There is one theory of Emotional Psychology which states that what we feel is based on the emotions we're overtly expressing. I.e.; We don't cry because we feel sad, but we feel sad, when we realize we're crying.
Before you completely dismiss it as a stupid theory, think about this: Have there been times when people have pointed out to you that you are frowning, or that you look sad, and you, till that moment hadn't been aware of feeling annoyed or sad, but once it's pointed out, and you realize it, you wonder, and maybe even started feeling annoyed or sad after that - because you might have had a reason to be annoyed or sad. It might have even been happiness ... Have you felt happier, when you noticed you were smiling?
Well, I'm not here to lobby for that theory, neither do I completely believe in it. I just think that it is interesting, and that it might be applicable in some situations.
Like today.
I have a terrible terrible cold. So terrible in fact, that even my eyes have been leaking all day. So I've had to keep wiping away tears all day.
Granted a blocked nose, exhaustion from the lack of sleep, the slight throbbing head ache from constant sneezing and a throat that was competing with a blazing blunt chainsaws is enough and more reason to make a person feel a little blue. But my day wasn't half bad otherwise ... but with the wiping of tears ..and wiping and wiping... I started thinking of all kinds of saddening things, and by the end of it all, well you get where I'm going right.
All I'm saying that James and Lange may not have been completely batting in the dark there.

Primal Instinct: The Lean

Today, I was 1.5 hour into a movie, at the movie theatre. About a half hour after the intermission.
The imitation game. A brilliant movie, I love the actor, I loved the relationship equations being portrayed in the movie, and it was just closing in to the climax.
All I wanted to do was lean my head on the seat in front of me.

I wasn't unwell. Not physically. At the theatre that is.
I did have a friend next to me, but I didn't want to lean on him. I just wanted to rest my head, which was suddenly feeling too heavy for my neck somewhere. Put my head down.

One a side note: Personally, I feel the shoulder is one of the most attractive feature on men. Some so broad, like they were made just to be leant on. With the right person, that support is priceless.

I think it's a natural instinct, to get into a position which ensures more supply of blood to the part of the brain that is suddenly - forcibly - put on overdrive. To lean forward, and shut eyes as well in the process.
What got the brain into an overdrive was a 2 minute conversation. So crazy. That simple.

And the leaning ...well I didn't do it this time. 

But I have given in, many a time, and trust me, it helps. If not for anything else, but for providing one moment of absolute peace, that'll strengthen you right up before going back to deal with the chaos reigning in the mind.

Primal Insticts: The Protective

Yesterday, a friend of mine...a male friend of mine was forcibly involved in an argumentative settlement/ meeting. He was taken as his department representative, and had to listen to being blamed for the better part of 2 hours, for no fault of his. The blaming apparently was quite strong and derogatory as well.

He came out of the meeting visibly furious. Since we all go back in the same office bus, another friend of ours and I were still waiting for him inside, rather than in the bus.

He stormed to his workstation, and in a moment of uncontrollable rage, flung a huge box file on his desk. Papers were flying and he just stood there seething for a moment. Not usually used to this kind of blatant rage, I stood shocked, and stopped in my tracks quite farther away from him than I would have usually gone.

Normally, I think (since I've never actually been in a similar situation before. (I've occasionally been the one flinging things ;) )) I wouldn't have gone closer...stayed at a safe distance and quietly watched and waited for him to calm down. That feels like the response that I would have expected from me.

Yesterday, I went over, helped him pick up the strewn papers and then walked with him to the bus. We (The other friend and I) even sat together, and made him calm down and laugh. All the while, at least in the beginning, I was wondering why I had this strange urge to hug him and soothe him.

He is a work friend, married and to clarify, I have no romantic feelings towards him. However, he is a really good friend of mine.

I have heard of friends who have been relationships that involved violence, and friends of friends who have been physically abused as well. I have always thought that it was crazy and/ or stupid of them to stay in them. I never understood why any rational/ sane person would willingly even stay in touch with a person who is violent, or worse, uses violence against them. So, my reaction…instinctive urge rather was quite confusing to me. Even if I didn't act upon it, a possible (unreasonable!) explanation, to the till now strange behaviours of those women didn't sit really well with me.

Well however, some things do make sense now. Though I still (somewhat) strongly believe, (and now hope as well!) that I won’t tolerate being in a relationship with violent or abusive men. Of course, there are levels of violence/ abusiveness… so how much of it will get covered under the protective instincts of women, and beyond what level does it go to intolerable/ habit? I wonder…

I know my friend was just acting out of rage, and didn't harm anyone, and calmed down soon after. I'm not making excuses for him. Just that I found an opportunity to partly discover something new about myself and about humans in general. We sure are a strange, complex and interesting species!

Coin in the pocket

We play carom at office, during lunch break, quite a lot. I am not the best player among the lot. Far from. Skimming the bottom three more like. But I do pocket some seemingly impossible coins (mostly out of sheer luck!) many a time, and being the only girl there, I’m quite indulged and allowed to play as an equal ;)

I’ve been having a particularly bad week in terms of performance. Yesterday was the worst of it all. I was struggling to pocket even a single coin. So it happens, that by random draw, I got assigned a partner. In that game, he pocketed 4 coins out of 9 in his first turn. 4 more quicly followed, plus the red. And I hadn’t pocketed a single coin. There was a point when the opponent team had 5 coins on the board, while we had just one. I had many opportunities to finish the game with simple direct shots… but it just wasn’t my day, and I couldn’t. The best became the worst, as we lost pathetically in the end – despite such a glorious (thanks to my partner) start.

My partner, whom I have played with before – days when I have even been better than him, gave me a hi-five after the game. I guessed he didn’t want me to feel too badly or was seething inside, for what could have been his perfect victory. I did feel sorry for him…but there was nothing I could do, so I laughed it away.

So we left the board to the winners and the next team. A little later, he called me on the intercom, and goes “Today was awesome! Let’s play together more often!” I was stumped. Wondered if he was being completely sarcastic, though he didn’t sound it. 

So I ask him how come, and he goes – “I’ve never played this well before! I've played so well for the first time with you”

Relationships are like that aren't they?

Its many a time not about if it’s a successful partnership, or a complete failure. It’s about one person makes the other feel. One might be doing his best, and the other nothing at all, but if she makes him good about his best… or for some reason he believes she brings out the best in him, the partnership is a success. And there is hope for them to stick it out. Hope meaning, they can continue to believe that it will all work out at some point. And they win. Even if they don’t. They probably still win where it counts.

But as some people say, it’s apparently the journey that counts ;)

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How long will this last, since the balance is so off? I wonder. Just some random postscript wondering.

On a cusp

It's almost the midnight of 20th December 2012. We're two minutes away from 21.12.12, the day the world was prophesied to end.
I know it's not going to, my brain knows that it is a ridiculous idea. But my heart? It believes. Rather, it wants to believe. There is something so poetic about things like the world coming to an end, that makes me wonder what if. Will I regret anything? I'll regret regretting, so I shan't. It's funny...I'm typing super fast, so that I can hit on the 'Publish' button, just in case something starts to happen. Hehe. Its strangely a fun feeling.
Of course I'd rather it happen after 8 hours. Considering that the 2 people I care for most in this world aren't home right now, and are expected back only in the morning!
I've already packed for my trip tomorrow, but I haven't started studying for my exam a week from now. *Keke*
I guess tomorrow same time, when news reports of nothing majorly catastrophic turns up, and I'm sitting curled up in the bus, the biggest thought on my head would be "Damn, I have an exam coming up!" ;)
Nonetheless, if. IF.
If the world does end today (It's here! 21.12.12) I think I am happy about the life I've lead, and am glad I'll get to join my mum again :)
I didn't think I would have such a simplistic approach to death. And more of a curious interest in the end of the world. Nonetheless, I'm glad I now kind of know that I either lived big enough to be satisfied with it, or small enough to be content with it. A world of difference between the two, but I'm too eccentric to tell the difference for myself.
If we live to see another sunrise, I hope y'all had a time to rethink life a bit and get ready to start living again!
I for one, have...will have... an exam to ace, a book to publish, a relationship to explore, a temper to deal with all over again and a job to find! Phew!

Love...From what I've seen and understand

When we're 16 to 19
Falling in love is like a reckless dive. We give it our all - heart and soul.
Though it is a time when we're learning to define ourselves away from our parents, Love at that time is more of a support system than a defining factor. It's our first step beyond the boundary.
At that age, it's beautiful, it's completely for the present, and almost like there ain't no grey.
The heart is given a free reign.

When we're young adults - 19 to 30
A time of life when almost everything is about the future. Love is too.
We evaluate people based on how well they will be a match for us, and how good a company they would be in the future. We don't want to give it our all, but most of us wouldn't have perfected restraint in a relationship. Because of that, it is passionate.
It is a war between the mind and the heart.
For some, the mind rules. For some, the heart rules. A rare precious few find the perfect balance. The rest just waddle in the pool between one end and the other- often taking many laps.

When we hit middle age
We've found stability... if not in our lives, at least mentally.
Love isn't a want, just a basic need. It doesn't have to be passionate, companionship means more.
Restraint is perfected with or without practice. It isn't about the past, present or future exactly. It is more about one's understanding of one self, over his past and present. Evaluations of the future is not about - will my partner contribute to it or hinder it, rather, will my partner fit into it.
Here, the mind rules the heart. They learn the balance between themselves.


And then there are some others like me, to whom love is a book or a video, read or watched, enjoyed from a distance, for the amusement they provide. And maybe dreaming of a someday when the umbrella is held over two heads instead of one.

A Rose By Some Other Name

There's a long email in my inbox.

A smile playing on my lips.

A tear threatening to fall.

I'm not here to write about any of that. I'm here to randomly wonder. And hypothesize.

(Doing a lot of that lately!)

What is the difference between the colour WHITE and SILVER?

Yes, silver has that sparkly, shimmery element to it, but otherwise, they're almost similar right?

Yet, when we say white, in our minds, we picture a...paper, a wall, soft fluffy clouds,.... beautiful white things. But, when we say silver, at least to me, there's an element of ...something more involved. I sense Christmas, I see shimmer, I see glittery stars... I feel a bit of magic.

Ok, that last bit might be slightly exaggerated, but try it, close your eyes, think silver, and see what comes to your mind, I bet you would get at least an inkling of magic in your images.

"What's in a name? that which we call a rose
      By any other name would smell as sweet"

Said Shakespeare.

That is true, I totally agree. 

Call a rose a pic and smell it, it would smell just as sweet.

Suddenly though, I'm wondering if a rose by any other name would have become so popular!

All over the world.

I'm pretty sure I've come across many flowers that have an aroma that is far sweeter than the rose, and I know that there are MANY MANY flowers that are much more beautiful than the rose.

So, what does a rose have that all of those prettier better smelling flowers don't have? 

The name: Rose.

The name that has been forever associated with love and romance, an emotional significance, and cliched in every way possible. That's what the other flowers don't have. 

So I think a rose, by any other name, would surely smell just as sweet, but would not have been half as popular.

So coming back to colours and words.

Words have a special ability, they can make the most drab and humdrum things sound exotic and spectacular.

For instance, if I described a girl with deep chocolatey eyes, and then a girl with brown eyes - Every characteristic, except the eye colour description same word for word, I'm certain the girl with chocolatey eyes would have looked better in your imagination.

I think that is the deal with white and silver. The association we've made with them over the ages. Agreed they're not the same, and do have a difference. Yet, they're not that different either. Our visual senses have associated silver with more ...interesting... shiny...sparkling things than those we have with white.

Visual tricks, just like with words.

Different part of our brain I guess.

This is just random wombling (wondering + rambling).

A stray 1 AM thought that I felt like exploring :)

All said, have a shimmery silvery day !!

Trust hypothesis

Developmentally, we are programmed to start learning to let go of many things during our young adulthood.This learning happens slowly, and in stages. The letting go is also done in that way, to ensure there is no sudden shock.
We learn to stop relying on our parents, economically and emotionally.
We learn to stop having completely organized lives that school and college gave us.

I might have just listed just 2 things, but I think you would know that both of those things, especially the first incorporates a billion smaller things within itself.

So as we grow older, most of us learn to save bits of ourselves. Little bits here and there which is not for anyone but ourselves. We learn that as we grow older, people and things we love don't stay forever, and every time someone leaves, they take a bit of our hearts with them.
Be it a break up, or later on, when a child moves out of the house.

When we're born, we're all born with a lot of ....trust issues (:P). Have you noticed how tightly a baby holds on to you, or how loudly it screams when someone new try to pick it up (most babies). We're not born very trusting.
Somewhere between our second year and fifth year, we learn to trust implicitly. To the extent that our parents have to repeatedly tell us not to talk or accept anything from strangers. This trust usually lingers on till we start learning to let go.

I'm hypothesizing that our trust development is divided into 3 stages:
1. No trust (0 to 2-3 yrs)
2. Implicit trust (3 to 16)
3. Conditional trust (18 onward)

Have you noticed that in the movies, the guy or the girl with major trust issues is usually the one who had a 'dark past'? Maybe a kidnap, or drowning, single parent, lost as a kid, whatever ... those character sketches are usually portrayed as people with trust issues.

I think that when something so huge happens when we're young, the implicit trust is shaken to an extent that we revert to stage one. The reverting may happen completely, or just in parts based on the severity of the issue.Stage 3 requires a lot of learning, and is attained in very rare cases when they are already almost there, precociously.
So these people go back to stage one, and have to do their learning from there. I guess that's why dealing with them, especially if you're in some sort of relationship with them is a tad difficult.
Not that they won't ever trust you, but it takes longer to pass stage one, then in that period of the relationship when you get them to learn to trust, they cross a period of stage 2, very cautiously. If anything happens then, even the slightest question of trust, they revert to stage 1. But if you hold on long enough, they will get to stage 3. And might just make it worth the wait :P

This is my hypothesis ;)