3 AM ...

It's 3 AM, of a whole row of sleepless nights.
I sit by the window, and watch the street lamps throw light on the road...
Did you know that crows wake up around 3.30 AM? I found that out a couple of days back...confirmed it yesterday.
I sit here, night after night, watching random doramas, waiting till I can take no more, and can crash in my bed, with no dream to haunt my sleep. Thinking... What could have been is better than what never was.
So many loose ends, and I don't think I will be able to keep my sanity if I thought of what happened/ didn't happen between us too... It doesn't make sense to me, and I'm too tired and exhausted to continue trying to figure it out at the moment.
Random memories skip through my brain... I imagine scenarios of us meeting, and how I might handle it... I can't keep doing this. You said you could never watch me cry. How is it fair for you to just let me cry and pretend it's fine?
I heard that you were alright, asked about you. Did you ask if I was okay ?
I am... that's what I'm telling everyone, including myself.

I don't have the right to ask you to keep holding me together, every time I fall apart.
I can't ask you not to leave...

Just ... please tell me why ...