Over the course of the many texts, which followed a phone slamming, I was called defensive quite a few times.
First time she said it, along with calling me sarcastic, and insincere (because I refused to a sorry, when I wasn't sorry - but apparently should have to seem like a sincere friend) and that I'm someone who loses all her friends after one fight.
Funny thing is, I stopped talking to 1 person. Who, if I remember right, was also very interested in naming people.....'s characteristic, like that defined all of them. And it's not even like I stopped, we went from talking quite a lot to keeping in touch occasionally ...very sporadically. Not the "I hate you, I wont be on the same land as you" type, definitely.
So back then, I remember she was there through that whole phase.
And I completely understand why she might think I completely cut off people after one fight.
In fact, for a while, I thought so too.
But, I'm at a much better place right now. Mentally. Understanding me, my actions, others and their actions wise. At least much better than before.
So her pointing it out made me realize 2 things prominently.
1. I DO NOT cut off people after one fight. Not at all. I've just spent an hour mentally leafing through many of my good friends, and the number of arguments we've had. Some quite serious ones too. It happens in every relationship. I figured that I don't get pissed off easily. I'm quite cool with being pushed around a bit, and making a few compromises, or not making them, and not regretting it. And most of my friends know that where is matters, I'll be there. So since really pissing me off is quite difficult, I don't think it's irrational to say I take a while to get out of it.
(The first statement was more of a joyous proclamation come from surprising realization, rather than a defensive line it might come off as)
So I'm happy to say, that I have not few but a decent number of very good friends, whom I know have traversed rougher terrains with me, and we're still on a happy journey.
(I'm pretty sure, this friend I'm arguing with currently will also be in that list. This is our first ever first in 2 years of being good friends, and 4 years of being friends by the way)
2. Defensiveness. Especially in a fight.
Imagine you're playing football, with a good friend. For the first time ever. Would you start your play with offence or defense? Either doesn't matter, but somehow, personally, I've always felt starting off with defense is a stronger strategy.
a. You can find out how strong your opponent is.
b. You can find out if your opponent has ego issues in losing to you
c. I wouldn't wanna start out too strong, especially with a friend, and be called inconsiderate later on.
Playing defense doesn't always mean we feel weaker. Sometimes, its just as much for your opponent. Be it testing or helping.
So I do always start any argument, stepped back, facts/ views first.
Build as much an equal case as possible.
Somehow, its seen as defensive. That's fine.
But keep throwing "You're being defensive" "Stop being defensive" "Why are you being so defensive" at me, dud, I just might start playing offence, and trust me, I'm damn good at it.
In girl fights, all offence needs is a good memory to pull up parallels, and I can.
trying to keep things clean here, and you're not helping.
Sigh...
But nevertheless, when I feel irritated, I'd rather come here and blog, instead of playing offence pro=actively.
Trust me, I'm itchin', I was a left forward myself. Strong right kick ;)
But playing offence doesn't help. I know. By experience unfortunately.
Wishing I could kick a ball again.
All the football talk has got me all football nostalgic!
Yunno, I'm proud of myself. I'm not so hot headed as before.:D
Guess I'm all grown up now :P
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Hehe :P
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