Another movie review for you :P ( Warning : Contains spoilers )

This is a half hour film in Japanese about an aspiring cartoonist and a young painter girl ... their first 'encounter' is in the middle of a very-Tokyo-like 4 road crossing, Yao - the hero bumps into her in his cycle and is caught by the tears he sees in her eyes. Later that day, he sees a wall painted with a beautiful unending road on a sunny day.

She (name dunno) had just had a break up which lasted 4 seconds after a 3 yr relationship ... The next day, he sees the same road (wall) again, this time she's in the room, making it cloudy and gloomy. he leaves her a cartoon of her with tears streaming ... that leaves her intrigued.

Over the course of the next few days, he leaves cartoons of her in gradually lighter moods, and the wall becomes sunnier :)

He always tries to dodge her, and succeeds , most of the time, rest of the movie, and the other 2 parts ( I'm guessing) is about what happens next ...

Its a beautiful movie, very simple, but with a range of emotions put forward in an amazingly straightforward way . Try it ...

Things that feel good :P

Yesterday, my grandma decided to wash all the bed linen and change them ... I don't mind the linen being changed, but the sheet I use to cover myself is always the same one. Last night it was still wet and obviously I couldn't use it. I had a replacement for the night, it was ok.
In the morning, I went and hugged my own sheet, and boy that felt so good ! A little warm from the sun, just the right temperature, and smelling cleaner now :P
So, now I'm gonna make a list of all the things that feel really good :)
Continuing in the same genre, Pinky, my pillow is next, its been with me for ever so long and its so comfortable. Just the right amount of squishy, to give the perfect hug. And she holds a lot of tears and secret happiness. Brave weapon of many a pillow fight. Always there for me. Go pinky !
Next up is probably something you're familiar with, A hug :) . Doesn't it already bring a smile to your face ? It does to mine :P . Well hugs are the simplest things you could give someone and make them feel so much better. The giver and the receiver gain so much. Its the simplest form of expressing affection. And yes, it feels so good ! You feel safe, and you know some one's there for you, and for atleast just that moment, you're not alone in carrying your burdens.
The next TTFG (Thing that feels good ) is my dad's shirt sleeve. Yeah, you read it right ... heh. I do hold hands and walk, but mostly either because he's holding soomething else or the sleeve is just more unobstrusive, I hold his sleeve while walking. I can be as distracted as I please and I know if I just hold on, I won't lose my way :)
My contacts are up next, they feel so good, I don't even feel them most of the time. I realize its true worth only when I have to wear my glasses which are right on my nose ( a liitle hard to miss)
Ever woken up an early winter morning to realize that you've still got time to sleep and the climate is so damn good to snuggle in, yup, thats the next TTFG. That cozy warmth of the bed on a cool morning.
The next TTFG is lying on a green grassy field and feeling the rain on your face ... thats when you know with absolute certainity how heaven could feel like , were it real.
The last TTFG which I'm gonna write about today is the feeling of wet feet with sand beneath them at the sea shore, the slow waves going to and fro, and the breeze ... :) Peace on earth.

wait wait wait ! How could I forget the baby's palm and feet ! God they're the best :) The softest, purest, cutest, sweetest .....ok ok I'm getting carried away here.
Think about your list, mine helped me realize how rich my life is :)

Sinking in the sand ...

I went to the beach yesterday , with my dad .

We go there together sometimes .... for corn, peanuts, the sea, the big sky but most importatly to spend some time with each other.

Last night I stood by the shore, the place where water meets land ... cool breeze surrounding everything around and an occasional wave wetting my legs. Every time water came to where my leg was, my foot sank a bit and a moved away to more level sand. But each time the wave came came back, it pulled me down again. I was wondering if I would sink completely if I stood at the same spot at the rate the waves were determined to pull me down.

I decided to stay on the same spot, worst comes, my dad will save me :)

Then the strangest thing happened, I did go down a bit, my foot surrounded by sand, but it was hardly a few millimetres. After that, I just stood firm, and the waves could no more push me around like they did when I kept jumping about searching for "level sand".

Most of you have probably been to the seashore at some point or the other, and have experienced this, and most likely you're thinking 'hey, thats not strange at all you fool, thats what happens'

The strange part was what I realized ... Think about it this way, you are you, the sand is your parents and the waves represents life. Each time they try to guide us or tell us what to do, we think they're stopping us from experiencing life fully and try to run away where they can't catch us ... or so we think.What we end up doing is go to a place where we are just more vulnerable to life's many assaults. But we don't realize is, all they're trying to do is give us a firm footing, a firm hold of reality so we can face what life throws at us as much stronger individuals. Thank God they don't give up on us that easily!

So, give them a chance, and I tell you from experience that you'll get your firm footing, and become a much stronger person.

Besides, if the waves are too strong, they're around to hold your hand and give you support, tell you from afar that you'll be fine - when they know you can do it and you still haven't realized it, or drag you away when you're feeling a bit too adventurous and try to take on something you probably can't handle .... Like my dad did yesterday :P

Happy sinking!! You'll find you like the feeling too :)

Juno

[Warning : If you haven't seen the movie, and you're planning to, DO NOT READ THIS. Many spoilers ! ]
I loved the movie :) So you know the stand I'm taking , now I'll validate my point.
The movie is basically about a girl named Juno (16) who becomes pregnant. The good thing about the movie is that they've taken it from a very realistic view point ... no overdramatic parent - child arguments on the issue, the pregnancy itself isn't glossed over or made to appear grossy.
Her past - how she became pregnant is dwelt upon for less than a few minutes in a very matter of fact way. And yeah, she does regret it, but thats not what the movie is about. they move on ..
She finds people to adopt her baby ... A couple who looks really happy ... Figures their marriage isn't that solid really ... Then asks a few life questions before making her final choice ...

Thats the story told very mechanically.

The story relates in a very witty way how a very serious problem could be dealt with effectively such that in the end every one comes off as the winner. I especially liked the part where she looses hope in humanity and still decides to choose the hopeful path. She also decides that its ok for her child to grow up in a family which is less than perfect as long as there is real love involved.

The baby, when first shown isn't the cute wrapped thing they usually show, but the first show it with all the blood and mucous before they show the cuter cleaned up version :P

After the movie, I believe, more strongly than ever before, than some women are born to become mothers and I will find my daughter and love her with all of my heart .

(I realise I haven't gone about expressing all that I wanted to properly, but I think you got the essence of it :P , so ta for now ! )

I'm writing this because I really wanted to talk to somebody ...

Those who care don't seem to be able understand what I'm going through, trying to tell them. Those who understand .... well I'm not sure if they care. And she who understood and cared isn't here with me now.

What do I want to say ? I don't know ... I sometimes wish that someone will just hold me and tell me it'll be ok, and mean it. I wish I knew what'll happen next, where I'll be next. I wish I knew if anyone truly cares enough to trust me completely. If they'll let me follow my heart. I wish I could get across a point without being sarcastic or hurt someone in the process. I wish a hundred other things.

But what I wish most is to be able to handle any situation I am in. Is that too much to ask ?

Am I too self centred and selfish ? Can I make one right decision ?!

What I wanted to say ... I'm shit scared. About what I will have to do next. Will I get in a university? Will I be able to do well there ? I ... the hostel, the guys, new friends, different place, far from home, different curriculum, whole new set of expectation.... will I stay in touch with my old friends ? I'm scared.

I'm scared I'll mess up everything everywhere. My relationships now, my exams that are coming and any chance of getting into a good university. Infact , I seem to have gotten a head start in that.

My anger is close to the surface. I just wanna scream and yell. I want to cry. I'm scared ...

Those dolls

You know... everytime I think "from now on, nothing can matter anymore", and I feel its true . But in months I'm back with some small thing that triggers me off so bad I wish I never had the power to feel. How can a doll someone collected be important when that someone themself isn't here anymore. Apparently, it does matter. Maybe because the little things, inconsequential at one point, are what's left now. The only things u can hang on to ... I can hang on to. Those dolls are ...were almost as old as I am. They were dancing dolls - 2 girls . She danced.

She really liked those dolls...

The ultimate end ...

What really is life or death ?

One day .... long ago , I made a list of the top five ways which I would prefer dying in. Now that list and a whole lot of other things make no sense . I might be living this life, but I definitely don't have much control in it. And without a doubt, I do not control the way I die. No one does. Even those who suicide.

What is death ? Is it painful ? How does if feel inside ? Is it scary ? Does one abruptly stop living, or is the transition slower ... like falling in water ? Where does one go after they are dead ? Is it a nice place ?

I want to write so much more ... anything at all . Anything that will take my mind of this . I used to be able to write what I felt . I haven't written anything for than 7 months now. I haven't felt anything for more than 7 months ... externally - I've been happy, sad, angry, irritated, and the other , so called normal feelings. Internally - I must've died sometime. I can't feel anything anymore. Not like I used to. Not the way one feels when it matters. When anything matters. This kind of death is ..... unnoticed ... like u suddenly notice that you're no more in your body.

When someone dies ... who is it about ? Is it about the person who dies ? Or the prople left behind ?

I know the concept of having a blog is to anounce yourself to the world. But I hope no one reads mine. Why am I still writing you ask ? I just wanted to talk to someone, this way, I can pretend someone's reading while hoping that no one does.

And also hoping ... may be just a bit, maybe a lot more than that ... that I'm not alive.