed flower garden pattern in metal.

Since he wasn't in town, and it was quite late in the night, the gate was already locked. Not bothering to open it, she rested her chin on the cold iron and looked at the rain fall. It had been so long. It almost looked like the reunion of two long lost friends.

Was it about a month back? She was watching some movie, where there was heavy rain in one of the scenes. Just that made her so nostalgic, and desperate for rain. And now, it was finally here. It had drizzled a couple of times the past week. As good as that is, it was no rain.

For some people, rain means sadness. For some it brought the urge to dance. Some were happy, and some became poets. For Zoe, the rain was all that and more. It lit up her world like no other. She almost shared a bond with every falling drop. In spite of all this, she was more than content just standing where she stood and  looking out.

She had felt that this rain would bring with it a lot of thoughts, as so much was left to be figured out. So much left to do, and so much to sort out. But she found herself comforted just by the feel of the cold iron. For someone who was allergic to metal, she sure loved the feel of it.

The droplets of water prancing on the wind-shield of a car's  parked ahead caught her attention. A little beyond, to her left, the asbestos of the car park had water falling from it in several parallel streams. Sliver of streams that changed direction of flow along with the rain itself. The street light above not just shed light on it, but also seemed to be enjoying it's first row view of the little water works. The trees that had already closed their leaves for the night were elegantly letting the water drip from them. 

As she looked on at the rain changing directions with the wind, no gushing thoughts, and no surge of solutions came to her. Those issues would have to be worked on slowly, and with efforts. But it didn't feel so walloping any more. The future was still as dubious as it was, but it wasn't dark and disheartening.

The rain always brought with it a promise of hope for brand new beginnings. It also brought with it a beaming smile for Zoe's face. Which she kept on as she watched the rain till it slowed down ... and even when she went to bed that night.

The Keyboard

She was standing surrounded by pianos and keyboards. Gentle music was being played. A part of her brain was thinking that someone must have carefully picked out songs that were both famous and had a prominent piano music as part of them.

Her cellphone was still in her hand, and the screen had a small box which said “Call Ended”. Sighing, as the message faded away, she put the phone back into her bag. She proceeded to ask them if they could wrap the package with water proof polythene cover, so the rain doesn’t affect it as she rides back.

There were a couple of forms to be filled and then they opened it. Her musical keyboard. She’d been waiting for this moment for as long as she could remember. The day she would own her very own musical keyboard. The love for the piano had started way back in junior school when she had gone to music classes for 2 years. Ms. Vanilla Devi, the woman who made poetry come alive and made one want to dance with the music she played. As far as she was concerned,  Ms. Vanilla was the best pianist ever. And the best music teacher. She sadly remembered that the only music she still knew how to play was ‘Mary had a little lamb’. But that was going to change soon. All those countless times when her fingers had played the imaginary piano while listening to some song, can now bear fruit. She will learn to play the keyboard. And like this dream came true, she hoped that one day she would have a Grand Piano Forte in the home she will eventually have.

“Please sign here”

Back in the present, she quickly signed the card slip that would officially make the keyboard hers. ‘Vanilla’.

Her dad was away. Her sister was mad/jealous or just too lazy, so had refused to come with her, to help carry it back. People at home repeatedly asked why she was making such a sudden rash decision. She knew in her heart that it was neither sudden nor rash. It has just been a matter of timing, and now she could finally afford it on her own. She had learnt the hard way that putting off something would only decrease the probability of ever achieving it. And she had put this off for way too long already.

The keyboard was wrapped and ready. The friendly guy at the store helped her carry it back to her bike and placed it there for her. She sat on, and was relieved that her head was above the box. Barely so. Her chin was actually hidden.

She slowly started the bike, adjusting herself and the box to a more comfortable position. Gingerly she drove on, the 4 kms from the showroom to her house.

She knew that this was possibly the highlight of the month. A dream of so long coming true finally, should at least deserve the ‘Highlight of the month’ title. She wasn’t excited though. She wondered if she was even tad happy, and didn’t know the answer to that. The ride that seemed longer than ever finally came to an end, in front of her house.

She pushed the gate as usual, with her hands. It didn’t budge. Someone had latched it from the inside. Sighing a very heavy sigh, she got off carefully to open the gate from the other side. She went on to place the keyboard inside her house, in the dark porch.

Suddenly she felt very very alone. Not lonely. She knew what it was like to be lonely. This wasn’t it. She just felt all alone. She had had a tiff with her dad earlier this week. They hadn’t spoken in 5 days. Things had ended with her best friend a little before that. Something she knew she had to do, had done it very reluctantly, and now can’t think of a reason why. She hadn’t spoken to a good friend of hers, with whom things had gotten messy because of something silly she did months ago, for a few months now. She had just 2 friends now. Both of whom had enough problems on their own to deal with.

The I-m-fine-I-give-a-damn-I-just won’t-think-about-any-of-it exterior which she was so carefully putting on suddenly felt like a heavy … heavy burden.

An island… that’s what she felt like. I cold barren island.

Her tears had dried out. So she knew that at the least, she wouldn’t have to enter the house with tell tale tears to explain.

Wishing desperately that someone would just give her a hug. Or let her lay her head on their shoulders as she just sat for a while, she parked her bike inside.

The keyboard was placed, package and all, in a corner of the living room, and forgotten about.

Hopefully temporarily.

Heaven Up There

HOLA PICOLA !!!!

My first post in 2012 :D

And before I continue , Need to make special note to the fact that this blog featured in the Newspaper!

Oui my babies, we're famous :D

Okay, dont have much time in hand - So firstly - HAPPEEE New year :D

And I'm here again for one of the few reasons that always have me running here.
Wanna take a guess ?

Rain !!

:)

The rain today looks exactly like how the Blog Template is.
Sudden, wild and brilliant. And I was grinning like the earth just kissed me :D

So we moved into this new office premises, and the roof top has red clay tiles... and the smell of it as rain hits ..omo! Heavenly !
I know if there is a heaven, it rains there a lot, and at least smells like it.
I have tons to tell you and and truck loads happening, and I want to gush out everything right now. But ... I know the year beginning and of course our new found fame need dedicated posts. So I shall refrain - like I refrained from running into the rain coz I had to go back into my office.

Loving 2012.

(The first rain of 2012 was on Jan 1st morning- awesome kick off or what!)

Signing off now,

Still the imaginative realist,
Rain luurrrvvvvver,

Always yours truly,

Someday's dreamer.

Drive in the rain

One of the things I've always wanted to do was go for a long drive, music blaring, along the coast, in the rain.
Now that I've done it, I know I'm always going to keep wanting to every time it rains!
It was one of the best days of 2011. I know I've had a few good ones and few bad ones this year, but I'm pretty sure that day will make it to the top 10 good ones, if someone's keeping track!


Just for the sake of memory; Date: 29th October, 2011.


It all started, like many good things do, one rainy day. There was thunder, there was lightning, every element which mother nature uses to express herself in, in all of its glory. We got talking or chatting online... when I said I wish I were at the beach. One thing led to another, and before we knew it an offer to drive to the near by coastal attraction was made and accepted with complete glee. A date was fixed. Plan sealed XD


I'm a very insecure person. When the day arrived and I had received no call or text confirming the drive, I was certain that it was going to be cancelled. But, when the rain came down, I knew I had to at least try! I sent a tentative text, and got a reply that dismissed all my doubts, with the time of departure. I know it probably had nothing to do with the rest of the day, or actually leaving.
But when I'm in doubt, especially when I suspect a possible rejection, my first reaction, almost instinctively is to reject first and run. That's probably what I would have done, had it not rained that morning.
So you see, small act of faith was a big step for me :P


With all of Lady luck favouring us, we set off. The route that we took was  the more round about one, which meets the coast a little later than the other route. I must admit I was more than just a tad bit disappointed in the beginning. I was nevertheless determined to be happy- long time dream coming true na! And boy am I glad that we went that way!!!


That's when the rain started :)


The road wasn't the best, but it was one of those tree-y roads, yunno? With big trees forming an arch way all along the way. That road ended in another road which was pretty with bright yellow flowers along the center and foresty growth on either side. It felt like it was right out of some Enid Blyton novel! I was all but jumping. The specially bright green, and that pleasant chill which only a consistent slight drizzle can create.


The music was pleasant, though my constantly changing the song within 8 seconds of it starting might have tested the patience of even a saint :P


The road suddenly cleared, and we were surrounded on both sides by the wide expanse of a lake. I felt like Anne of green gables, stepping into my backyard - of the house of dreams. It was beauutiful !
Buildings were so far away, and so tiny, like they belonged to a different world, the same world I had left my worries in.


That road, driving on it, at one point having my hand out in the drizzle and letting the cool wind blow on my face... the highway with the squiggles, the green arch way, the forest path, the lake road ... that one long stretch, was one of those places that could make one truely happy. Just plain keep-grinnin kinda happy. Not thoughtful, not just content, but ":D" happy. I loved it !


Soon, the road came to an end with us joining the coastal road. I regretted leaving the road that I had initially regretted taking, like life's many ironies. Glad I got to witness it on that day in all of its glory though :)


Getting back on the familiar coastal road was like coming to a home away from home. I almost know it by heart. And just when I was getting all smug about being on "my turf", we turned into - Tiger's Cave. One of those places that I've always crossed, but never been to. It was truly a discover. You could say there wasn't much there, but there was enough for me. An old abandoned rock temple project, 2 stones that were oddly placed, lush lawns, trees and a beautiful drizzle that can make a crowded street feel like a movie scene!


The place was really beautiful though :) One of those tucked away wonders. It had a small entry to the beach, and I obviously wanted to go!






























A few shells and a Kulfi later, we set off again.
This time, focus on the Final Destination: Mahabs!


The drive to mahabs after the break went much faster and smoother.
My request for lunch was shot down with an "after the shore temple! Its not raining now, so we should go"

We stepped out, 3 steps, and drizzle became a gentle rain...10 steps... rain became a shower.
"Maybe we should get an umberella..?" my friend asked tentatively.
Which I obviously shot down with a "Hell no, isn't this what you wanted ?!" Impish grin spread all over my face. Even so, we dashed for cover in a small curios shop. The nice lady there gave us a plastic cover to place cell phones and cameras in. Once I knew that was secure, my attention ...or rather my distraction was randomly refocusing.Bang opposite to us were a couple of gypsies, holding umbrellas, but their wares - glass beads, left out in the rain.
I'm not sure I will ever find the right words to describe the feeling and the beauty associated with looking at colourful glass beads displayed in the rain. And the ecstacy that accompanied running across the street in the pouring rain to check them out. May be it was my cheery poncho, maybe it was just the absolute happy smile on my face - everyone seemed to have a smile for me.
I shopped, my sweet friend paid :P
Provided I wore my gypsy-y beads. I obliged happily!


The one...one and a half hours that followed will forever in my memory be one of the most peaceful times I've ever spent. The shore temple, which I had last visited when I was about 10 years old, was just what the name said - a stone temple along the sea shore.
What adds to its charm is that it is an unfinished temple.
The builder, the king who beckoned the temple to be built had a fight half way through and all construction was stopped. Rumour has it that the builder ran away with the king's daughter - the princess of the land.
The temple has been well preserved across the centuries, and is as..if not more beautiful today as the day it was built.
 (My Light house obsession)



There is a word in Tamil called 'Saaral'.
Saaral refers to a mild spray ... a kind of rain. Which is lighter than a drizzle. Where each drop is miniscule and sweetly cold as it falls on our faces.
There was a lovely saaral though out our time there.
That place had some beautiful memories. Memories I have from photographs. A picture, where my sister looks absolutely adorable sitting on a stone cow, and grinning ear to ear was from there. I realized that when we saw it there, and that made me all the more happier.


My friend was forced to conquer a slight fear of heights, and join me in sitting atop another one of the many stone cows surrounded the temple. We looked at people, watched water falling from a higher surface to a lower one, stared at the ocean, smiled at the kids playing at a distance.
everything was so peaceful in my heart right then.



We left happily. Satiated with the peacefulness.
Towards food!











A longer ride, and a little bit of desperation (for food of course) from my end ensued.
Funnily enough, with my desperation, the intensity of the rain increased.
Making me feel like the rain queen :P


Amazing lunch with invigorating conversation followed.

Yummm native food :)

The ride back was quiet. The comfortable quiet, with music :)

 It continued to drizzle on and off for the rest of the journey :)

It's Raining !!! :D

That's the text I sent out to half a dozen of my friends at 5: 30 AM, this morning.
It's raining again after almost a 2 week dry spell this monsoon. It couldn't have come at a better time!

Yesterday was a bad day at work.
I am still proud of the fact that I didn't break into tears right in the middle of the meeting.
The fact that I am proud of such a thing, probably doesn't say much about my maturity. No matter what my friends say, as far as the professional world is concerned, I am as immature as the day I first stepped into MBA, and blinked at people as they spoke about OPM.

As I look through my back door, there, just beyond the grill is a sprig of green leaves - a beautiful, fresh, washed out green which only rain can bring, bent a bit over- again because of the rain! Against the white wall of the house behind mine. It looks almost picture perfect. Makes me wish everything in life was that beautiful, and straight forward.

Too simplistic?
I guess... But sometimes, I just wish it were.

Then again, I'm happy that no matter how hard or crazy life seems, a small (or big) shower of rain can bring a smile to my face again.
So much so, that today morning, after a turbulent work-dreamy night, I woke up to the sound of rain.
I was so excited, I wanted to run out, and say
"I have struggled in vain, but I can contain myself no longer. I need to tell you how ardently I admire and love you"
So much for water falling from the heavens, you ask? Well .. ;)


Hoping you find your happy thing too !

Happy rainy day :)

Swing in the rain

I went on a mini vacation a short while ago. A time off, towards a place that had rain.
My aunt's place.

Apart from the fact that they have a beeuutttiifffuuulll home, my aunt- whom I can really talk to, 2 lovely kids who love me ;), one of the main reasons I love going over is because they have a Balcony which is semi covered with a thatched roof, and surrounded by plants. It commands a lovely view of a eucalyptus trees swaying like curtains in front of a wide open field.

Do you have a happy place in your mind?

A place where you imagine yourself just quietly sitting, a reading a book maybe?

I have a few, the big leaved tree at school that overlooks the play area - when I'm drawing or reading a book, the beach, where I'm singing or writing in my net book, driving in a car - top speed, high way, music blaring... or sitting on a swing, and many more.

So this time, when I went to my aunt's place, I was ultra delighted as they had a new swing installed in that balcony! Imagine my delight :D
Even though I couldn't sit out there on the first day, I fantasized about sitting there the next day (Yes, these are the kind of things I fantasize about.), reading my book, and watching/ smelling the eucalyptus sway in the rain.
The next day came, I was free, I got my book out and got all set to go and read, swinging along while listening to the rain. What I hadn't factored in was the presence of 2 kids home. I thought they would quietly study in their study time. I guess I've been a grown up way too long, because I clearly should have known better. I hadn't been there 3 seconds before I heard 2 sets of feet running up the stairs screaming my name, with "Where are you?!?!?"s like I had disappeared. Well, aged 7 and 11, I should have known :)
The book was kept aside, music played instead.
And there was one little boy with a head firmly lodged on my lap, making himself comfortable, and a little girl, sitting in front of my, explaining a mile a minute about the Arabic princess who was getting kidnapped in the 'super' green car.
It was soooo NOT quiet. If there was a thing called anti quiet, this was it! They were screaming, shouting and moving way too fast. But it was peaceful, and we laughed so much! I was hugged a million times, and my attention was wanted and I felt precious. A swing in the rain, with a book might feel perfectly peaceful in our heads, but a swing in the rain, with 2 kids is much more perfectly perfect. I never expected to love it so :)

Next time, when I'm in my peaceful place, in my head - I might just have a 7 year old boy lying on my lap and trying to get the swing moving in crazy directions with his legs, and I'll not have a smile on my face. Just a grin.

Swing in the rain :)

An Ode To The Rain That Lost Its Way

Somewhere, at this moment, a storm is brewing. And there kneels a little girl, on a couch, her face pressed eagerly on the glass window. She looks up at the overcast skies, which might break open any moment now. Lightning and thunder rock the skies. She smiles as the first drop falls. She watches as the rain falls free. The smile slowly turning into a grin, as a whiff of the rain scent reaches her. I wish I were next to her right now, helping her open the window just a crack, as we let the rain fall on our finger tips.