Those Fluttering Curtains

She looked on ahead

Her eyes focussed on something far away

Farther than where vision extended to

Her expressions made quite a palate

Sadness, fear, doubt, insecurity…

Or may be none of those

As her lips where slightly upturned

Forced?

I couldn’t tell

Hope?

Just a small sliver…

Noticed in the way she desperately clung

Clung to the edges of the curtains, as she looked on

As though they were keeping her locked in

Or keeping her from falling

Maybe a bit of both

It’s scary how one can sometimes easily kill someone they love

Scarier still when you don’t know if you love anyone at all

Being caught between nothing, something and

A possibility of everything

Looking at her long enough,

One could see a bit of resentment

At herself

For what she’d let others treat her as

Regret

Because she always realized it only after the resentment set in

Exhaustion

That was what was most apparent

I smiled to myself at that one

She’s so young

Life hardly begun

And she’s already exhausted

By what I wondered

Can too many little things make one so tired of life itself?

To the point that you only analyse and question everything

Or was it the other way around ?

Did all the analysing and questioning exhaust her

It would certainly exhaust me

And keep me locked up in my analysis

Did she trust the outside world enough to just walk out?

Without questioning every… every single thing

Or rationalizing

Or looking for a rationale

Or trying to explain it herself

Thereby restricting herself within her explanations

Most likely

But it has been so long, I wonder if she remembers how to

I can see she wants to

I can see it in the way she grips those curtains

And stares so hard

Its almost as if she’s desperately wishing

That something or someone will get her out of there

So she can leave

And not feel so… scared?

No..it wasn’t fear by itself

It was the fear of something…

Loneliness?

She’s always said its better to be alone

Than to be lonely in a crowd

Or worse,

Lonely and lost in unknown territories

Her eyes

She furiously,

Mercilessly almost,

Blinked away the tears that had come out of nowhere

As she saw 2 hands held

Looked away to see someone talking about their March vacation plans

She looked back in

At the book that lay open at the table

It had been at the same page for so long

She smiled

She was tired of just watching

She walked over to the door

Noticed that the sun was setting

Twilight

She made plans to go out the next day

And shut the door

Bolting it from the inside

For now,

She softly said to herself