There was a girl, far away from home. A novice to the strange land she was put in, in more than one way.
She has been there for quite some time... got in and out of many sticky situations. Richer only in terms of experience and a couple of friends... Poorer for all the broken trust, and lost hopes.
She started the last lap, towards the finish line.
She just wanted to get it over with, she thought she was exhausted. Then the new  year started. Too many things happened. Too fast. She found friends. New interests. Grew up a bit. More experience. Then there came in someone who fell in love with her by mistake. Someone she knew it would never work out with in any way. She made it clear to him that nothing is going to happen in that direction. He was a good guy, so she was his friend, and he wanted to be more, he told her that he would deal with that himself. He said he'll learn to let go when she left the place, which wasn't very far away. She couldn't deal with that. People did what they do best when they have nothing worthwhile to do, gossip and spread rumors. She couldn't take it anymore. She she said she wanted to cut it all. She didn't give him much of a say in it.

She's had issues letting go, so she understood what he is probably feeling.
Now she wonders why people can't just control all their emotions , and keep it in check, because it is totally possible and saves a lot of trouble. Why did he have to keep insisting on holding on till the last minute? Some people have to be let go, so that they are near. Otherwise they would just wanna break free and fly. If he had just been ..a friend of someone he thought of as a friend, everything would've been much simpler. Why isn't life simple? So now she wonders if this is it, or is there still space for a friend? Amidst all the societal noise, and interferences.

In this day and age, where trusting someone is becoming one of the most difficult things to do, finding a friend is not an easy task. Finding the right wavelength in the relationship, a much more tedious task. Sustaining it among the societal norms and conditions (which the society itself doesn't follow, and makes up rumors saying other people don't follow it, so that they can say "he started it!" ) and more than anything else, holding your own, holding your values and morals and your individuality within the relationship and everywhere else is becoming a herculean task. So will she be able to do it? Firstly, she would have to clearly establish (again!!) that only the post of a friend is available, no vacancies for anything else. That where she is, is only temporary. Decide what matters in the long run. Priorities.

So here it is ... what I should be facing face to face, instead, I use diplomatic ice cold words in messages, and wonder and ... crumble inside.
What I want to say, I'm still not able to find the right words. But I know now my head is clear, and so is my heart. Me, Daddy's little girl, will make sure that I never hurt my dad, and I'll make him proud of the person he's raised me to be :)

From home ...

Every time I’m home, and the time for me to return to the hostel draws closer, I invariable find myself, telling myself that it will be fine. I can spend more time in the college library and before I know it, it’ll be time for me to return. On the brink of possibly the last return to hostel, I still do the same.

I guess at some level… may be many levels, I have not equipped myself to fully adapt to the chaotic conditions of what actually is “life at a B school”, hence long for the orderliness of the library, or estrange myself completely, and go out a lot.

Now that I am soon to be an employee of a very (proudly) forward and go-getter company, I don’t think I will find too much of an organized environment there either. I’m sure decisions would be made on the fly. Environments- suitable for optimal resource utilization (yeah, all my MBA jargon getting the better of me :P ) But, I would be able to do just fine, as I have been doing for the past 1.66 years (don’t blame  me for the numbers, we follow the trimester system ;)), if I can say so myself.

I think all we need at the end of the day, no matter what life throws at us is to go to some place where we feel at home at. It might be a library, a long walk away from the chaos and for those lucky ones – Home itself. Some place where we are allowed to quietly recharge, tell ourselves that we can do it, and then go back to the chaos when we feel ready … or not.

I’ll be back there day after. I may not go to the library a lot … I may not even come home a lot like I did last trime. But I would always know, that of things become too much for me to handle, there is a place where I can ground myself again J

:D :D :D

I'll be home in 48 hours !!
My exam today rocked, even though I hadn't studied much for it :P
In 24 hours I would be done this entire batch of exams !
Got my whole week ahead, super plans.
Can life get any better !!!!
WWwwoooooweeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!
2010, Here I come !!!!