Those small moments in between

Sleep and wakefulness

When dreams are more real

Than reality's mildness

Where the possibilities are endless

Where infinity is existent

And is slowly coming to an end

Logically, mathematically - this makes no sense

But every he and she who remembers

Those moments as they go up in embers

Will know.

Those moments in between

They hold more memories

Than those of our lives lived

They hold more emotions

Than those in our consciousness felt

They hold more possibilities

Than those in our hearts believed

Those moments in between

With a mind and heart of their own

The time in it, we can never own

Just remember occasionally

Like I'm doing now

And smile or cry,

Or just let them go

Crossroads

Have you ever done something that you never thought you would? Like using your entire life savings and taking out a huge loan and getting an impractical sports car?

Say you go on some crazy lobotomy inspired whim, and go ahead and do just that. It’s done. That moment gave you an amazing thrill. There is a sports car in your garage! Just the thought of that gets you excited, and you want to go and take it on a drive immediately.

BUT. Of course there’s that big but! D’uh. Anyway, so it’s running on the back of your head – “Should I just return it and get that semblance of sanity back in my life?”

But (Of course, there it is again!) … “But… I haven’t done something this exciting in a long time. Infact, I’ve never done it! And I really love driving this car! So can I please please pweeasseee keep it? I could give it back later! I can manage now..... Till something goes wrong. Like the car stops working, or I can’t pay my loan… or I really need that money, to be used in an essential project.”

“But…. If I had that money, I could be ready in case the essential project came up earlier”

What should one do?

Is there a right answer?

Inbetween

Inbetween - in the middle of two things or places.
It's such a complex place to be.
There are residual feelings of nostalgia and relief from the place before, and excitement and anticipation for whats next.

I am inbetween jobs.
People sometimes say that when they don't know where they are going to next. It's a fancy way of saying "I'm jobless" or "I haven't figured out what I'm going to do next". Well I guess that state is complex on it's own as well.
But that's not my case (luckily? ;) )

I know where I am going to next. And I'm going there tomorrow.

But this past month - the notice period has been interesting to put it mildly.
Being in an organization, one that involves excessive community travelling time, for 3 years no less (!) is pretty much like having a new family or being at college ... there is a community you belong to, identify with and get attached to. So suddenly having to leave that - to me felt like I was cheating on a boy friend. Like I told him I'm leaving him for someone else - who I haven't been with yet, but I'm giving both of us a period of time to organize our lives for the change that is to come. (While the new boyfriend conatantly checks up for info and confirmations)

So so so complex and confusing its been.
Am I over reacting? Maybe. I don't know.

The last time I was inbetween jobs, I left the job to finish the project for my M.Sc and had a lot of time for myself. So it was very different. I was just leaving a job. Not for another job.

Another phace of this mildly emotionally roller coaster-y month were those random occassional thoughts of "What  if they suddenly change their minds?" (I have never done this job switching thing before! )

All together, it was, in retrospect, a happening and fun month. I will terribly miss so many people and aspects of my old life - three years of spending thirteen hours a day with those people and working there is more than just a job surely! - but I do look forward to whats to come.

I am now inbetween what was and what would be
The familiar and the possibilities
Inbetween the tears blinked away while saying goodbye and the heartbeats of a new beginning!
Until tomorrow :)

Disconnected: Who can't do it

I'm gonna start off with a mini list of people who should not/ cannot try this experiment
Each with obvious reasons, you'll know ;)

1. People in luuurrrrvvveeee 
2. Parents of little kids
3. People in sales operations
4. Job seekers

You see, during the floods, a major part of the city faced extended blackouts. There is this guy at my workplace who actually preferred to travel through the rain to get to the office and charge his phone so he could talk to his girlfriend. So I'm guessing that he has a snowball's chance in a forest fire for surviving 15 days without his phone :)

Parents of babies probably won't even notice if they have their phone or not. But parents of little ones at play school or primary school definitely would need phones to feel secure that their kids are safe. The times, they are a changing, and the world as well. So :)

I see guys who take care of industrial operation having two phone, both of which are ringing constantly, I'm sure they would welcome a phone break like a parched camel in a dessert, but they mostly can only dream of that circumstance.

And finally, Job Seekers. In this age of almost exclusive online application of jobs, being reachable on the mobile phone seems quintessential. I had to completely forget job hunting and accept that it's a process on pause for the moment.

I know there are many others who feel like they can't live without their phones, or like life would stop without it. But I don't think there is such a pressing need to be so connected for anyone.
Those are the ones who should probably try this experiment for sure!

Christmas Wishlist

So I thought I shouldn't put up wishlists ...but then they are a main part of waking dreams, so I'm gonna put it here anyway :)

My Christmas Wish list for the year!

1. Electronic whisk
2. Vacuum cleaner
   (Am I becoming domesticated?
   :P)
3. Daily Calendar with quotes
4. Golf umbrella
5. Boots
6. Peppy cheese balls
   (What would my list be without something to eat o:) )

Disconnected - Day 8

Helllooooo

How art thou?

Life is great here!

It's been 11 days since I made the decision to turn off my phone. 10 since I implemented the idea. Day 8, because I had it on intermittently for a couple of days during the flood here.

So how have the days been? What did I find out?

The biggest discovery that I have made is how free I feel mentally all the time.

I know I gave a long almost philosophical explanation to it all. I'm sure most of it holds true, and I have a few examples of instances to prove it too. But now I'm realizing that the reason I needed it more than anything was because of how having to be constantly connected or have something to do basically creates a STATIC in your brain.

With the phone, I remember finding it extremely difficult to focus. I often forgot things. It was tough to sit or stay idle for more than a few minutes. It felt as if that time could be used - either to play, or watch a video on the phone, or just scroll through mindless repetitive facebook feed, or message people on WhatsApp.
Earlier, I couldn't go 5 minutes without being occupied before going "I'm Booooaaaaarredd"
So the world felt smaller... more about now. Which is not a bad thing, unless it's limiting the possibilities of a greater tomorrow.

Let me go through the pros and cons in a more organized fashion

We shall begin with the Cons

1. Being disconnected makes one rather lost while traveling or coordinating
   (I come to work by the office bus, and when it rains I don't go to my normal point of pick up, instead I go to a place more accessible by public transport. Last Wednesday, I stood there for a very long time unsure of if I'd missed the bus or if it was terribly late! *Got lucky there, it was late*)
2. Online Bank transactions are becoming a bit of a challenge because of the OTP requirements
3. Letting home know that I'm okay / gonna be late (Could be an extension of point 1) I had to borrow a friend's phone a couple of times for that
4. Making adhoc plans with someone not available immediately available is almost impossible
5. A camera isn't always in my pocket

I know there are other things like not able to listen to music whenever I pleased, or not having a calculator/ torch/ notepad always at my disposal, or not able to watch a video when I please, my tracker apps ... all those are missed intermittently ..but not to any paralysing effect. These cons can be comfortable lived with.

Now for the Pros:

1. Now, without a phone, I can think free.
   There doesn't seem to be a constant undercurrent of thought and opinions or noises of others clouding the process. Brain static as explained above is absent.
2. I can remember numbers! I remember so many phone numbers. (They do talk about necessity being the mother of things)
3. I remember details, small details I would earlier forget and go "Dayum, I should have taken a picture of that!)
4. I've been using my DSLR more often ;)
5. Friends around me don't use their phones as much now since they know that they have to be civil and talk to me and not just smile to their phones
6. It's free. I don't have to constantly check/ fight urges to check for messages. After the first couple of days, even those phantom vibrations stopped
7. Time is regulated. People are specific about the time they can reach me about keeping to appointments
8. I have conversations with people. I did back then too, but now it feels fuller cause I'm not distracted by a phone.

I was wondering (like many of my friends did too) what I was going to gain by doing this for 15 days. I was almost certain that I would be going back to my old mobile phone ways soon enough - so what am I trying to achieve by this?

This is like a vacation.

A vacation from busy-everything-available-at-your-doorstep city life. A vacation to a nice calm world, where one spends time with oneself ans quality time with friends. Good times these :)

I am sure I will discover more quirky advantages of both using and not using a cell phone - and I look forward to it :)

Disconnected : Day 0

Technology was catching up to us.

Now, we are trying to keep up with it.

I remember back in the days of just land lines and no mobile phones, no facebook and no internet for all. We spoke and laughed with people. We did things and didn't document every second of it in Instagram. We had fun, and we were genuinely happy.

The lonely people were genuinely lonely for understandable reasons.

No with a million different ways to stay connected, we have so many ways of being lonely. Conversations and laughter have become a luxury. Texts and LOLs typed out with straight faces have taken their place. We live in an era where we cut off a live conversation with a living breathing human sitting or standing across from us to speak to one who is connected to us via strange telephonic waves that I don't even comprehend the working of.

We text and smile at posts as we ignore those around us.

Yes, it does have its advantages.

We need never get lost, but I don't know the way to my friend's place anymore. Only my GPS does.

I have my sister on speed dial, but I don't know her number by heart anymore.

No message or mail need ever be erased, but that makes everything easy to forget.

General knowledge is at an all time low - cause Google knows it anyway, and we can "Google" it.

I can track my expenses on my phone, I can track my contact lens cycle on my phone, Hell, I even track my period on it! Meaning, without them, I no longer have a track of what and when.

We can dig up any documented information on anything. We can make payments, transfer money.

We need never be bored because our smartphones with expandable memories can store a great amount of videos, games and anything one might find interesting - how comfortable are people sitting still with their thoughts anymore? I realized I wasn't preferring it much myself! Why sit idle, when you can be occupied!

We can call anybody anytime. Yes, we can keep in touch with our near dear ones even from farther and farther! But this also makes us sometimes disregard their situation then, cause it's a personal phone and it's become the norm anyway.

*Norm is the researchers' abbreviation to refer to "Normal" behavior. We have, with the widespread usage of mobile phones, made rude behavior normal.*

Facebook ...don't even get me started on that!

We don't have to strictly stick to our schedules anymore as we can always call and cancel at the last minute. Some are more polite "Can I confirm by tonight?" for tomorrow's plan, made a week ago.

We can always be connected. The possibility of which has made us more fragmented than ever. 

We wish, we celebrate, we even make love over the phones. 

We can do so much. We can.

I do. Too.

I have a fairly fancy smartphone. I have numerous apps that assist my everyday living. I claim in makes life so much easier for me. I give a lot of these apps more access to my information than the logically require to function normally. I tell myself that it's a fair trade-off, for how they help me.

The question should be, is it worth it?

I am not contesting the usefulness of smartphones. No. I accept they are extremely useful.

I am contesting their importance in our lives.

Do they have to be so essential that their absence can incapacitate us?

That's exactly what I want to find out.

Despite my philosophical approach to it all, I do depend on my phone quite a bit. I'm constantly taking pictures, even rearranging food to make it look pretty before clicking it, and texting all the time, GPS, my apps and so on. I'm not as addicted as many (my dad for instance ;) ) but I do feel the need for, rather than just want it.

So now, I have decided to DO something that many hypothesize: We should just turn off our phones and find out how it is. 

I'm going to do it, and find out what about just the idea of living without a handphone makes your friends go: "Are you, alright sweetie?" "Did something happen?" "Is someone stalking you?" and your acquaintances just simply go: "Are you crazy?"

Why does the simple act of living without a handphone seem like such an extreme decision? 

I shall switch off my phone for 15 days and find out :) And you're welcome to my answers.