Rumour Has It

The storm is over now :)

After all the previous confusions, I did what was the best option available - Phone a friend!

Remember how just a while back, I told you that I was described as irritating by many, and that it had hit me hard. Well I found out why, and it's such a dumb reason. Well, as serious as any, but nothing I needed to have gotten worried over.

Lets rewind a bit: It's story time!

Back when I joined college, I was completely new to co-education, and men and their ways intimidated and scared me. Luckily though, I made a few good friends. One of them happened to be my room mate's good friend from even before. So when we joined college, she already had a friend, and she trusted him like a brother. Which is good, except, she also started calling him anna - which is the word for 'elder bro'.

Back then, that was good too. Because he was a sweet guy, and you know how I'd always wanted an elder brother!; I ended up calling him anna too. Along the same time, I made friends with a few more people. One of whom was - lets call him Strider. He had a sister, who was my junior at school, and she shared my birthday! He is, till date, one of the sweetest and most helpful people I have ever known. He was the perfect brother, and since he also missed his sister, we became close like blood brother and sister. He protected me (from the evilness of finance and numbers) and we always hung out together.
When Rakhi (A festival where brothers are comm orated for being there for their sisters) came along I tied both of them Rakhis. So did my roomie. I even got to tie Strider's real sister's rakhi for him.
At college, I should mention that I also had 2 other such brothers, who were not so close. I told you, back then, I was new to the world of co-ed, and I was really excited to finally have brothers.

Things were, nevertheless going nice and smooth till two things happened : My roomie and the first anna (the guy she new from before) started developing feelings for each other, and slowly started dropping the anna out of her sentences.
Around the same time, I developed a fever. I am a very very quiet sick person. Even at home. When I'm sick, I close all the curtains, turn off my phone and sleep. I rarely get sick, and don't like being sick -so I avoid human contact when I am sick. That was something my new friends at college didn't know of course! Most didn't mind, few brought be food and fruits. My poor strider brother though was very worried, and even more so when I didn't keep him updated.
By the end of the three days, when I was slowly coming out, but hadn't still fully recovered, we met and spoke. He had unfortunately misunderstood that I had been avoiding him. I was too exhausted to argue, and let things be. The miscommunication became a misunderstanding and eventually a gap which became too far. When in the following holiday, I couldn't make it to his place because of a prior appointment that I had forgotten - that broke off the last log in the flimsy bridge between us.

As my good friend misha would vehemently say - when there's a problem, and I decide I've tried enough, it is 'goodbye' from me. (A habit I am trying to change!) So we grew apart, with misunderstandings still ripe between us.

My room mate by then had a boy friend, and one less brother. I also had one less brother. What did people think? I'm guessing that most people thought that it clicked for her, but didn't for me. That we broke up.

First year was done, and the second begun - and right off at the beginning I knew for a fact that quite a few people hated me. The really hated me type. We have a game in the beginning of every year where all the second years are given nickname (which is decided by an online recommendation process which is viewable by all second years) which the first years have to guess.
I had the worst of the worst nicknames suggested for me. All good ones were erased immediately. It got to an extent, that I almost had to make an official complaint. I wasn't popular, infamous maybe. It was clear. I never did care too much about what people thought of me, and on those occasional instanced that I did, I've regretted it.
So I never cared.

Thing is, I still don't completely know what the rumour(s) about me were. But my good friend (who was then in the first year- and being a guy, got to hear all the rumours as was) told me that right when they stepped in, they were asked to watch out for me. "The issue" was still heavily attached to me. I was described as a cold hearted bitch. (No point mincing words sometimes)

All said, I was fortunate to have good friends, so my second year was fun. I made some more great new friends, despite all that. The type you know you can trust, because they believed me rather than those rumours.

This was probably (obviously?) why many thought and described me as an irritating person. The guy who had described me as that had told me that probably being polite, and giving me the watered down version. I understand now.

I'm glad I never cared back then.I feel stupid for having suddenly bothered about it now, nonetheless, I'm glad I finally understand and got to clear a few cob webs in my head.
Strider was very popular, and liked by everyone. I didn't really socialize comfortably with everyone. It may be the reason why, a lot of people might have thought that they were standing up for him. I'd never know, and care no more.
I still don't like that person who said I was irritating, because I had thought of him as a friend, but he had cared more about what other people thought. I still believe that all people are good. Except the 0.5 percent of sociopaths. I know that men in packs can be ass holes, and gossip more viciously than women ever can. Finally, I am going back to not giving a damn about what people think of me. I like that I stayed above the scum, and didn't let it get to me back then, and I hope to continue to do so.

P.S: Special thanks to my fellow dreamer, who helped to get over this hurdle, by not just offering a different point of view, but helping me trust myself.
P.P.S: Going back to writing again tomorrow :D

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