Flecks of nail polish
Flashes of moods
Long sweeping red curtains
Hanging Chinese charms
Random things in and around
Mixed feelings without a sound
Another movie
Another profile
Another day
Another (?) ... story
Roads I've traversed
What could have been
What should have been
What was
Confused palm
Unknown destiny
Pre-written fate?
I'm standing on a hill top, staring
At the city beneath, lights glaring
How exactly am I faring?
My future, I wonder what its holding
Not Knowing
Saturday, July 28, 2012
I watched a Hindi movie today, after a long time.
Happy ending and all that, but i realized why I started avoiding Indian movies.
I reduced English rom-coms too.
This movie, like most Indian movies and sitcoms seemed to emphasize on the pain that love brings, and relief from that pain as the climax. This concept somehow deeply irritates me. Why does one always have to go through pain, and internal and major external conflict, if they were in love in India? I'm guessing it might be the culture...
Love marriages - yes, they are a whole different category, are a surprising minority in Indian marriages. growing in number, yes. But by breaking through shackles, one by one.
If we were to compare this to politics, then only the 6 major cities have gotten freedom - but the power to govern has still not been given.
Marriages here are determined predominantly by caste, religion, superstitions (and oh, there are truck loads of them - speaking against which would apparently offend God in all sorts of ways), the families' societal status, educational background, gold ... and somewhere towards the very end of the list of gazillion prerequisites for a marriage, in real fine print "liking each other" shows up.
Indian women got their freedom before the American women - did you know? But I think they forgot to send out the flyer, because most people don't seem to know. But that's a whole different story. The point of it that concerns us here is - they're controlled by the family. Or by it (Read "it" - family, community, neighbours, religious division....)'s beliefs.
Finding their life partner themselves isn't an option for most, and for the rest (save 1%) it is a washed out second option, which completely fades out around the time a girl approaches 26, and the guy approaches 30 -32. After which, they're either forced into some loveless knot or for the strong ones who endure it - they face a life time (or till wedding) of random jobless people asking them when and why not, and accusing you of being too picky, or heavy headed or some other negative adjective.
The cinema aspect of this - which is probably also the realistic aspect - of secretly meeting, breaking up because the kundli didn't match, breaking up because they had different faiths - and families would never gel, breaking up because parents found out and get them married to someone else .. wait, all the breaking up happens in real life, but in cinemas, to keep the ratings high - we give them a happy ending at the very end.
The spend all that time fighting obstacles, when do they ever get to know each other?! But wait, India is the land of arranged marriages, where many meet on the day of the wedding (I am not stretching it, trust me) - so they can adjust and make anything work. But what about love?
Love without pain, love that purely makes you happy?
Is it non existent only in Indian Cinema?
Does it exist in real life? I'm not sure about in India... not as far as I have seen it.
Am I being an unrealistic romantic? critic?
Just inexperienced? ;)
Happy ending and all that, but i realized why I started avoiding Indian movies.
I reduced English rom-coms too.
This movie, like most Indian movies and sitcoms seemed to emphasize on the pain that love brings, and relief from that pain as the climax. This concept somehow deeply irritates me. Why does one always have to go through pain, and internal and major external conflict, if they were in love in India? I'm guessing it might be the culture...
Love marriages - yes, they are a whole different category, are a surprising minority in Indian marriages. growing in number, yes. But by breaking through shackles, one by one.
If we were to compare this to politics, then only the 6 major cities have gotten freedom - but the power to govern has still not been given.
Marriages here are determined predominantly by caste, religion, superstitions (and oh, there are truck loads of them - speaking against which would apparently offend God in all sorts of ways), the families' societal status, educational background, gold ... and somewhere towards the very end of the list of gazillion prerequisites for a marriage, in real fine print "liking each other" shows up.
Indian women got their freedom before the American women - did you know? But I think they forgot to send out the flyer, because most people don't seem to know. But that's a whole different story. The point of it that concerns us here is - they're controlled by the family. Or by it (Read "it" - family, community, neighbours, religious division....)'s beliefs.
Finding their life partner themselves isn't an option for most, and for the rest (save 1%) it is a washed out second option, which completely fades out around the time a girl approaches 26, and the guy approaches 30 -32. After which, they're either forced into some loveless knot or for the strong ones who endure it - they face a life time (or till wedding) of random jobless people asking them when and why not, and accusing you of being too picky, or heavy headed or some other negative adjective.
The cinema aspect of this - which is probably also the realistic aspect - of secretly meeting, breaking up because the kundli didn't match, breaking up because they had different faiths - and families would never gel, breaking up because parents found out and get them married to someone else .. wait, all the breaking up happens in real life, but in cinemas, to keep the ratings high - we give them a happy ending at the very end.
The spend all that time fighting obstacles, when do they ever get to know each other?! But wait, India is the land of arranged marriages, where many meet on the day of the wedding (I am not stretching it, trust me) - so they can adjust and make anything work. But what about love?
Love without pain, love that purely makes you happy?
Is it non existent only in Indian Cinema?
Does it exist in real life? I'm not sure about in India... not as far as I have seen it.
Am I being an unrealistic romantic? critic?
Just inexperienced? ;)
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Have you watched a movie and wished it happened to you?
Have you randomly day dreamt that this perfect guy comes along, with a cheesy one liner, and you give the wittiest reply, and hit it off completely?
I have. Tons and tons of times! It's sometimes when I'm reading at a mall, or sometimes, when I'm walking nonchalantly in the park.
Today it happened to me.
I was walking along, looking for a store to buy something. Head phones plugged in, and my hair roughly pulled in a knotted bundle, so all the straight strands fell like a fountain from it. I was navigating my way along the side walk, when this guy sitting on a bike grinned at me.
He was sitting pillion, behind this other guy was wearing almost complete formals (grey shirt and black pants). This guy was dressed, and looked more or less like a DJ. Black tee with white stripes... longish face with a French beard, an iPhone with the head phones wound around it.
Since there was a bit of traffic, I was soon ahead of them, and quickened my pace to keep it that way. I had to take a turn, and get on the road to pass some barricades, when they their bike stopped bang in front of me.
"What's your name?" He asked.
Since my mommy taught me never to speak to strangers, I answered with a "Why?", while trying to see if I can just walk past. I took a step forward, which landed me right next to him.
"I like your attitude, so I wanna know:"
What you can make out from a girl walking, I know not. I wasn't even wearing a tee shirt that screamed 'I'm a bit crazy, but that's why I RULE!' - no, that was yesterday! I'm pretty sure he was fishing for my number, with the number of times he looked at my phone, which I had temporarily taken out of my pocket, to pause the music.
I looked confused, the expected expression: offended and slightly in a hurry as I replied with a
"Thank you... I guess" and walked away quickly.
They passed me in a second, and the guy was still smiling at me like a friend he knew, and waved, as they drove away.
This is definitely not how it ends in my dreams!
But it got me thinking of all the times I've averted my gaze if I found someone looking.
I am not sure if I believe in fate, or in the soul mate concept - but what if, just what IF that were true, and I had just walked past without introducing myself, because of my - ironically - attitude?
Attitude ...or belief that I can't just randomly pick up a conversation with a stranger I meet on the road! Why is finding that someone so difficult? I wish we were born into this world as memory cards. Pairs predetermined, you take one look and you know that's the one you're with. Sigh.
Next time someone stops me, would I tell him me name?
I wonder....Hmmm.... Would you?
Have you randomly day dreamt that this perfect guy comes along, with a cheesy one liner, and you give the wittiest reply, and hit it off completely?
I have. Tons and tons of times! It's sometimes when I'm reading at a mall, or sometimes, when I'm walking nonchalantly in the park.
Today it happened to me.
I was walking along, looking for a store to buy something. Head phones plugged in, and my hair roughly pulled in a knotted bundle, so all the straight strands fell like a fountain from it. I was navigating my way along the side walk, when this guy sitting on a bike grinned at me.
He was sitting pillion, behind this other guy was wearing almost complete formals (grey shirt and black pants). This guy was dressed, and looked more or less like a DJ. Black tee with white stripes... longish face with a French beard, an iPhone with the head phones wound around it.
Since there was a bit of traffic, I was soon ahead of them, and quickened my pace to keep it that way. I had to take a turn, and get on the road to pass some barricades, when they their bike stopped bang in front of me.
"What's your name?" He asked.
Since my mommy taught me never to speak to strangers, I answered with a "Why?", while trying to see if I can just walk past. I took a step forward, which landed me right next to him.
"I like your attitude, so I wanna know:"
What you can make out from a girl walking, I know not. I wasn't even wearing a tee shirt that screamed 'I'm a bit crazy, but that's why I RULE!' - no, that was yesterday! I'm pretty sure he was fishing for my number, with the number of times he looked at my phone, which I had temporarily taken out of my pocket, to pause the music.
I looked confused, the expected expression: offended and slightly in a hurry as I replied with a
"Thank you... I guess" and walked away quickly.
They passed me in a second, and the guy was still smiling at me like a friend he knew, and waved, as they drove away.
This is definitely not how it ends in my dreams!
But it got me thinking of all the times I've averted my gaze if I found someone looking.
I am not sure if I believe in fate, or in the soul mate concept - but what if, just what IF that were true, and I had just walked past without introducing myself, because of my - ironically - attitude?
Attitude ...or belief that I can't just randomly pick up a conversation with a stranger I meet on the road! Why is finding that someone so difficult? I wish we were born into this world as memory cards. Pairs predetermined, you take one look and you know that's the one you're with. Sigh.
Next time someone stops me, would I tell him me name?
I wonder....Hmmm.... Would you?
Friday, July 20, 2012
Yes yes yes ! I've seen it :D
Oh, I had such an amazing day on the whole, that I have to make a weblog-gy post.
[I'll tell you when my spoilers for the movie start, so post that point, please read AFTER you've seen the movie!]
So my day started early today, with my dad waking me for some work at the bank. We got it done pretty quickly, and I opted to walk the short distance back home, so he could go straight to work from there. As luck would have it, my footwear bonked out on me, but as real luck would have it, it did so 5 steps away from a cobbler. Since I had my music, plenty of time and the climate was pleasant, I had absolutely no issues waiting around for him to repair my shoes.
So there I was, standing along the side walk and watching the traffic. Right about then, a guy in a scooter who crossed the road, and drove straight up the side walk. It took ALL my willpower to not laugh at his expression. Though he looked a lot awkward, it turned out that he had intentionally driven up there, so he could wait for someone. Since he was pretty cute, I wasn't complaining ;)
Then I got more lucky, an old school friend happened to cross by, and we caught up quickly. Soon after, someone who recognized me, and knew my mom stopped by to talk to me. She was sweet crinkly old lady, who waited with me till he was done. We walked a small distance together, before we went our separate ways.
With that pleasant start, I got home, and was soon getting ready for the super combo : Tuna Sub + The Dark Knight Rises.
I'm gonna rewind by 3 days here
17th July 2012
Toing toing toing
18th July 2012
On the down side, Anne Hathaway's costume looked too much like a cat woman wanna be. I know she's a cat burglar and all, but c'mon, a little bit more creativity wouldn't kill ya! Another thing that I did not get was the way they tossed around that nuclear reactor turned bomb. I am not very strong in physics, so honestly telly me, wouldn't rattling that thing around set it off? o.o
Another big set back was how the tore apart Bono's gruffness with sentimentality in the end. It was like you suddenly realize that the dragon you were both in awe of and scared of, was in fact a lizard's shadow.
And lastly, the most comedic part of the movie was Marion Cottilard (As Miranda Tate/ Talia)'s death. She went like how cartoon characters die. Talk talk talk - punch dialogue, then toduk, neck falls, and she's dead.
Oh, I had such an amazing day on the whole, that I have to make a weblog-gy post.
[I'll tell you when my spoilers for the movie start, so post that point, please read AFTER you've seen the movie!]
So my day started early today, with my dad waking me for some work at the bank. We got it done pretty quickly, and I opted to walk the short distance back home, so he could go straight to work from there. As luck would have it, my footwear bonked out on me, but as real luck would have it, it did so 5 steps away from a cobbler. Since I had my music, plenty of time and the climate was pleasant, I had absolutely no issues waiting around for him to repair my shoes.
So there I was, standing along the side walk and watching the traffic. Right about then, a guy in a scooter who crossed the road, and drove straight up the side walk. It took ALL my willpower to not laugh at his expression. Though he looked a lot awkward, it turned out that he had intentionally driven up there, so he could wait for someone. Since he was pretty cute, I wasn't complaining ;)
Then I got more lucky, an old school friend happened to cross by, and we caught up quickly. Soon after, someone who recognized me, and knew my mom stopped by to talk to me. She was sweet crinkly old lady, who waited with me till he was done. We walked a small distance together, before we went our separate ways.
With that pleasant start, I got home, and was soon getting ready for the super combo : Tuna Sub + The Dark Knight Rises.
I'm gonna rewind by 3 days here
17th July 2012
Toing toing toing
me: u have col on Friday ?
yup
:)
zoo: ya i do
why is it a govt holiday"
10:31 PM i have on sat also :(
depression already setting in
me: no, dark night rises is releasing
I wanna see first day first show :P
zoo: waaahhh dont remind me :(
oo lol naice!
me: bunk na
hehe
zoo: ive never seen anything first day first show
!
me: me too !!
zoo: u should book now or u wont get tickets
o no ur tempting me to bunk...
10:32 PM but will we get tickets?
me: one day earlier na
will go to skywalk on thurday
zoo: u might not get
me: if I get tickets, u'll bunk ?
zoo: ... temptation!!!
me: it may not be in cinemas for a month after
zoo: waaaah dont depress meeee
10:33 PM but if i start fasting on fri!?
aiggo
il bunk?
coll io mean
me: you still dont know ?
zoo: i*
me: yesh yesh !
zoo: nah it depends on whether they site the moon
me: ooh...
zoo: but i dont wanna ditch u off
me: u'll know by thurday morn ?
zoo: im cool with bunkin :p
10:34 PM me: :D
yaayy !
zoo: wait il ask my mo
hold on
me: okie :)
zoo: ok so dad said 98% its on sat only
ottoke?
10:35 PM me: lets do it !
iif we get tickets
zoo: but if that 10% happens?
me: 2 % na
zoo: lol yea getting tickets will also be super difficult
me: its a friday
and eng movie
zoo: you prob have to book wed late night
like 2 am typees
10:36 PM yaa but since its batman
itll get sold pout!
out*
me: o.o
I dont know online mooking
dont have credit card so
zoo: ok il try wed nght!
me: oka...
zoo: if by 1 am or so i can book il get
me: but isn't it 24 hours prior ?
zoo: otherwise ul have to run to skywalk :D
10:37 PM me: yush !
zoo: lol yay excitement :D
me: 10 AM, I'll be there by 9.45 :P
zoo: sooper :Dme: happiness :D
18th July 2012
Me: Hey, so you’re gonna try booking tonight midnight, and if u get tickets, leave a text, or I’ll go get it tomo morning.
Zoo: Call!
Miki: Hey, what you up to?
Me: Plotting perfect method to ensure we get FDFS Dark Knight tickets.
She calls me, and goes ever so slowly,
Miki: Umm…. Bookings have already opened, my bro just booked his tickets for Saturday. Friday tickets are almost all sold out.
Me: Whhaaaa~aaatttt!!!
What ensued was a series of screeches and exclamations, conference calls, series of website checking, and contingency actions. At the end of which we had it. 2 tickets to one of the top rows, right at the center seats of the first day second show of The Dark Knight Rises!
It was on a Friday, and at 2: 30 PM, so obviously a Tuna sub (Sub of the day :D ) was gonna be the lunch plan!
19th July 2012
With just one day to go, the logical thing to do is to watch The Dark Knight. It was done meticulously.
Annnnnddd all set!
So back to today :)
20th July 2012
1: 10 PM: Pick up Zoo on the way to Subway
1: 15 PM: Start the Tuna ordering process
1: 24 PM: Tuna subs in our hand, and 21 minutes to eat it. We had to leave at 1:45, as we didn't know the way to the cinema.
This is something that subway fans probably already know, but I'm repeating it just in case;
Never go to Subway on your first date! In fact, don't go there on your first 5 dates ;)
Go there with friends who will happily laugh at your face,
Always get extra tissue with tuna subs
And for those unfortunate times with the tuna escapes the confines of your sub, they have folks at the counter - so you can scoop it up without losing too much of your decency - unlike trying to lick it off the paper, though you may be very very tempted to do so!
In spite of the technical difficulties, we finished in the stipulated time!
1:50 PM: Zoo's phone started talking. GPS navigation system!
It was the first time I was using one, and apart from the interesting statements she/it used, it was totally useless (Sorry Zoo :P ) We went all over the place! And finally found the cinema by good old fashioned asking for directions.Hehe.
The place looked like it was international men's day. There were a total of about 9 girls there. (Don't tell my dad!) Did we regret it? Till the titles, totally! After it... FIRST DAY SHOWS ARE THE BEST !!!!!
---------
Spoiler Alert: WATCH THE MOVIE BEFORE CONTINUING!!!
If you weren't planning on watching it though, please change your mind, and go watch it!
So I'm gonna keep it Brief!
Best. Movie. EVER!
In a little bit more detail, and in no particular order, as my head is bubbling from the movie's awesomeness!
It was more like the best ending ever. Which by itself is a big big give away.
My first pleasant surprise was that Anne Hathaway was in it. I've always liked her,
Its also a definite definite plus that Batman finally gets a girl. I don't know if he'll get to keep her, but for once he got a girl.
As someone who read the comics too long ago, and watched bits of the cartoon, and has forgotten both of it, I was soo soo glad tha no one important died. I almost thought Fox would!
Annnnddddd, Robin is finally here! I'm so looking forward to the next movie, where it'll be Batman and Robin!
Now that the gushing is over, my proper critique of the movie.
Another big set back was how the tore apart Bono's gruffness with sentimentality in the end. It was like you suddenly realize that the dragon you were both in awe of and scared of, was in fact a lizard's shadow.
And lastly, the most comedic part of the movie was Marion Cottilard (As Miranda Tate/ Talia)'s death. She went like how cartoon characters die. Talk talk talk - punch dialogue, then toduk, neck falls, and she's dead.
That said, I liked this movie. Definitely. Christopher Nolan has not let us down one bit. The tone was interestingly different. And at many places, I felt like it was very similar to other super hero movies, though this movie didn't feel so much as a super hero movie by itself. And at some others, it felt like a detective theme.
On the whole though, it was more a platform where Bruce Wayne finally finds the balanced Batman. That's the Dark Knight who rises.
Till now, he had anger and a strange sense of owing - probably for his father, as a motif to be Batman and Rachel as a motif to not be Batman. But he finally did not have extremes pulling at him anymore. Rachel's dead, and he gave his everything to save Gotham City. So the Batman hence forth will be completely Bruce Wayne's Batman, with (hopefully) no self destructive tendencies. Which was beautifully depicted with him literally being trained to fear death again.
This movie divided its focus between him attaining that balance and the making of soon to be very important - one of the best super hero side kicks ever - ROBIN! Which when we finally realize it's him, you cannot help but grin happily.
Somethings I did not understand why were - Why did Bruce Wayne have to be killed off, and his property divided? Wasn't it just Batman who needed a fresh start?
And why oh why oh why are Americans so in love with the idea of destroying entire cities?! Avengers, Transformers ... most super hero movies have a major bulk of cities being brutally ripped apart, with thousands dying - but all the important characters and one sentiment inducing school bus or an old age couple barely surviving. If there is a logic behind that, please let me know!
So that's how it was. A very very very satisfying ending, where both Zoo and I couldn't help but keep grinning. I loved that Alfred got to be pleasantly surprised, and all his patient waiting finally bore fruit!
Now I shall patiently wait for the next edition of Batman... and...wait for it! Robin!
So that's how my day was :)
We've already made plans to watch it again on the big screen!
Hope you had a great day as well !
Cheers *.*
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
That's Korean for 'my my my heart bursts'
It's lyrics from the song, I was listening to the wind rustling and happily calmly compiling a rhymey baby poem about stuff I liked. Of course I mentioned rain and thunder and all that.
All the while, I heard the transition from the soft breeze to the stronger rustles to the soft thunder, slow drizzle and the rain. Natures song and poetry, some of the best compositions I've ever heard.
When I find my self almost mentioning rain for the third time, I couldn't resist. I had to go out, at least for a moment and see it...feel it...hear it...smell it from up close. And that's when nae kasumi taeg !
Absolutely love this feeling :)
Hope you have many heart bursting moments too!
P.S: The song is called Jaywalking, and it is a drama O.S.T sung by Sung Joon. Lyrics below!
“Jaywalking”
It's lyrics from the song, I was listening to the wind rustling and happily calmly compiling a rhymey baby poem about stuff I liked. Of course I mentioned rain and thunder and all that.
When I find my self almost mentioning rain for the third time, I couldn't resist. I had to go out, at least for a moment and see it...feel it...hear it...smell it from up close. And that's when nae kasumi taeg !
Absolutely love this feeling :)
Hope you have many heart bursting moments too!
P.S: The song is called Jaywalking, and it is a drama O.S.T sung by Sung Joon. Lyrics below!
“Jaywalking”
| The moment I first see you, you turn my head, time stops Right now, I can’t even see if the light’s green or red I don’t need anything My heart just heads toward you Oh, my love I run blindly ahead and hold you Just as I am, like this I run without fear and hold you When I see you, so beautiful, my, my, my heart goes thud | |
I don’t care about rules, what anyone says, or whoever blocks me Even if I collapse or shed tears, I’ve only got one path I don’t need anything My heart just heads toward you Oh, my love I run blindly ahead and hold you Just as I am, like this I run without fear and hold you When I see you, so beautiful, my, my, my heart goes thud My heart goes thud My heart goes thud My heart goes thud My heart goes thud |
Violin in the woods
The calming sound of thunder.
Rustling of leaves and sticks that sunder
People's smiles that light up their faces
Laughter that can light up places
Waking up, feeling fuzzy, towards the end of a happy dream
Finding true happiness in a cone of ice cream
Smelling upcoming rain
Making it just in time for a train
Someone you like smiling at you
Wondering if they feel it too
A friend finding you in crowd
Making someone proud
Waking up to a happy text
Expecting a queue, but you're next
Knowing someone trusts you
Finding out that what you thought of as a lie was in fact true
A dimple
A crinkle
Almond cake with chocolate icing
Your favourite brand with on-sale pricing
Having a crush
Song of the wood thrush
Finding someone to talk to about your unique hobby
Spending a conference time at the hotel lobby
Soul searching eyes
Burger and French fries
A favourite novel, comfy chair, and hot chocolate :)
Memories of once pretending to be a pirate
The perfect date
Sleeping late
That moment when your celebrity crush first appears in the movie and you can't stop grinning
When you get off the merry go round, and your head was still spinning
Learning to ride a bicycle, and hitting a fence
Getting your driver's licence
Using chopsticks for the first time, and the food almost reaches your mouth, before crashing down
And the laughter after, in which all embarrassment drowns
Wearing eye liner for the first time
And now, I think I'll stop trying to rhyme :)
I was reading one of those random pictures in face book that are essentially texts. This one read "When you look at your crush, and he smiles at you". I remembered that feeling. Nice feeling isn't it? When suddenly every one else in the room is non existent for that one moment.
I happened to be talking to a friend, and we both keep telling each other that we should have slept earlier every morning, but it seems to be mission impossible. It's these little things in life that makes life super fun. When normalcy is being defied. or when small normal things get to you completely.
I almost wrote about a certain night, an empty road, stars above, a tree climbed and a patient bike.
Wrote half a paragraph and deleted it. Because some memories are more precious right where they are now :)
Rustling of leaves and sticks that sunder
People's smiles that light up their faces
Laughter that can light up places
Waking up, feeling fuzzy, towards the end of a happy dream
Finding true happiness in a cone of ice cream
Smelling upcoming rain
Making it just in time for a train
Someone you like smiling at you
Wondering if they feel it too
A friend finding you in crowd
Making someone proud
Waking up to a happy text
Expecting a queue, but you're next
Knowing someone trusts you
Finding out that what you thought of as a lie was in fact true
A dimple
A crinkle
Almond cake with chocolate icing
Your favourite brand with on-sale pricing
Having a crush
Song of the wood thrush
Finding someone to talk to about your unique hobby
Spending a conference time at the hotel lobby
Soul searching eyes
Burger and French fries
A favourite novel, comfy chair, and hot chocolate :)
Memories of once pretending to be a pirate
The perfect date
Sleeping late
That moment when your celebrity crush first appears in the movie and you can't stop grinning
When you get off the merry go round, and your head was still spinning
Learning to ride a bicycle, and hitting a fence
Getting your driver's licence
Using chopsticks for the first time, and the food almost reaches your mouth, before crashing down
And the laughter after, in which all embarrassment drowns
Wearing eye liner for the first time
And now, I think I'll stop trying to rhyme :)
I was reading one of those random pictures in face book that are essentially texts. This one read "When you look at your crush, and he smiles at you". I remembered that feeling. Nice feeling isn't it? When suddenly every one else in the room is non existent for that one moment.
I happened to be talking to a friend, and we both keep telling each other that we should have slept earlier every morning, but it seems to be mission impossible. It's these little things in life that makes life super fun. When normalcy is being defied. or when small normal things get to you completely.
I almost wrote about a certain night, an empty road, stars above, a tree climbed and a patient bike.
Wrote half a paragraph and deleted it. Because some memories are more precious right where they are now :)
Sunday, July 15, 2012
I had a dream last night. One of those vivid dreams that you can remember even intricate details such as scents from.
In my dream,
I was engaged to be married in a couple of days. When the dream started, I didn't know who it was. I hadn't met the man. It was completely an arranged by family affair.
So it started with me finding out, and setting out to see him for the first time. We met at some sort of a huge ground, it was night time, but there was some event going on there. Our conversation was like how two strangers would talk, when they suddenly find out that they are to be wed to each other in a couple of days. We politely tried to get to know each other.
It felt like a long walk, from the ...car park (?) to the area where people were seated. When we were almost there, he said he had a gift for me. At that point, I knew I was wearing my pink watch, and he pulled out that exact same watch from his backpack. He noticed that I already had the same one, and was quite disappointed. [As dream logic tends to get a bit hazy at times, I'm not exactly sure what happened immediately] There was a similar indigo watch, but he couldn't keep the pink. [I'm not sure if we parted amicably or not]
The next day was the day of the wedding. I was getting ready. When I was half way made up, I decided to give him a call. I think there was about ten minutes to go for the wedding. He picked up, and our conversation went something like: (me starting off with)
"hello"
"hello"
"Um..so...."
"You felt it too right? The not feeling it part ..."
"Uh huh. So this is it then?"
"I knew you'd understand"
"Yeah... okay bye"
"Bye"
I knew then that the wedding had to be called off, and informed my dad. My dad helped me..us(?) out by informing the guests. The guests were seated in a circular altar of sorts. When I was reasonably sure that most of them had left, I went to look. I saw everyone leave, the place where I was supposed to be married at, and I didn't feel even the slightest bit of regret or remorse.
After a certain amount of time had passed, we were talking on the phone again. Then, I asked him why? What was his reason. And among obvious things such as 'we hardly know each other' he also mentioned that he did not have enough patience to handle me, matter of factly.
Towards the end of the dream, I met him somewhere else, at a common friend's place, and I remember feeling .. a comfort level. A connection that was more because we shared an experience at some point than love. And I felt sorry that that was gone.
My dream ended thus, and morning came.
I am watching a drama right now. I had finished 2 out of 16 episodes, and I declared to my friend that I loved beagle (A name we had given a character). To his credit, that guy was intense, and one of the most unique character portrayals I had seen in a while.
At the end of episode 2, he meets with an accident. Since my friend is watching the same drama too, I bugged her to tell me if or not he dies, as I wasn't able to get back to the drama till late evening. She finally gave in and told me that he did. He dies. I was devastated. I loved that character, and couldn't understand why someone would create such an awesomely unique character, and kill him off in 2 episodes! I was sad to the extent that I was sure I would not like the drama hence forth, and even toyed with the idea of discontinuing it.
My friend assured me that it gets better again, even without him. I took her word for it, and now I'm well into the drama, and busy rooting for another guy to get Beagle's muse! How fickle of me right?!
Do we all move on so quickly, and adjust to life without what isn't so fast? or is my specially developed talent?!
I am slightly worried.
I recently met a guy, who was in love with a girl 5 years ago, and still likes her. He's not waiting for her, or pining after her. He has accepted the fact that she doesn't love him. But he still cares for her, and he hasn't gotten into any relationship in the past 5 years, because of her.
Me? 3 months is the longest I've felt for a person, or felt sad or anything related ..after a break up. Or end of a one side crush.
That said, when it comes to relationship, I react in extremes. When I like someone, I get over committed, if there is such a thing! And scare the guy away. Then happily get over him in no time. And I haven't been able to find the middle ground yet.Which I'll not know for sure, till I try, I know.
The guys who have liked me are the ones I've been cold to. I'm that way with most people, till they find out (because or not because of me) that I like them. I seem to be going with this relationship push and pull like a tug of war game, either pull with all I've got, or let go and walk away.
All that aside, why is it so easy to move on with life without someone who was once integral in helping you live it? And why on earth am I so exceptionally good at it ?!? Is it just me?
In my dream,
I was engaged to be married in a couple of days. When the dream started, I didn't know who it was. I hadn't met the man. It was completely an arranged by family affair.
So it started with me finding out, and setting out to see him for the first time. We met at some sort of a huge ground, it was night time, but there was some event going on there. Our conversation was like how two strangers would talk, when they suddenly find out that they are to be wed to each other in a couple of days. We politely tried to get to know each other.
It felt like a long walk, from the ...car park (?) to the area where people were seated. When we were almost there, he said he had a gift for me. At that point, I knew I was wearing my pink watch, and he pulled out that exact same watch from his backpack. He noticed that I already had the same one, and was quite disappointed. [As dream logic tends to get a bit hazy at times, I'm not exactly sure what happened immediately] There was a similar indigo watch, but he couldn't keep the pink. [I'm not sure if we parted amicably or not]
The next day was the day of the wedding. I was getting ready. When I was half way made up, I decided to give him a call. I think there was about ten minutes to go for the wedding. He picked up, and our conversation went something like: (me starting off with)
"hello"
"hello"
"Um..so...."
"You felt it too right? The not feeling it part ..."
"Uh huh. So this is it then?"
"I knew you'd understand"
"Yeah... okay bye"
"Bye"
I knew then that the wedding had to be called off, and informed my dad. My dad helped me..us(?) out by informing the guests. The guests were seated in a circular altar of sorts. When I was reasonably sure that most of them had left, I went to look. I saw everyone leave, the place where I was supposed to be married at, and I didn't feel even the slightest bit of regret or remorse.
After a certain amount of time had passed, we were talking on the phone again. Then, I asked him why? What was his reason. And among obvious things such as 'we hardly know each other' he also mentioned that he did not have enough patience to handle me, matter of factly.
Towards the end of the dream, I met him somewhere else, at a common friend's place, and I remember feeling .. a comfort level. A connection that was more because we shared an experience at some point than love. And I felt sorry that that was gone.
My dream ended thus, and morning came.
I am watching a drama right now. I had finished 2 out of 16 episodes, and I declared to my friend that I loved beagle (A name we had given a character). To his credit, that guy was intense, and one of the most unique character portrayals I had seen in a while.
At the end of episode 2, he meets with an accident. Since my friend is watching the same drama too, I bugged her to tell me if or not he dies, as I wasn't able to get back to the drama till late evening. She finally gave in and told me that he did. He dies. I was devastated. I loved that character, and couldn't understand why someone would create such an awesomely unique character, and kill him off in 2 episodes! I was sad to the extent that I was sure I would not like the drama hence forth, and even toyed with the idea of discontinuing it.
My friend assured me that it gets better again, even without him. I took her word for it, and now I'm well into the drama, and busy rooting for another guy to get Beagle's muse! How fickle of me right?!
Do we all move on so quickly, and adjust to life without what isn't so fast? or is my specially developed talent?!
I am slightly worried.
I recently met a guy, who was in love with a girl 5 years ago, and still likes her. He's not waiting for her, or pining after her. He has accepted the fact that she doesn't love him. But he still cares for her, and he hasn't gotten into any relationship in the past 5 years, because of her.
Me? 3 months is the longest I've felt for a person, or felt sad or anything related ..after a break up. Or end of a one side crush.
That said, when it comes to relationship, I react in extremes. When I like someone, I get over committed, if there is such a thing! And scare the guy away. Then happily get over him in no time. And I haven't been able to find the middle ground yet.Which I'll not know for sure, till I try, I know.
The guys who have liked me are the ones I've been cold to. I'm that way with most people, till they find out (because or not because of me) that I like them. I seem to be going with this relationship push and pull like a tug of war game, either pull with all I've got, or let go and walk away.
All that aside, why is it so easy to move on with life without someone who was once integral in helping you live it? And why on earth am I so exceptionally good at it ?!? Is it just me?
Friday, July 13, 2012
I'm not ;)
I wanted to title this inspiration, but Inspired just sounds so much more awesome doesn't it?
I've just been reading blogs, comments, and random stuff... all except writing.
I want to write a story. A story I already know. But I haven't been able to.
What I have been able to, is to learn more about myself.
I am an anonymous writer. In what I write, there is more of characterisation that identities. I've been writing more of "She"s and "Her"s rather than about people with names. That is something I've only just recently started. Or maybe, I have this humongous writer's block for this story because its about real people, and it is for them, with characters named after them. That should make it so much easier na? That is what I thought too! But no, the thing is, I want them to be able to read it as their story... not a writer's story, but more as a book of memories... like looking at a video of yourself.
[After this point I'm just brainstorming and thinking aloud]
So when I look at a video, that someone else has taken of me, I see me there. Not the me I see in my head, but the me that they see..saw...what was. So when I write...no, when I read a book about myself, it should be, again, the me that someone else saw. But since this is a gift, I should do what photographers do to photos before giving it to people. Poetry is the photo-shopping of memories... I think :/
I know what the last statement is going to be; "And they lived happily ever after"
Did you know that J.K.Rowling wrote the last chapters of her last book after she finished the first book? That's probably why it kinda sucked in the end. Though, over the years, she grew as a writer, the tone of the first book matched the tone of the last chapter, without following the flow of the story.
I am very scared that I might do it. I'm very impatient, when I'm blogging, it is usually me figuring out an issue, so I am not so impatient to know the end. But with stories, I tend to predict the ending before I get even the characters fully formed. That's why I've been writing my open ended story lets; to curb my irritating need to know what happens in the end.
So with this story, I do not have that issue, as I already know the full story.
They say a picture can say a thousand words. Sometimes, a thousand pictures can be taken at an instant that can be described with one word. So it is now my task... challenge, to write the remaining words.
Also, there is this whole "he said" and "she said" perspectives. I know the story from her perspective, but the gift is for both of them, so it has got to be from a neutral perspective. So I read between the lines? (more like write...but yunno...!) But that would make it more of fiction, which is not something I am going for at the moment. That would also implicate the restriction of dialogues... and expressions... or maybe not ?
I think I can do it...
I actually started... but the tone was way way off, even to me. And it was too short. Like, I was going for a Ballad song, and ended with one verse of Rap only. Tomorrow I'm going to start afresh.
YUSH !
I was so blocked mentally, that I stayed up late just so I could write that or this at night.
Yunno what I realized? If I ever start writing seriously, I'll officially be turning nocturnal! The nights are awesome :)
I think I figured how I will go about it...
*Her character sketch
*Her dreams of life
Okay... so it has to be focused on her. She leads the story, but he's the hero, so he has an important role to play too.
*How they met
*Them getting to know each other
*The proposal
*The preparations
*The transition
*
Throughout, while writing, I have to keep telling myself to pace it, and not rush it all into one page, just because I know what will happen next! This is brilliant!!! Do you see it? This story is my first step towards redemption from suckdom! I always stop writing, or don't write well when I know what is going to happen next. because it kind of becomes boring in my head at that point. But the objective of writing is not telling a story to myself, it is whom I'm telling the story for!!! So I have to finish it, and keep it as interesting as possible. Otherwise, my reason is already the crown to my reign in suckdom.
So continuing;
*The Challenge
*Corner stones
*The establishment
*Stability
*The year
*Renewal of courtship
(And yeah, if you haven't guessed already, it's a wedding gift! She's too busy now, so I know she won't read this :P )
*The countdown
Yush! I was fiddling with the idea of making the entire story a count down to the wedding, but putting the last 5 days in one chapter makes soooo much more sense! Bloggy, and writing, if you were a person, I'd hug you right now! heck, I'd marry you :*
*Last night as Bachelor/ Bachelor-ette
*And it is finally happening!
(Which will be a series of pictures)
The title ... I'm toying with something fairy-taily or a proper name ...Hmm... that I can decide in a while.
I'm so glad we talked this through :)
Niki Miki, I'm bugging you tomorrow morning for more of this :P
Which reminds me...I have to get 2 blood tests tomorrow ...doom....depression [Don't think about it! Don't think about it! Don't think about it! Don't think about it! Don't think about it!] I'm off now! Will keep you updated on the progress of the story, and come here to rant ;)
Since I'm so happy, I can't help but remark that who ever ends up as my boyfriend will have it so easy with me, all he has to do is hear me through, and we'll be great. Sigh... but those silly boys never realize that sometimes, their attention is all I need. Not their advice. Anyway, bloggy, you're jjang :D
Gu night now !
P.S: Inspired ..I am !
I wanted to title this inspiration, but Inspired just sounds so much more awesome doesn't it?
I've just been reading blogs, comments, and random stuff... all except writing.
I want to write a story. A story I already know. But I haven't been able to.
What I have been able to, is to learn more about myself.
I am an anonymous writer. In what I write, there is more of characterisation that identities. I've been writing more of "She"s and "Her"s rather than about people with names. That is something I've only just recently started. Or maybe, I have this humongous writer's block for this story because its about real people, and it is for them, with characters named after them. That should make it so much easier na? That is what I thought too! But no, the thing is, I want them to be able to read it as their story... not a writer's story, but more as a book of memories... like looking at a video of yourself.
[After this point I'm just brainstorming and thinking aloud]
So when I look at a video, that someone else has taken of me, I see me there. Not the me I see in my head, but the me that they see..saw...what was. So when I write...no, when I read a book about myself, it should be, again, the me that someone else saw. But since this is a gift, I should do what photographers do to photos before giving it to people. Poetry is the photo-shopping of memories... I think :/
I know what the last statement is going to be; "And they lived happily ever after"
Did you know that J.K.Rowling wrote the last chapters of her last book after she finished the first book? That's probably why it kinda sucked in the end. Though, over the years, she grew as a writer, the tone of the first book matched the tone of the last chapter, without following the flow of the story.
I am very scared that I might do it. I'm very impatient, when I'm blogging, it is usually me figuring out an issue, so I am not so impatient to know the end. But with stories, I tend to predict the ending before I get even the characters fully formed. That's why I've been writing my open ended story lets; to curb my irritating need to know what happens in the end.
So with this story, I do not have that issue, as I already know the full story.
They say a picture can say a thousand words. Sometimes, a thousand pictures can be taken at an instant that can be described with one word. So it is now my task... challenge, to write the remaining words.
Also, there is this whole "he said" and "she said" perspectives. I know the story from her perspective, but the gift is for both of them, so it has got to be from a neutral perspective. So I read between the lines? (more like write...but yunno...!) But that would make it more of fiction, which is not something I am going for at the moment. That would also implicate the restriction of dialogues... and expressions... or maybe not ?
I think I can do it...
I actually started... but the tone was way way off, even to me. And it was too short. Like, I was going for a Ballad song, and ended with one verse of Rap only. Tomorrow I'm going to start afresh.
YUSH !
I was so blocked mentally, that I stayed up late just so I could write that or this at night.
Yunno what I realized? If I ever start writing seriously, I'll officially be turning nocturnal! The nights are awesome :)
I think I figured how I will go about it...
*Her character sketch
*Her dreams of life
Okay... so it has to be focused on her. She leads the story, but he's the hero, so he has an important role to play too.
*How they met
*Them getting to know each other
*The proposal
*The preparations
*The transition
*
Throughout, while writing, I have to keep telling myself to pace it, and not rush it all into one page, just because I know what will happen next! This is brilliant!!! Do you see it? This story is my first step towards redemption from suckdom! I always stop writing, or don't write well when I know what is going to happen next. because it kind of becomes boring in my head at that point. But the objective of writing is not telling a story to myself, it is whom I'm telling the story for!!! So I have to finish it, and keep it as interesting as possible. Otherwise, my reason is already the crown to my reign in suckdom.
So continuing;
*The Challenge
*Corner stones
*The establishment
*Stability
*The year
*Renewal of courtship
(And yeah, if you haven't guessed already, it's a wedding gift! She's too busy now, so I know she won't read this :P )
*The countdown
Yush! I was fiddling with the idea of making the entire story a count down to the wedding, but putting the last 5 days in one chapter makes soooo much more sense! Bloggy, and writing, if you were a person, I'd hug you right now! heck, I'd marry you :*
*Last night as Bachelor/ Bachelor-ette
*And it is finally happening!
(Which will be a series of pictures)
The title ... I'm toying with something fairy-taily or a proper name ...Hmm... that I can decide in a while.
I'm so glad we talked this through :)
Niki Miki, I'm bugging you tomorrow morning for more of this :P
Which reminds me...I have to get 2 blood tests tomorrow ...doom....depression [Don't think about it! Don't think about it! Don't think about it! Don't think about it! Don't think about it!] I'm off now! Will keep you updated on the progress of the story, and come here to rant ;)
Since I'm so happy, I can't help but remark that who ever ends up as my boyfriend will have it so easy with me, all he has to do is hear me through, and we'll be great. Sigh... but those silly boys never realize that sometimes, their attention is all I need. Not their advice. Anyway, bloggy, you're jjang :D
Gu night now !
P.S: Inspired ..I am !
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